AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘Could you be more specific about what you’re apologising for?’ Dee said.
‘I didn’t mean to make her leave that summer. I actually liked her,’ he said in his defence, trying to explain the unexplainable. ‘But I didn’t really figure that out until she’d gone and by then it was too late.’ He was talking nonsense, like a politician trying to cover his tracks.
Dee pressed a hand to his thigh. ‘Art, look at me.’
He turned, steeling himself for the contempt he expected, but all she did was smile. The kind, caring smile he had come to rely on without even realising it.
‘What on earth are you talking about?’ she said.
She didn’t know. For a moment, relief surged. Ellie hadn’t said anything. Why hadn’t Ellie said anything? Had it been the kiss? Maybe she hadn’t been as freaked out about it as he had? Was that a good thing? But, as Dee continued to smile at him, her brows furrowed, waiting for a coherent answer, the relief fizzled out. Maybe she didn’t know yet, but he was
going to have to tell her. And take the risk, because he could not live with this hanging over him.
‘I thought Ellie told you,’ he said.
‘Told me what?’
‘That the reason she left that day with her dad was because of me. She came to see me the afternoon before, and I made her cry.’
She sighed, but the smile didn’t falter. ‘Oh, Art, don’t be an idiot.’
OK, that wasn’t the reaction he’d expected. He guessed it had to be better than what he had been expecting, but the smile seemed almost pitying now, which couldn’t be good. ‘Why does that make me an idiot?’
‘Ellie didn’t leave because of you.’
‘Yes, she did, she told me she did, a week ago.’ He wasn’t sure why he was arguing the point, but it seemed important to come clean about it all.
‘She left for a whole host of reasons,’ Dee said. ‘I’m sure your behaviour towards her didn’t help, and she may even have persuaded herself it was the cause, but the truth was she was vulnerable then, and so were you. And I was the one who didn’t recognise that. It was my job to make her feel secure and loved, not yours.’
‘But you don’t know all the things I–’
‘And I don’t want to know.’ Dee pressed a finger to his lips, halting the confession he was about to make. ‘You were a child back then, unloved and broken, nothing you did then would change my opinion of you now.’
‘Thanks.’ He ducked his head, embarrassed by how much that meant to him.
She touched his cheek, forcing his gaze back to hers. ‘Didn’t it ever occur to you that once Ellie left, I needed you, too?’
‘I guess not.’
‘I’ll admit my affection for you at first was probably transference. When Laura ran off with Rupert, I knew I could be useful to you and being useful helped me deal with losing Ellie.’ Moisture collected at the corners of her eyes.
Panic gripped him again. ‘Jesus, Dee, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to remind you of all that.’
She sniffed and wiped a thumb under her eyelid to collect the drop. ‘Don’t be silly. I’m not sad. Ellie’s back now and we’re going to rebuild our relationship. We’ve already made a good start.’
‘Then why are you crying?’
‘I’m sad that you still don’t realise how important you are, to me and Toto and everyone else here.’
‘Not that important,’ he said. ‘I managed to totally screw up the farm’s management.’
However badly he’d treated Ellie way back when, and however stupid the decision to kiss her last night while she was pissed, he could have done without her pointing out to the whole co-op what a loser he was as a manager.
‘Stop it,’ Dee said, impatiently. ‘You took on a job you hated, because I asked you to, and you never once complained. And the farm’s financial situation is not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself all the time. You did the same with Alicia and it drove me mad.’
His stomach plummeted. Please God, they were not going to talk about Alicia now. How had a simple apology turned into his worst nightmare?
‘Alicia was fragile,’ he said. ‘I screwed her, got her pregnant and then kicked her out. Toto doesn’t have a mother because I made a mess of things.’
