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“It’s why I worked nights. I needed to be here to keep an eye on her during the day. But then, she stopped sleeping altogether, downloaded gambling apps on her phone. When I took that away she bought a new one. I’ve never seen someone run up such huge debts so quickly.” Addie’s words were measured, but Guy knew the emotions that were behind them. He felt her grief. “My credit card is at its limit. I literally use my pay cheque to pay it down each week, but I can never get ahead. I tried for so long, Guy. I tried to keep it together. For dad and for Chris.” She swept her eyes shut. “I couldn’t do it anymore. Not at the rate she runs up debt.”
“How can she keep getting in debt? Can you not limit her access to funds?”
Adeline jerked her head. “I did. Then she went and borrowed it from … well, less than savoury money lenders.” A shiver ran down her spine and an answering need to protect Adeline took hold of him. “They weren’t exactly willing to negotiate a payment plan.”
“For God’s sake, Adeline,” he stared at her for a piercing moment and then closed the distance between them. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You didn’t want to talk about the past. You didn’t want me to explain.”
The accusation was a noose, tightening around his throat. Because she was right and he could see now how completely he’d failed her. “I mean back then.” The words were graveled. “In London.”
She looked at him and then shifted her gaze over his shoulder. “Because I was ashamed. And I knew mum wouldn’t want anyone to know.” The words were simple enough but they stretched his insides painfully. The words had a heaviness to them that moved straight into Guy’s chest and hollowed it out. “And you were just so perfect … how could I tell you what a mess my life was in? How could I tell you about my mum, or any of this, knowing that you might think it was why I was with you?” A single tear rolled down her cheek.
“I lied to you, but it was only because I was so scared of what the truth would do to us.” She sobbed and then shook her head, desperately trying to bring her emotions under control. “And I … I liked the way I was with you. I liked the way it felt being Ava.”
“Adeline,” he cupped her face.
She glared at him and made a throaty sound of surrender. “No!” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Don’t. Don’t touch me. Don’t pretend.”
“I wanted you to have that money,” he said.
“How could I take it?” She demanded. “I’d do anything rather than have you think me capable of that.” They were quiet for a moment. “Now that you know, would you please leave me alone? I have the moving truck arriving in two hours and too much to do to walk down memory lane with you.”
“Let me help you,” he said insistently.
“I told you, I don’t want your money.” The words were flung at him with fury.
And he understood – it was too late. He couldn’t make amends so easily – a cheque wouldn’t cut it. He had to start slowly. To try anything. “I mean with the move. Let me help
you box things.”
But Addie was adamant. “No.” She shook her head. “I need you to go, Guy. Please. I can’t … Today is hard enough. I can’t deal with you as well.”
His breath was burning his lungs. “That day on the boat…”
“Don’t.” Her eyes were begging him to stop. “I don’t want to think about it.”
“I was so angry. I’ve been angry with you since London. Since that night at the restaurant.”
“I know.” She swallowed.
“But I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have let you go.”
Her expression showed impatience. “You feel guilty.” Her shrug was small. “But you don’t need to. This is my life. I never should have asked you for help. It was never your responsibility to fix this for me.”
“It was!” He contradicted forcefully. “Everything about you became my responsibility from the moment we met. My God, Adeline, I’ve let my own stupid hang ups colour me this whole time, my whole life. Because Maria lied to me, I’ve been so sure all women are liars.”
“I did lie to you,” Adeline pointed out stiffly, moving away from him.
But he caught her wrist, and pulled her back, holding her close, so close that she could feel his warmth. “You were caught in a lie,” he corrected. “And you didn’t know how to get out of it. It’s not the same as willingly deceiving.”
She had tried to tell him that again and again. Hearing the admission on his lips, now, when it was too late, was a painful balm.
“It doesn’t matter.” She pulled her wrist free. “When we were first together, I used to think that us meeting the way we did, on the anniversary of the crash, when I was at such a low… I know it sounds foolish, but I used to think that you were a gift from heaven. That perhaps my father and brother, or some guardian angel – I don’t know – that someone had brought you into my life, knowing you were just exactly what I needed.” She made a guttural noise of rejection. “It’s stupid. So stupid.” She pulled herself back to the present, ignoring the pang in her heart. “What we were … it’s over. It’s … broken.”
His eyes swept shut. He was dropping off the edge of a cliff, in free-fall. “It can’t be.” He stared into her eyes and wrapped his hands behind her back, holding her to him. “You’re the first and only woman I’ve ever loved. And I plan on loving you for the rest of my life. So this, what we are, it can’t be broken.”
She stared up at him for a long time, consternation obvious on her features before she pushed away from him, breaking the circle of his arms. “You don’t love me.”
