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Unfortunately, she now knew she was nowhere near as smart.
She scribbled a quick note and placed it on the desk—the same desk where she had offered him her heart and he hadn’t even realised—and then followed him out of the door, five minutes later.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE pulsating salsa beat energised Ruby’s limbs as she let her friend Dan twirl her round in a practiced move, but couldn’t penetrate the numbness that had settled over her ever since her crying jag that afternoon. The picture of Cal the last time she’d seen him came blasting back into her mind and she took a misstep. Her hip collided with Dan’s and he stopped.
‘Damn it Rube, you’re ruining my rep as the best salsa-nista in Camden.’
‘Sorry, Dan. I’m a bit off tonight,’ she shouted above the clamour of dancing couples and loud music, the headache banding around her temple.
She shouldn’t have come to Sol’s. The place held too many memories. But when Dan had phoned, she’d had the stupid idea that getting out was a necessity.
Cal hadn’t called, and she hadn’t expected him to after the note she’d left. But when the phone had rung, and she’d felt the kick of anticipation, the pathetic shimmer of hope, she’d convinced herself she had to take the first step on her road to recovery. Tonight. And Dan was the perfect first step. A close friend for years, he was so outrageously camp at least she wouldn’t have to ward off any unwanted advances tonight.
She had to stop wallowing in self-pity. So she’d finally been caught out by love. And she could see now it served her right. She’d dabbled with love for years, skirting the edges secure in the knowledge that she was too smart, too self-aware to ever get caught in a trap she couldn’t get out of.
But all those times she had thought she was in love before, it had never been true. She’d kidded herself about the depth of her feelings because she’d enjoyed the romance, the drama, the companionship. But now she understood. Real love was what Rye and Maddy had. What her mother and father had once had. It involved taking risks. It involved giving yourself unselfishly without the guarantee it would be returned.
She had always been so angry with her mother for telling her father about the affair, about Nick’s parentage. Why couldn’t her mother have taken the secret to her grave with her and saved them all from the truth? But Ruby understood now how courageous her mother had been and how much she’d risked to keep the secret as long as she had. All through her marriage she’d shouldered the burden of guilt—a burden that had stopped her from being able to truly love her son—because she loved her husband so much. She hadn’t been protecting herself with her silence, she’d been protecting him. But in the end, ravaged by the cancer, the burden had been too much to bear.
You had to earn love, and Ruby never had, because she’d never risked a thing.
How ironic that Cal should have been the one to figure out the truth, when he’d questioned her commitment to creating a family of her own that day on the beach.
And wasn’t it just her tough luck that when she decided to risk everything and fall in love for real, it would be with a man who would never be willing to return the gift?
‘I’d say you’re more than a bit off, girlfriend,’ Dan added forcefully. Taking her hand, he led her away from the dance floor. ‘Sit down.’ He held out the chair at their table. She slumped into it. Her body numb, her mind not much better.
‘What’s wrong anyway?’ Dan said, his eyes shadowed with concern. ‘You look like death warmed up tonight.’
‘Nothing’s wrong. I’m just a bit—’
‘Hey, isn’t he the gorgeous stud you were here with a couple of weeks back?’ Dan lifted a hand to wave at someone over her shoulder.
She grabbed his wrist, yanked his hand down. Too late. Horror and a sick kind of hope assailed her as she glanced over her shoulder and saw Cal walking through the crowd towards them.
Panic skittered up her spine. Not here, not now. She wasn’t ready for this.
‘I have to go.’ Ignoring Dan’s stunned protest, she grabbed her bag and ran.
Refusing to look back, she dodged through the crowds. Stepping onto the secluded balcony at the back of the club, she’d got less than three paces before she realised her mistake. There was no way out.
Footsteps echoed on the decking and sounded deafening even above the hum of music and Friday-night revelry. She held her bag to her midriff. Scared to turn round.
‘You’re not going anywhere, Ruby. So we might as well have that talk now.’
The sound of his voice, rough and low, forced her to face him. He stood only feet away. Reaching into the pocket of his jeans, he pulled out the note
she’d left him before fleeing his office that afternoon. ‘Perhaps you’d like to start by explaining what this means?’
She shivered despite the warmth of the summer evening. She mustn’t crack. Not now. The only thing she had now was pride. ‘It means exactly what it says.’
He flicked it open, read it out loud. “‘There’s nothing to talk about, Cal. We had fun, but now it’s over. Don’t contact me again.’”
She tensed, prayed he wouldn’t come any closer. To see the tremor in her hands, the bloodless knuckles as she clung to her bag. ‘I think that pretty much sums it up.’
He took a step forward. She scrambled back.
