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‘Let me stay now.’ He pounced on the opening. ‘Let’s try to make this right together. Don’t close me out again. Or what chance do we have for our future?’
‘What future? What are you talking about?’
He stared at her. So this was it. The moment when one of them would have to break cover. He could run away now, lick his wounds, as he’d done sixteen years ago, or he could hold his ground and fight—and admit that his feelings had changed and that he wasn’t that sad little bastard any more who had never felt worthy of her.
‘I want to be with you, Halle. This trip has convinced me that I want to at least try. Don’t chuck that chance away because I did something stupid and rash. Something I already regret.’
She bit her lip, her eyes going glassy with shock … and something … For one bright shining moment, he thought she might admit she felt the same way. That the past twelve days hadn’t just been about forgiving their past and repairing their relationship as Lizzie’s parents, that it had the potential to be so much more.
But his hope died when she said, ‘I have to put my children first. You must see that. Maybe if …’
‘This can’t wait. Either you want to make this work or you don’t.’ This was it. Her chance to admit she felt the same. She had to give him something here. Otherwise, he would spend the rest of his life on the outside. Being never quite good enough. Always being tested and found wanting. He’d spent his whole miserable childhood feeling like that and it had nearly destroyed him. Either she thought this thing they had was worth fighting for or she didn’t.
‘Don’t make me choose between my children and you,’ she said.
Weariness engulfed him, and a futile feeling of despair. The last of the fight, the fury draining away.
It wasn’t any good. No matter what he said. If she couldn’t see it had never been a choice, then what chance had they ever had?
He walked to the door, picked up the holdall he’d dropped as soon as they’d come in.
‘When you speak to Aldo and the au pair, tell them both I’m sorry.’ He turned the door handle, exhaustion overwhelming him. ‘I’ll contact Lizzie in a couple of days, once she’s calmed down, and grovel my arse off with her.’
He stared at her, not bitter or resentful any more, just desperately sad that it had always been too late to repair the damage he’d done. And their time in Tennessee had done nothing but create an illusion of false hope that had always been bound to shatter.
Chapter 22
Suck it up, your children come first, and if he can’t see that, then he really doesn’t want you—not who you are now anyway.
Halle repeated the words to herself, over and over again, but even so the two flights it took to get to Aldo’s bedroom felt like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.
Lizzie and Aldo sat huddled on the bed together with their arms around each other. It was a sight Halle had never expected to see again, and it helped to calm her racing heartbeat, and fill a little of the huge pit of despair opening up in her stomach.
Luke had blindsided her, but why hadn’t he said anything sooner? Why had he waited until the worst possible moment to reveal his feelings? The simple answer was because they weren’t real.
Tennessee had been an illusion, brought on by a year-long dry spell, being in such close proximity to Luke’s magnificent cock and the euphoria of being able to unpack the last of the baggage from her past.
She had to go forward now and forget about what they might have been. That her children seemed to have found each other again while she’d been gone was one huge upside.
One she could use now to help clean up the mess Luke had caused downstairs.
‘Has Dad gone?’ Lizzie asked.
‘Yes.’
‘What was he even doing here?’ She sounded more astonished than accusing, but still Halle felt the shaft of guilt. She had known it wasn’t a good idea to spring this on Lizzie.
Why hadn’t she used her head, instead of listening to her foolish heart?
‘Why did Lizzie’s dad hit Trey?’ Aldo asked.
Halle held up her hands. ‘OK, guys, listen, I’ve got a lot of explaining to do. But first things first. Lizzie, why don’t you go and have a shower, then try calling Trey on his mobile? So we can make sure he’s not badly hurt.’
As shocking as Luke’s punch had seemed, Trey hadn’t looked badly hurt to her, but she needed to get Lizzie out of the room while she talked to Aldo. And vice versa. She had a lot of talking to do, not just about this morning, but about a host of other things.
She’d never been entirely honest with either of her children. Had peppered her parenting with a parade of small and sometimes huge lies, which had always felt justified, but now felt like the worse kind of cop-out. If she had learned one thing from her time with Luke, it was that keeping secrets—for whatever reason—never worked, and could often cause more hurt than they healed.
She needed to come clean with them both. To answer whatever questions they had for her now honestly. But she couldn’t do it to them both at the same time because … well, it was going to be hard enough without being outnumbered. After all, she wasn’t Super Mum.
