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I didn’t care about the fact that she loved me at all.
The usual group of disreputable teens were gathered around outside, bored and with nothing to do. Once, I’d been one of them.
Today, though, I stormed past them, ignoring their greetings, anger burning like a fire in my gut, beating at the walls of the cage I kept it in, clawing to get out.
I bypassed the shaky lift and headed straight for the stairs, virtually running up the fifteen flights to Mum’s floor without pause, working out my anger the way I preferred, with physical exertion.
Ellie had backed down in the end, so of course she hadn’t meant it. She’d gone ahead and told me she loved me, and when I’d shouted at her, she’d turned away without even a protest.
I’d told her I didn’t want it and she’d simply...accepted it.
And that was a good thing, wasn’t it? That was how it should be, because I wasn’t a man to be messed with when I was in this mood.
Her fault entirely.
She should have accepted my last gift to her, thanked me, and then walked out of my life. But no, she had to make ever
ything so much harder by telling me she loved me.
Fucking love always ruined things.
I stormed down the hallway and up to Mum’s door, knocking on it as if I wanted to batter it down with my fists.
Mum opened the door and scowled. ‘Ash? What the hell do you think you’re doing breaking my door down?’
Without waiting for an invitation, I stepped into the tiny, dingy apartment I’d been brought up in. The apartment I couldn’t understand why my mother hadn’t left when given the opportunity. And then stood there as I realised I had no fucking idea why I was even here.
She shut the door behind me, still scowling. ‘What is it? You look upset.’
‘I’m not fucking upset,’ I said belligerently. ‘Why would I be upset?’
Mum folded her arms. ‘You tell me. You’re always pissed off about something.’
I glowered at her. ‘Are you surprised? After the kind of upbringing I had?’
For a second Mum didn’t say anything, only stared at me. Then she said, in a softer tone, ‘What is it, Ash?’
‘Why?’ I demanded, not realising I was going to say it until it came out. ‘Why do you not want anything I give you?’
She blinked then let out a sigh. ‘Why don’t you sit down? I’ll get you a cup of tea.’
‘I don’t want a fucking cup of tea. Just tell me. You refused the house, you refused any kind of money I wanted to give you. Why? I just wanted to give you back what I lost.’ My heart was beating furiously, the blood echoing loudly in my veins. I couldn’t understand myself, why I wanted to know this bullshit. I didn’t care about it, did I?
A strange expression crossed her face. ‘Ah, this.’
‘Yes, this.’ My hands were in fists, my fingers aching with the tension, a strange kind of fear pulsing in my veins along with the anger.
‘You worked hard for what you have,’ Mum said quietly. ‘And I know you blame yourself for what happened with the money. But...’ She let out another sigh. ‘I didn’t care about that. I cared about you.’
I stared at her. ‘I broke your trust, Mum. You never want to talk about it, so I—’
‘No, you didn’t want to talk about it. You were so angry and so betrayed. And so I decided to let it go.’
Shock echoed through me. ‘But—’
‘And as to why I’m here,’ Mum went on, ignoring me. ‘Well, it’s home. I have friends here, good friends.’ She smiled unexpectedly. ‘I belong here, love. And I don’t think you ever understood that, did you?’
‘No,’ I said automatically. ‘You should want more. It wasn’t your fault that you had me and had to settle for—’
