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He grimaced inwardly. He didn’t want to eat dinner with strangers. He had no time for them. “Why do I feel like I’m being put in the penalty box?” He asked quietly, standing just inches from her but taking great care not to touch.
“You aren’t.” She flashed him an over-bright smile. “Excuse me. Help yourself to some wine.” She insisted, stirring the risotto that was bubbling away on the stove top.
“Katie---.”
“Listen, David---,”
She smiled nervously. “You go.”
“I’m no good at apologies. I don’t make many of them. I don’t know if I messed it up earlier. I am sorry we argued.”
“No.” She shook her head and placed the wooden spoon on the chopping board, turning to face him, slowly. “I’m sorry. I over-reacted. And I shouldn’t have said what I did about you.” She toyed with her earrings, while searching for the right words. “It’s just… you were sort of right. I mean, I don’t think you’re another Roberto, but I guess the ghost of him is everywhere. He promised me the world and then left me without a backwards glance. Roberto said everything I ever thought I wanted to hear. And it all meant nothing. I liked that you were so honest with me from the start. I don’t want you to pretend that you’re something you’re not, or that we’re something we’re not.”
He felt a stab of guilt at the lie that he didn’t seem to be able to undo.
Katie put a hand on his arm. “It’s just you and me, Katie and David, and while it lasts and works, that’s great. Do you know how much I appreciated your honesty that night we met? I knew I wanted you, but when you were so frank with me, I knew I really respected you, too. You don’t need to make out we’re some great romance.”
The urge to confide in her was so strong, but he knew it would absolutely be the end of them. And he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ready to say good bye to her. But would he ever be? He wondered, looking down into her heart shaped face.
“Katie, let me be honest with you now,” he said firmly. “Another time, another place, I think you’re someone I could really fall in love with.”
Katie’s heart lurched painfully in her chest.
“But I’m… all kinds of wrong for you. What you said today, you hit the nail on the head. I’m… in a weird place right now. And I’m not relationship material. Never was, particularly, but lately I’ve realized that I’ll never be able to give a woman what she deserves. Especially not you, who deserves so much.”
“Why do you talk like that?” She asked with a frown. Then, hearing herself, she shook her head. “I’m not saying I want a relationship with you, either. I just think you’ve got a lot to give someone, someday.”
He thought about Iraq and shook his head firmly. “No. I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”
“Why?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “I’d definitely take a dare on that question.”
She tried to ignore the frustration that was gnawing at her heart. “Okay, I get it. Closed book. I’m sorry for pushing you away all day. I just needed to sort my own head out before talking to you. Nothing matters more to me than honesty, especially after everything with Roberto… I wanted to be sure that I was. Honest with you.”
The guilt that spread through his body didn’t go away for the rest of the night. He made polite small talk with the other guests for the shortest possible time, while eating the delicious risotto Katie had made. But as soon as it was decent to do so, he excused himself and went up to his room. He needed to think.
He’d told himself this would be a distraction from the other stuff. The stuff that kept him awake most nights. The memories of Iraq, the death of his best friend, and the baby that should have been, but instead, he was finding something ever darker and more dangerous to obsess over. Katie Collins, and the puzzle that was their relationship, was driving him demented.
Katie would never forgive him if she knew who he was.
Could he get away with not telling her?
If she believed him to be a teacher from London, could he not just disappear from her life, and leave them both the memories of this time, at least?
But that would mean never seeing her again. And wasn’t it worth the risk of her hating him, on the very, very slight chance that she might understand and forgive him?
And then what? He asked himself with self-derision. “You live happily ever after.” He muttered into his pillow, slapping the bed with his hand. It was useless. Happily Ever Afters were the stuff of fairytales, and his life was far from a fairy tale. If anything, his life had become a nightmare. Only Marcus Harris had built himself up from the ground and he was damned if he was going to let this beat him.
He would find a way to make this work.
CHAPTER SIX
“Mu-uuuum!”
Katie looked up from the paperwork she was filing, having just farewelled the Augustines of Edinburgh, back on their caravan adventure.
She stepped out of the small office and looked up the stairs. Maxie stood, dressed in a tracksuit and a weatherproof jacket, a backpack in one hand, and his face filled with pleasure.
