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Her words breathed hope through his body – a hope that was dangerous and intemperate, but he couldn’t care.
“But living with you has been torture. Knowing how I felt and that you’d never return it, I needed to protect myself.”
“And I made that impossible.”
“Yes.” She tilted her head, her eyes still showing caution.
“Living without you is torture,” he said quietly. “I didn’t understand that.” He frowned. “Or perhaps I did. Perhaps I instinctively ran from that knowledge because I have always felt that loving someone would lead to being hurt.” He shook his head angrily. “I’ve been a coward and a bastardo, and knowing that I’ve hurt you –,”
“You did,” she said firmly, and then she sighed. “But I grew from that hurt. I had to become strong, independent. I left my dad’s shadow. I built a career that I love – that I’m really good at. And maybe if I’d stayed married to you, I wouldn’t have done any of those things.”
“You would have,” he said firmly.
“I don’t know. Maybe I would have left dad’s shadow only to become a part of yours?”
He was quiet, digesting that. Given their age difference and difference in life experience, it wasn’t so ridiculous to contemplate.
“I shouldn’t have divorced you.”
She lowered her gaze, looking at their baby but with an expression of bemusement. “You were angry.”
“Yes. That should have told me how I felt about you.” He shook his head. “I was devastated. Only a man completely in love would have cared so damned much.”
She risked a glance at him and then looked away.
“You gave all of yourself to our marriage. You came to me with your heart open during our first marriage. And in our second, you tried to keep it closed, to protect yourself from loving me. Maybe I tried to do the same, but neither of us succeeded.” He reached for the photo frame, showing her the inscription, reading aloud. “You are the light of my life. Never doubt how loved you are.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“I want to be the man you deserve. I want to be the father she deserves.” He reached out and ran a finger over their baby’s soft, downy head. She wriggled a little in response before latching on and continuing to feed hungrily. He smiled, but it was a melancholy smile, born of uncertainty. “But whatever you decide, I will dedicate the rest of my life to your happiness, Alessia. I love you too much to do anything except wait – wait for you to say what you want, to decide if you can give me another chance. And whatever you decide, I will support you fully.”
The silence was suffocating. Never before had he felt so much was at stake. Never before had he felt so completely at the mercy of another human. But he was – utterly and completely – so that whatever Alessia said he knew it would shape the rest of his life.
He waited, and he held his breath, and he tried not to show her how anxious he was, because her heart was so kind and so soft that she would very likely decide to put him at ease even if it wasn’t what she really wanted.
And eventually, she spoke.
“You know I love you.”
Humour burst through her like sunshine.
“Take a breath, Max. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
He exhaled slowly then breathed in.
“I love you,” she said, simply. “I didn’t leave you because I was angry, or because I didn’t love you. I left because I love you too much to live with you when there’s no hope you feel the same. If you really mean this…”
“With all my heart.”
She smiled at him, and Max began to breathe more freely. “You’ll come home?”
Her eyes shifted and something burst between them. An understanding of what that word really meant. It was their home, the place their heart was, where they both wanted to be. It was wherever they were together.
“Yes. Let’s go home.”
* * *
THE END
