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Ruby nodded as she sucked her palm where the skin burned, holding back the urge to scream. But only just.
It had been two weeks now since Callum Westmore had driven out of her life. But this morning she’d finally had to face the truth, as she’d dragged herself out of bed after another night spent struggling to sleep, while the wild unbidden images tossed around in her brain and her body ached as if it had been battered with a baseball bat.
She’d developed some sort of obsession for her wild weekend fling.
A man she’d known for all of three days. A man who was totally wrong for her but her mind and body had somehow decided was totally right.
She couldn’t be in love with him, because that wouldn’t make any sense. She’d been in love before and it didn’t feel anything like this. Love was easy, effortless, painless, pleasant. One of life’s little joys. This strange yearning she had to see Callum again wasn’t painless or pleasant or joyful. It hurt. And she hadn’t been able to let go of it however hard she’d tried. Plus, she’d never, ever been the one to fall first, because that would be incredibly stupid. And she’d never been a stupid woman.
But if it wasn’t love, what was it? And why couldn’t she seem to get over it?
Ella cradled her hand and stared at the livid red line. ‘Ouch. That’s the third time you’ve scalded yourself this week.’
‘I know,’ Ruby muttered as she allowed her friend to lead her to the sink.
The cold water splashed over the raw skin, dousing the fiery pain in her palm. But doing nothing to alleviate the aching, ever-present pain in her chest.
Her mother had once told her the story of how she’d fallen in love with her father. How it had literally been love at first sight. When they’d both been children in Italy together.
Ruby had thought the story wildly romantic as a girl. And ever so slightly ridiculous as a teenager. And after her mother had died, and her family had fallen to pieces, she’d begun to question whether it was even true. How could her mother have loved her father and then slept with another man?
But she’d been thinking about her mother’s fanciful story more and more in the last two weeks. Ever since Callum and she had parted. And right now the thought that it might be true, that you really could fall in love with someone in the space of a minute—or even a few days—filled her with fear. She didn’t want to be beholden to someone like that. Fully and completely and without prejudice and for ever. She’d breezily told Callum in Cornwall that love mattered. That it was much more than lust. But she wasn’t feeling quite so blasé about it any more. What if love snuck up on you when you weren’t looking? And you couldn’t say no to it?
She shook the thought away. She was being silly. Ridiculous. The trip to Maddy’s had just made her realise how much she missed having a family. She’d spent years denying the need inside her for that kind of lasting, loving connection because she’d always been scared that it could blow up in her face, as it had before. Maddy and Rye had made her realise that the risk could be worth it. And then she’d taken her admiration for the couple, her yearning for the simple contentment of their life together, and somehow fixated on Cal.
Which was perfectly understandable.
Her live-wire attraction to him right from the first moment she’d set eyes on him. The way she’d basked in his approval. The electric zing of excitement whenever she’d been in his company and that compelling feeling of connection as she’d discovered a depth to his character she’d never expected. All those qualities had made him the perfect candidate for her newfound desire to start a family.
And also perfectly ridiculous.
Because Callum Westmore wasn’t interested in family or love or happily ever after. He’d said as much, and people didn’t lie about that stuff. And given what his father had put him through, it was no big surprise he found it impossible to trust anyone.
The only problem was, even knowing that, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She’d go from being euphoric at the mere thought of him, to crushingly sad at the thought that she’d never see him again. In the process she’d lost the ability to work, or sleep, or function like a normal person. And her business was suffering as a result.
She couldn’t contact Callum. What would she say? That she wanted to extend their weekend fling? That she wanted to have a relationship with him? He’d made it perfectly plain he wasn’t in the market for anything like that. And how would she explain the way she felt about him, when she couldn’t even explain it to herself?
She had to snap out of it. That much was obvious.
‘Does this have something to do with that guy?’ Ella said softly as she soothed antiseptic gel over the burn. ‘Callum Whatshisname.’
‘How did you guess?’ Ruby sighed.
She’d tried not to let her insanity show. Had resisted confiding in Ella because it would only make the confusion more real, more tangible. And up until this morning she’d clung to the vague hope that the train wreck her life had become might be nothing more than a bad case of great sex withdrawal.
It was way past time to stop kidding herself.
Maybe she’d never be able to forget Callum completely. Their sexual connection had been pretty intense. But that didn’t mean she could carry on obsessing about him. She had a business to run, for pity’s sake. And a perfectly nice, happy and fulfilling social life she wanted to get back to without this aching feeling of emptiness and futility dogging her every move.
‘So he’s The One?’ Ella said, her voice hushed in awe.
‘He most certainly is not The One,’ Ruby said sharply. A bit too sharply. ‘He’s just the one who got away.’
So far it had only been a fortnight, she told herself staunchly. This silly yearning to spend time with Callum, to explore every single facet of his character, would fade eventually. It had to.
Picking up the tray of cupcake sponges, she began transferring them to the icing sheet. She needed to immerse herself in work, and stop thinking about him constantly. That would be an excellent start.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Ella said, her voice subdued.
