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It was another indictment. He filed it away with the rest of his sins and moved across the room, towards the crib. He looked inside, unaware of the way Alessia’s eyes feasted on him. He was aware of nothing in that moment but the perfect, sleeping baby at her side.
“She’s beautiful.”
“Yes,” Alessia agreed, and whe
n he looked at her, her gaze had dropped to their baby.
“How do you feel?”
Her laugh was soft, and it warmed him, reminding him that she was still Alessia. “Like I’ve done something no human should ever have to do.” Her nose wrinkled, and then she frowned. “I feel tired. Exhausted.”
His stomach tightened. “Of course you do. You should sleep.”
Her eyes showed surprise, as though she’d expected him to say something else. “I’ll watch the baby.”
It was something neither of them knew they needed, but leaving the little child while Alessia slept felt counter-intuitive.
“I’m fine,” she murmured, but her eyes were already heavy. It was only once she’d fallen asleep that he realised she’d removed her wedding ring.
All hope felt lost.
* * *
He was still there when she woke, and she woke with a sense of intense disorientation, her eyes shifting from the window overlooking a pretty little garden to the door of the room – it was still daylight – to the crib and finally to Max. He stood, rather than utilising the chair in the corner, his arms crossed over his chest, a look on his face that almost took her breath away for how intense it was. How determined.
She dropped her eyes away again, finding it hard to look at him, impossible not to experience a welling in her throat and rolling sensation in the pit of her stomach.
She loved him. She’d always loved him, but it was useless and futile. No, not futile. Perhaps the sole purpose of her love was to make this beautiful little girl? Their daughter was worth all the heartbreak and hurt. Their daughter was everything.
Her eyes swept to the side table, looking for water, but landed instead on something she hadn’t seen in a very long time, something that felt too painful, too desperate, to contemplate.
She drew in a harsh breath, reaching for the photo. “Where did you get this?”
“It was at home, packed in a box with your things.”
She swallowed, her throat hurting, her eyes welling up with tears. She’d left everything when she’d left Max. She’d intended to get it all back at some point, but it was too hard. The idea of seeing him again, of seeing the things that had meant so much to her…she’d rejected that.
“I should have given it back to you sooner.”
“I meant to send for it.” She ran her finger over the familiar frame, staring at her mom, and tears filled her eyes out of nowhere. She lifted her gaze to Max’s, her heart hurting. “It’s exactly what I needed to see right now.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I kept wishing she were here. I know how much she’d have wanted to see this – to meet her. I hate that my daughter won’t ever get to know her.”
“You can fill our daughter with stories of your mother. I will do the same. She’s no longer here but she can still be a big part of her life.”
A tear slid down Alessia’s cheek. She nodded, a small smile lifting her lips as she stared at the photo.
It was Max’s breaking point. He reached across, catching the tear, smudging it away with the pad of his thumb. Her eyes fluttered shut, as though the small contact was too much, but a moment later, she fixed him with eyes that were so full of strength and determination, so determined to reject him. He dropped his hand and expelled a breath slowly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, beside her.
He felt her bristle, and knew how hard this would be – just as he deserved.
“I needed to see that photograph today, too.”
She didn’t look at him.
“I know you only left a week ago, but Christo, Alessia, I have missed you. I have missed you with every fibre of my soul. This last week has reminded me of the past five years, of the emptiness I have felt inside of me every single day. The thought of going back to that – I can’t do it.”
