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“So if this is just jealousy,” she murmured softly, turning away because it was so hard to look at him, “you can go away again. I’m not dating Axel, I’m not sleeping with him. Our relationship is nothing like that.” And before he could sa
y anything in response, “I’m not seeing anyone.”
“I’m glad.”
She jerked her head in a silent nod and reached for a coffee cup. She slid it into the machine and pressed a button, waiting for her coffee to filter through. Her mind worked overtime though, playing his words over and over, so she had no idea what to think or say.
He was in love with her?
It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be true.
“Why not?” A hoarse question, so she realised she’d asked the question aloud.
“Because you discarded me so effortlessly.”
“Not effortlessly. Are you kidding? Watching you walk away from me was the hardest thing I have ever done. With every fibre of my being I wanted to ask you to stay.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Because I didn’t think I could offer you enough.” He moved towards her and she stiffened, her body craving his touch, her brain still shifting through her doubts. But when he placed his hands on either side of her face, something inside of her flared to life, warming her from the inside out. “Because even when I didn’t understand that I loved you, I knew that your happiness mattered more to me than anything else. I didn’t think I could make you happy, and so I let you go. But Christo, Elodie, I have been in a fiery hell this past month.” He padded his thumb over her lower lip and she let out a shuddery breath. “I pushed you away but you are all I have thought of, dreamed of and wanted.”
Tears sparkled on her lashes and in response, he frowned.
“I know I hurt you.” It was a gruff admission. “I came here today with one agenda only. To apologise to you. I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for the way I have behaved, the things I said, and most of all, for letting you think, for even one moment, that I wanted a life without you in it.” He dropped his head so their foreheads brushed and his eyes swept closed as he inhaled deeply.
Then, he dropped his hands to his side and stepped backwards, his expression uncertain. And it was that gesture alone that began to piece her heart back together. Just a little bit, but enough to give her true hope – hope that together they could heal the hurts of the past, that side by side they really were stronger.
“When I lost Andreo, I had no choice, no say. I was blind-sided by that pain. It was a grief unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and instinctively, I’ve sought to insulate myself from that. Pushing you away kept me safe. Being angry at you kept me safe. Because if I didn’t love you, I would never have to lose you. But you – Jack – you are my life, Elodie.”
She made a soft sound of disbelief.
“I’m done with hiding from that. I’m done with being afraid. I walked away from you once, then I watched you walk away, and each time it has felt as though my body is being turned inside out. I don’t want to do that again.”
Her eyes were saucer-like in her face as she stared at him.
“I love you. Ti amo.” So simple. “And I always will.” His expression was wistful. “Whatever you say, whatever you decide, my heart is yours, and will always be yours. Take it, or leave it.”
Silence stretched between them, and she marvelled at this moment – at the way he looked as though he was holding his breath hostage waiting for her response.
“Please say something,” he muttered. “Tell me to go away, if that’s your wish, just say something.”
She nodded, lifting her fingertips to her lips, her brows furrowed. “I want…”
“Yes?” He was still frozen rock solid.
“You said you’d never forgive. Never forget.”
“I lied.” He was back in front of her, his finger lifting her face upwards, and this time, he dropped his head to press his forehead against hers but he kept his eyes open, linked to Elodie’s. “You gave me a son, Elodie, and he is beautiful and perfect and I love him. There is nothing to forgive. Niente.”
She sobbed.
“The forgiveness has to come from you. Forgive me for being such a bastard. Forgive me for being so utterly obtuse. Forgive me for ruining the best thing that has ever happened to me.” His hands cupped her cheeks, his fingers catching in her hair. “Forgive me for hurting you, in time, knowing that I will never do so again.”
She shook her head in a state of blissful disbelief, but he must have misunderstood, because he lifted his mouth and pressed an anguished kiss to her hair. “Don’t say ‘no’, just think about it. I love you.”
“I don’t need to think about it, Fiero.”
Wariness held his face still.
