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Ellie sent her mother a weary smile that almost broke Dee’s heart. ‘Um, no, he didn’t, Mum. He made that pretty clear at the time.’
So this was the incident Art had referred to the night of the back barn clear-out. The incident that both he and Ellie believed had sent her running away from the commune and back to her father.
Dee tried to smile back. ‘He may well have said that at the time. He may well even have believed it, but that’s because Arthur is exceptionally good at hiding how he really feels, from himself most of all.’
‘Mum.’ Ellie sighed, still looking sceptical and unimpressed. ‘I know you’re Art’s biggest fan. And after getting to know him a lot better this summer, I know why. I always wanted to believe he was an arsehole. Because I was still stupidly embarrassed about that rejection. But I know now he’s not. He’s hard-working, dependable and he’s survived a lot in his life. His bitch of a mother just for starters.’
So Art had spoken to Ellie about Laura’s neglect; Dee took heart at the news. Maybe he wasn’t a completely hopeless case after all.
‘He’s also a great father to Toto. A much better father than Dan has ever been to Josh that’s for sure,’ she added. And Dee wondered if Ellie could hear the admiration in her own voice. Did her daughter know she was falling for Art all over again? ‘But if you think he’s been holding a candle for me all this time, believe me he hasn’t. What we had this summer… Briefly.’ Colour washed into Ellie’s cheeks, making Dee realise how far they’d come in the last three months, but still how far they had to go. ‘Was basically just an explosion of pheromones, for both of us. I’m not going back to Orchard Harbor with any regrets about that though. If that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘Why were you so upset then, a minute ago?’ Dee asked, deciding that they’d beaten about this particular bush long enough.
Ellie shrugged, but the gesture looked about as nonchalant as the red streaks on her face left by the crying jag. ‘Honestly, I think that’s just the stress of having Dan here. And feeling like a bit of an idiot, for thinking that…’ But then Ellie paused.
‘For thinking what?’ Dee prompted.
‘God, I feel stupid even thinking it, let alone saying it. Could we just let this drop now.’ She picked up her tea and took a long sip. ‘I need to get to bed, if I’m going to sort out getting Dan into a hotel tomorrow.’
Dee knew she should probably let it drop. And, up to twenty minutes ago, she would have done, believing that no matter how close they’d become in the last few months, she would never earn the right back to give her daughter unsolicited advice. But this moment felt like a crossroads, a chance to finally take that last step towards becoming a mother again. And to take it, she would have to wade through all the please-back-off vibes Ellie was sending her.
‘OK, but can I just say something first?’
Ellie’s lips pursed and for a moment Dee thought she was going to regret the request, but then she sighed and sat back. ‘All right, Mum.’
It was a qualified yes, at best. But Dee planned to run with it.
‘Don’t underestimate Arthur’s feelings for you. Not then and certainly not now. He’s spent a great deal of his life protecting himself from hurt. Which makes him a very hard man to get to know. But, from what you’ve just told me, you do know him.’
‘OK,’ Ellie said, her face wearing the expression Dee had come to adore in the last few months whenever Ellie had a problem that she was determined to solve.
‘And don’t underestimate yourself either. You’re a strong, intelligent, extremely capable woman. Trust your own judgement, it’s much better than you think.’
Ellie smiled, but the sadness still lurked in her eyes. ‘I’m not so sure about that. I’ve made a lot more than one disastrous decision in my life. Just for starters, I spent twelve years married to a man that I’m not sure I ever really loved.’
‘Which you’re about to correct,’ Dee said. ‘We all make disastrous decisions in life, Ellie, for all sorts of reasons, some of them outsi
de our control. Ultimately though, if we learn from them, they don’t become disastrous any more, they become the stuff that makes us stronger, better people. I made a mistake bringing you here and then not supporting you as much as I should, not seeing how confused you were, because I was too busy falling in love.’
‘Mum, don’t blame yourself about that any longer, I…’
‘Shhh, what I’m trying to say isn’t about blame, or regrets, sweetheart. It’s about owning that mistake and knowing that the good thing to come out of that summer was that although I lost you, I had Pam. And eventually I had Arthur too. And I finally escaped from a disastrous marriage.’ She picked up Ellie’s hands and held on to them, tears filling her eyes. ‘Don’t you see, Ellie, the reason you left that summer wasn’t just because Art was an idiot, or even because of all the mistakes I made, but because you were much stronger and more self-sufficient than you thought. You didn’t make a mistake, you made a choice. A reckless choice maybe, you were only fourteen after all, but also a brave choice. I have complete faith that when you decide what to do with your life and Josh’s life at the end of this summer, your choice will be equally brave and whatever it is, it’ll be the right one for you.’
Dee could see the blank shock on her daughter’s face as she finished her speech. And also the confusion and doubt that had been there before. But underneath all that was also the spark of intelligence.
Ellie had been knocked sideways by Dan’s arrival and the abrupt end of her affair with Art. But now she was thinking again, making plans.
Now all Dee could do was hope that Arthur took his head out from up his backside, and Dan Granger didn’t turn out to be a complete bastard.
But, even if Art didn’t, and Dan did, she knew Ellie would navigate her way through the fallout. After all, she’d managed to do that nineteen years ago, without her mother’s help. And this time she would have her mother standing right beside her whatever she decided to do. And she knew it.
My work here is done.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
‘Hey, Ellie?’
Ellie looked up from her laptop, pausing in her data entry for the week’s takings at the shop, to find Toto standing in the office doorway.
