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Each day Jessie became more convinced that Monroe would soon be gone. She checked the driveway each morning to see if the Harley was still there. Scared that he might leave during the night without a word to any of them. But, really, how much worse could it be? She felt as if she’d lost him already and it was almost more than she could bear.
A week after the whole nightmare had started, she was sitting by the pool with Ali. The baby was sleeping in the Moses basket in the shade beside their sun loungers. Linc had taken Emmy to the beach.
‘Jess, you’ve been looking miserable all week. I take it Monroe’s still being a complete baboon with you, too,’ Ali said, leaning over the basket to check on the baby.
Jess shook her head, not sure she could talk about what was happening and not burst into tears. ‘I haven’t spoken to him since last Sunday.’
Ali looked up, shocked. ‘But that’s a week ago.’
‘I know. Has he said anything to Linc—about his plans, I mean?’
‘No. They’re barely speaking to each other.’ Ali sat back on her lounger. ‘He was out yesterday morning pruning the privet hedge. I went over there to give him a piece of my mind about the whole situation. Linc’s upset, Emmy’s being completely horrible, as you know. Which is partly because of the new baby, I’m sure, but the situation with Monroe hasn’t helped. I was pretty mad with him. I mean, he still hasn’t come over to see Ethan yet. I was going to give him some serious grief about his behaviour towards the whole family.’
Jessie had seen him out there too, but had hidden in her room, clinging onto the small scrap of pride she had left. ‘What did he say?’
Ali looked a little sheepish, then sighed. ‘I couldn’t bring myself to say anything in the end.’
‘Why not?’ Jessie was amazed. It was unlike Ali to back down from a confrontation, especially when the happiness of her family was at stake.
‘He looks awful, Jess. If it’s any consolation, I think he’s suffering as much as the rest of us.’
‘You do?’ Maybe there was some small hope after all.
‘I don’t think he’s been sleeping. He looks like he’s lost weight. He was so tense I thought he was going to snap in two.’
Jessie could feel the rush of sympathy for him. Why was she torturing them both? She sat up, put her bare feet on the tile. ‘Maybe I should go to him.’
Ali leant across, gripped her forearm. ‘No, you shouldn’t, Jess. He needs to work this out himself. He’s like an angry bear licking his wounds right now. He’s probably blaming you, me, Linc and everyone else for what he’s going through. But once he figures it out, he’ll come to you.’
‘But what if he never figures it out, Ali? What if he just leaves?’
‘That’s a chance you’ll have to take,’ Ali said firmly. ‘But I wouldn’t give up hope yet.’
‘Why not?’
‘Well, for starters, while we were talking, his eyes kept straying up to your room.’
Jessie felt the bubble of hope swell inside her. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, really,’ Ali replied, her voice rising with enthusiasm. ‘And when I mentioned that Linc and I and the kids were heading back to London in ten days, he looked really worried. And then, you know what he asked me?’
Jessie shook her head, not quite as desolate as she had been.
‘He asked me if you were going, too.’
Jessie woke up the next morning and for the first time in seven days didn’t slip out the front door to check if Monroe’s bike was still there. Maybe her dream wasn’t completely dead after all. Maybe all this pain would actually be worth it. Maybe Monroe really did love her and he was going to tell her so soon.
It wasn’t until after she’d shared breakfast with Linc and Emmy that something about the conversation the day before finally dawned on her.
The family was heading back to London in less than two weeks. She checked the wall calendar as she stacked the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher. Over the long lazy summer days, she’d completely lost track of the date. It was August twenty-seventh already.
Jessie finished clearing the kitchen and then rushed up to her bedroom and fished her diary out of the bedside table. She never could remember when her next period was due so she’d got in the habit of writing a small P next to the date each one started.
Flicking through the pages furiously, she got right back to July tenth before she found the little red P she was searching for. She stared at the date for a long time, then slowly counted the weeks forward. She’d made love to Monroe for the first time four days after that, on the night of Emmy’s birthday party. And it was now the end of August. Jessie took a deep steadying breath, her heart pounding like a timpani drum in her chest. That was over six weeks ago.
She shook her head, tried to focus. This was ridiculous; she couldn’t possibly be pregnant. They’d only done it that once without contraception. Monroe had been really careful to use a condom every time since; even in the throes of passion, he never forgot.
‘Jess, I’m heading into town for some diapers. Is there anything you need?’ Jessie’s head shot up as she heard Linc’s voice coming up the stairs.
