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A young woman with a toddler barged past him. Pushed to one side, Monroe leaned against the outside wall of the clinic. His legs were too weak for him to stand unaided. He scraped the hair back from his brow with a shaky hand.
She hadn’t lied to him. She was having his baby.
Then another thought struck him and his knees gave way beneath him. His back scraped down the hot brickwork, until he was crouched down on his haunches. He stared blindly out at the legs of the people milling past on the sidewalk on a hot, humid Friday afternoon.
Jessie Connor had given him something he thought he’d never be able to have.
He was going to be a father.
As Monroe drove the Harley over the rise and gazed down on Linc and Ali’s house by the sea, the tumultuous combination of euphoria, guilt and despair churning in his gut was making him feel nauseous.
How was he ever going to repair the damage he’d done? Jessie would hate him now; for all he knew she might even have run off to have an abortion. He sure as hell wouldn’t blame her.
He shook his head, cruised the Harley down towards the house. He couldn’t think about that. If she’d got rid of the baby, he would be devastated, but he would deal with it.
What was more important, what he wanted most, he realised with stunning clarity, was to get her back.
How would he ever persuade her that he loved her, that he had fallen head first before they’d even slept together, before they’d ever even conceived their baby? The whole time he’d been trying to keep his distance, his heart had been lost. Maybe that was the real reason he’d reacted the way he had when she’d told him about the pregnancy. Because he was scared to death, not just because he wanted it so desperately to be his baby, but also because he had always felt inadequate where she was concerned.
Well, he was going to have to get over his self-pity and all his self-doubts now. He was going to have to fight for her and he didn’t kid himself it was going to be easy. But then he didn’t deserve it to be easy.
Parking the Harley in the garage, he switched off the engine. First of all, he needed to find out where she was. He had to face Linc and Ali, tell them the truth and then beg them to help him find Jessie. What if they didn?
??t want to help him? Why would they? After what he’d done to Ali’s little sister, they probably hated him now, too.
‘Roe, what happened at Carter’s office? We expected you back over an hour ago.’
Monroe looked up to see his brother standing by the garage door. He pulled off his helmet, stared at Linc, unable to find the words.
Linc saved him the trouble. ‘So Carter told you what the rest of us already knew. Am I right?’ Pushing away from the door, Linc walked towards him. Monroe couldn’t see the expression on his face with the afternoon sun shining behind him, but he didn’t doubt that what he would see was contempt. Attaching the helmet to the bike’s handlebars, he climbed off, ready to face it.
‘The baby’s mine.’
Linc considered the statement for a moment. ‘Is that bad?’
‘What do you mean?’
Linc crossed his arms over his chest and gave Monroe a steady stare. ‘What I’m asking, Monroe, is do you want to be the father?’
‘Yeah.’ This part at least was easy. ‘Yeah. I do.’ Monroe jerked a shoulder, stared down at his hands, his voice thick with a yearning that he’d spent so many years trying to hide. ‘Ever since I was sixteen, I never thought I’d have a family. I convinced myself I didn’t want one. I always kept on the move, never made any attachments. I figured family wasn’t for me. Seeing you with your kids, though, Linc, it made me so envious. Feeling Ali’s baby kick inside her, watching her go into labour.’ He sighed, dragged unsteady fingers through his hair. ‘It hurt, knowing I could never have that.’
Linc took the few steps to his brother and pulled him into his arms. He held him close for only a moment, but that brief manly hug pulled them together through all the years of their childhood and adult lives when they had been forced apart. At last they were brothers.
Linc stood back, gave Monroe’s shoulders one last quick squeeze. ‘So, I guess congratulations are in order.’
Monroe gave a harsh laugh. ‘Yeah, although I don’t deserve any of them. I screwed up big time.’
Linc nodded. ‘I can’t argue with you there, Roe. Question is, what do you intend to do about it?’
‘I want her back, Linc. Not just because of the baby.’ Monroe ground his fists down into the pocket of his jeans. ‘I’m not kidding myself. After the way I treated her, there may not even be a baby any more.’
‘Don’t sell her short again, or I’ll have to get mad at you.’ Linc put a hand on Monroe’s shoulder. ‘You realise you’re going to have to do some serious explaining and probably more than your fair share of grovelling if you’re going to fix this?’
Monroe didn’t like the sound of that ‘if’ but said nothing.
‘It’s up to you now to get Jessie and your baby back, Roe.’
Monroe shrugged Linc’s hand off. ‘Do you think I don’t want that?’ He raked shaking fingers through his hair, despair settling on him like a lead weight. ‘But I don’t even know where to start. I don’t even know where she is.’
