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So I didn’t.
I flung the door open.
A man sat in the interior. Tall and broad. Black hair and scars. Blue eyes the colour of my heart. The colour of the love and rage and hope and despair and everything in the entire world pulsing through my veins.
‘Don’t you know you shouldn’t get into a car with strange men, Miss Little?’ Ash said, his gaze intense on mine.
There was white lightning in my bloodstream, lighting me up, making me incandescent.
‘Why the hell would you think I’d get into a car with you?’ I said, my voice cracking, my body trembling. ‘After you walked away from me?’
‘I know.’ His voice was as cracked as mine. ‘And you have every reason not to get in. But I’m asking you to anyway.’
I didn’t want to. I wanted to.
And somehow my heart must have made a decision, because then I was inside the car and the door was shut. And I could feel the heat of him and his familiar electric energy. And there was relief in his eyes. As if he hadn’t thought I’d get in. But he didn’t reach for me. He stayed where he was.
‘I’m not sorry,’ I said fiercely before he could get a word in, every piece of me shaking. ‘For saying all those things to you back in London. I shouldn’t have said it was okay, that I was sorry I’d said it, because it’s not okay. And I’m not sorry. I meant every single word.’
He didn’t even blink. ‘I know you did. And that’s why I’m here. I’m here to apologise, Miss Little.’ He paused then shut his mouth as if he’d been going to go on and had thought better of it. ‘No,’ he said at last. ‘I’m not here to apologise. I’m here to grovel. I’m here to tell you that I was wrong to walk out. That I handled what you told me badly and I have no excuses for the way I spoke to you. None at all. But...you took me by surprise, Ellie. You...uncovered a vulnerability I wasn’t expecting. And I did what I normally do when an opponent finds their way under my guard. I attacked.’ He took a ragged breath, the fabric of his T-shirt stretching tight across his broad chest.
I didn’t know why I was still sitting there when every instinct I had was telling me to punch his stupid, handsome face. To show him how badly he’d hurt me. To demand why he was here telling me all of this when every second of his presence burned my skin as if it were being held over an open flame.
But I didn’t move. I wanted to hear what he had to say.
‘I hurt you,’ he went on, his gaze not moving from mine. ‘I was angry and I hurt you. Because the weakness you uncovered was one I’d been trying not to think about. One I’ve been trying to ignore since that night in Paris.’ He took another laboured breath like a runner forcing himself through the last, tough miles of a marathon. ‘You asked me once whether I ever got tired of proving myself and I told you that I never had to prove myself. But of course I was lying. I’ve been trying to prove myself my entire fucking life. Because the truth of it is that I’ve never felt good enough. Not for my father. Not for my mother. Not for Seb.’ His gaze burned. ‘And not for you. Never for you, pretty thing. In fact, I’ve been desperately trying to prove I’m not in love with you since that night in Paris. And failing. And then you told me that you loved me... Christ, Ellie! I know it’s not because of the workshop or the sex, you’re too honest and direct for t
hat to be the truth. But I told you it was because—’ He stopped, his breathing faster, harder. ‘I’m fucking terrified. You scare the living shit out of me. Because no matter how hard I try to prove to myself I’m not in love with you, I am.’ He was so still, his body almost vibrating, as if he were trying to hold himself back. ‘And I don’t know what to do.’
I saw the bewilderment in his eyes and the shock. And my heart clenched hard in my chest.
Because he was here and he’d given me the truth. And he was afraid. A man like him, a warrior, a grizzly bear, didn’t show their underbelly to just anyone.
This was a gesture of trust, I understood that.
I was shaking. ‘You could just love me.’
His indrawn breath was sharp, the look in his eyes intensifying, narrowing. ‘You still want me? After the way I hurt you?’
‘Love doesn’t go away just like that, Ash. You’ll have to try harder if you want to get rid of me completely.’ I opened my mouth to say more, but then he surged suddenly towards me, his arms around me, dragging me into his lap and holding me hard against his chest. ‘I’m sorry, pretty thing,’ he said thickly, burying his face in my neck. ‘I should never have walked away from you. I was angry and I should know by now that anger isn’t the best way to handle things, but it’s just been my default for so long. And I’m going to try to be better. I want to change, to be different—’
‘No,’ I said fiercely, threading my hands through his thick black hair and tugging on it so his head lifted and his gaze met mine. ‘I don’t want you to change and you don’t have to be different. I love you as you are, Ash Evans. Sure, you might have difficulty with being nice and you’re a grumpy bear of a man, but your heart is in the right place. You want to do right by people, help them. All your charity work and investments in small companies... Hell, even your bloody revenge against your half-brother had a charitable purpose.’
He blinked at me. ‘Grumpy bear of a man?’
I growled. ‘Listen to me, idiot. I’m trying to tell you that you’re an amazing person. You don’t have to do anything but be yourself with me.’
The look in his eyes took my breath away. ‘You don’t either, understand me?’ His hands cupped my face, his big palms warm against my skin. ‘I love your honesty and your bluntness. I love your excitement and your smile. And I love your passion, Ellie Little. Because if there’s one thing you are it’s passionate and I don’t ever want that to change.’
There were more stupid tears in my eyes, but I didn’t do anything about them, just as I didn’t do anything about the ache in my heart, that was no less painful and yet had become sweeter somehow, an ache to cherish rather than fight against. ‘I don’t think I can change that, so you’re stuck with it.’
He smiled and the ache got sweeter still. ‘I won’t be an easy man to live with, pretty thing. But I’m yours if you’ll have me.’
‘I will have you.’ I reached up to kiss him. ‘You should know by now that I love a challenge.’
He laughed, a deep rumbling sound. ‘Then strap in, baby. I may not be easy, but I can guarantee one hell of a ride.’
That was the thing about Ash Evans. He was a man of his word.
