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I wish you could be too, she thought wistfully, but didn’t say it, knowing Cal would be amused by the sympathy, and appalled by the sentiment. She would give anything for her handsome, commanding and deeply cynical brother to be able to find love—or at least open himself to the possibility. But Cal had built a fortress around himself that she suspected no one would ever be able to penetrate.
‘Thank you for giving me away today,’ she added, dispelling the foolish ripple of melancholy. ‘I know fairy tale weddings aren’t your scene.’
Her heart pounded as impatience and anticipation consumed her. She needed to find Rye and tell him her news; she had waited long enough already. But, as she turned to go, Cal held onto her hand.
‘Mads, just so we’re clear. If the fairy tale ever ends, you know where to find me.’
She blinked back tears, hopelessly touched by the misguided offer. Cal’s protective instinct was one of his most infuriating qualities, but it was also one of his most endearing.
‘Thanks, Cal, but don’t hold your breath.’
She heard his wry chuckle as she rushed off, lifting the skirt of her bias-cut silk bridal gown.
This fairy tale wasn’t going to end, because Rye and she wouldn’t let it. Not after everything they’d been through to make it work. The enchantment of their Christmas marriage ceremony and the secret inside her had only reaffirmed the fact that today was about facing the future with courage and love and determination. Not doubts or regrets.
‘Damn! Are you sure?’ Rye’s face went chalk-white and his hands dropped away from Maddy’s waist.
Maddy nodded, pushing down the instinctive spurt of panic. He didn’t look displeased, just shocked. Which was exactly how she had felt this morning. She had to give him time to adjust.
‘When did you find out?’ he asked carefully—so carefully she felt her panic start to increase.
‘This morning. I should have told you straight away, I know that. But I was reeling and there was all the wedding business. So I put it to one side, until we could discuss it properly.’
Why did her reasoning sound feeble and cowardly all of a sudden?
He dropped into the chair on the balcony, the muted strains of ballroom music from downstairs the only sound, other than the rasp of his breathing.
Maybe she should have said it more carefully, instead of blurting it out as soon as she’d dragged him out here. But, honestly, was there a subtle way to say ‘I’m pregnant’?
They’d never talked about having children, had never even considered it. Which was ridiculous, now she thought of it. When you got married, children were the inevitable next step, but somehow the subject had never come up.
Their careers were both important to them and, even though they had been living together for over a year, their relationship was still very much in the first flush of love. They travelled extensively, had no settled base and their sex life was as exhilarating and spontaneous as it had ever been. Bringing a baby into that would be a major step—it would change everything, and not all of it for the better.
She touched her hand to her waist. But what would she do if he said he didn’t want their baby, that he wasn’t ready? She wasn’t even sure that she was ready herself. But, as soon as the little pink Pregnant sign had appeared in the window of the home pregnancy test that morning, this child had felt utterly real to her, so much a part of their life and their future. But, as she watched Rye drag an unsteady hand through his hair, it hit her that he might not feel the same connection.
She sat beside him, covered his hand with hers. ‘What are you thinking, Rye?’
Please don’t shut me out. Not now.
Rye looked up to find Maddy searching his face. The trust and honesty and total conviction in her gaze made his blood pressure soar into the stratosphere.
How could he tell her that he was both ecstatic and yet so terrified he felt physically sick?
Maddy would be an incredible mother—patient, kind, loving, nurturing and completely selfless. But what kind of father was he going to make? What if he failed? What if he failed Maddy and their baby?
He turned his palm up, squeezed her hand but couldn’t push the words out past the lump in his throat.
The fact that she had waited all day to tell him fed his paranoia. Did she want this baby? She hadn’t said. What if she already knew what he now feared—that he wouldn’t be any good at this?
He stared down at their linked fingers. He had made a promise to love this woman and honour her for the rest of his life in the tiny church ten miles down the coast road only this afternoon. But what if that wasn’t enough?
‘Whatever it is you’re thinking, you have to tell me,’ she whispered.
Hearing the tremor in her voice, he forced the panic down. He was scaring her.
He’d made another promise a year ago—that he would never lie about his feelings again to Maddy or himself—and he’d been given riches beyond measure as a result. Maddy’s smile every morning when he woke up, her silky soft body curled against him every night, the sound of her laughter when he teased her, the tantalising scent of her skin …
He guessed this was the ‘for better or worse’ the vicar had mentioned earlier. He just hadn’t been prepared for ‘better’ and ‘worse’ to sock him right in the solar plexus at exactly the same time.
