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‘Because I was his alibi.’
‘His what?’
‘His alibi.’ Cal pushed the words out past the hot ball of resentment and disgust. ‘Every Saturday morning, he told my mother he was taking me to a judo class. Then he’d go bang one of his mistresses, while I sat outside in the car.’
‘He took you with him?’ The look of horror that crossed Ruby’s face had guilty knowledge clawing up his throat. He swallowed it down. He’d got over that years ago.
‘But that’s appalling,’ she said.
‘Yeah, well… It certainly opened my eyes to the sanctity of marriage. And the truth about true love. That it doesn’t exist.’
He gave a grim laugh. As a kid, he’d always wanted to tell someone. So he could stop it somehow, but he’d never had the guts. How pathetic that he should finally break his silence when it couldn’t make any difference any more.
‘Cal, that’s dreadful. What did you do?’
He heard the outrage in her voice and wondered who it was for.
‘I kept my mouth shut.’ He could still remember the sting across his cheek of the back-hander his father had given him when he’d threatened to tell. He’d got over the urge pretty quickly. ‘It wasn’t so dreadful,’ he added dryly. ‘I was never a big fan of judo.’
‘How long did it go on?’
He shrugged. ‘I can’t remember.’
Had it been a year? Two? However long it had been, it had felt like for ever at the time. Being trapped in a lie he had no control over. He could still remember the fear every Saturday, the terror that his mother and Maddy would find out. And the way the fear had curdled in his stomach, until it had turned into a lead weight of loathing. By the end of it, he had a knowledge of adult relationships he didn’t want and had despised both his parents. His father for the lies and the cheating, and his mother for her weakness in never facing the truth. He’d promised himself he’d never get into that situation again. Forced to protect something that wasn’t even real.
‘Did he eventually stop?’ Ruby asked, the hopeful question making him bark out a hollow laugh.
‘No, she eventually found out. They had a row and she kicked him out.’ He paused trying to blank the memory of their angry shouts and Maddy’s gulping sobs. ‘She took him back again a few weeks later.’ And it had started all over again. ‘Because, you see, she loved him.’
He could hear the cynical edge in the words.
Ruby stared at him, the combination of warmth and understanding in her eyes making him desperately uncomfortable. Why was she looking at him as if any of this mattered?
‘No wonder you don’t believe in love,’ she murmured at last.
He wanted to say I told you so. But somehow the words wouldn’t come, because instead of acquiescence he saw defeat in her face.
‘Let’s go to bed,’ he said, deliberately changing the subject. ‘I’m shattered.’
‘You look it,’ she said, then threaded her fingers into his hair and tugged his mouth down to hers.
The kiss was soft, tender, but had hunger coiling in his gut. ‘I guess we both need some sleep,’ she whispered.
She was probably right. He was tired. So tired he could feel his bones melting as he kicked off his trousers and settled onto the bed beside her.
He took a deep breath of her sultry vanilla scent but kept his hands to himself. She snuggled against him, her bottom brushing over the erection.
He hissed out a breath as blood pounded into his groin.
‘Stop torturing me and lie still,’ he growled, anchoring her to him when she wriggled again. But then his arm brushed against the swell of her breast, and he captured the warm flesh in his palm without thinking, outlining the hard bud of her nipple through the silky fabric of her nightgown.
‘It’s okay, Cal,’ she murmured softly. ‘Sometimes losing yourself in sex helps. Maybe if we’re careful…’
He didn’t need to lose himself. What was she talking about? But he felt as if he were teetering on a high ledge, the urge to leap off overwhelming him.
To hell with this.
He ran his free hand up her thigh, found her naked bottom beneath the thin gown. ‘You’ll just have to keep the noise down,’ he murmured, nipping her ear lobe as he massaged the plump, downy skin.
