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I expel a breath. I hear caution in his voice and I understand it. Neither of us wants anything serious. In fact, he’s made an absolute art form of avoiding anything approaching a date.
‘I have a proposition for you.’
‘I’m intrigued.’
‘You should be.’
A pause, and I imagine him smiling; warmth floods me.
‘I’ll come to you. What time?’
‘Two o’clock?’
‘Great.’
He gives me an address and a passcode to the building and just like that I feel the hint of my high surging forward.
I dress with care. As a teenager I adapted quickly to Singapore’s climate but at twenty-nine, I find it a lot harder to process the humidity. I’ve come from a London winter after all, so the sultry heat makes me reach for a loose cotton dress, and no bra. I pull my hair into a topknot and do the bare minimum of make-up.
I go through the motions with my family and it’s made all the more bearable because I have the secret knowledge that I’m going to see Zach again. And I’m excited. Excited in a way I haven’t felt for a long time.
My naturally cautious temperament exerts itself, reminding me this isn’t a done deal, that he might not agree to my terms, and then I need to walk away. Some things can’t be negotiated.
Just before two, I step out of a cab in front of a huge steel monolith reaching high into the clear blue sky. My heart has begun to pound against my chest. My ribs feel every throb. I throw a glance down the street before crossing then enter large sliding glass doors. The foyer of the building is stunning. Modern but with lots of hints of Singapore’s past and a huge Christmas tree right in its centre. I cross the highly polished tiles and my heels make a clickety-clack sound as I go. It breathes confidence in my body, but my fingers are still shaking slightly as I press the numbers he gave me into the elevator control panel. The doors open and when I get inside only one button is lit—the top floor. Of course.
I move to the back of the lift, wishing I could ascribe my loopy tummy to the lift’s rapid ascent alone, but I know there’s so much more at play. I’m nervous.
The doors whoosh open, straight into an entrance foyer. Like the foyer downstairs it has beautifully polished tiles that give it a sense of luxury—but it’s not that alone. I step forward, my eyes catching hints of detail. The living space is double height with floor-to-ceiling windows, beautiful, sumptuous furnishings, an enormous crystal chandelier hangs centrally and there’s a grand piano in the corner. But I only have a second to observe these things before a movement catches my eyes.
Zach.
My stomach hurts.
He looks so damned good. I wish I could have braced myself for that but I don’t think there’s any way to inure myself to his appeal. He’s wearing dark grey suit pants and a pale blue shirt. His jacket is discarded, his hair is messed as if he’s been running his fingers through it and his feet are bare. It’s that last detail that draws a smile over my face. He walks towards me, and his manner is a little different—hard to read—which I understand. He’s being cautious. He doesn’t know why I’m here, and he’s uncertain.
He has rules.
We both do.
He probably thinks I’m about to become a level-five clinger and beg him to marry me. I have to hold back a laugh at that thought.
‘Come on in.’ He sweeps his hand towards the living space. More details filter through to my mind. Beautiful artwork—modern with splashes of colour in big black frames. White walls. High ceilings. A mezzanine. An enormous kitchen full of white and marble, a sweeping staircase.
‘Would you like something? Water? Coffee? Wine?’
I shake my head. I need to get this over with.
‘Take a seat.’
I fidget with my fingers at my side, moving to the chair he indicated and sliding into it. But the second I sit down I feel uneasy and stand back up again.
I shake my head in a silent apology, moving towards the window. This is crazy and yet it’s not.
‘I had an idea this morning,’ I say, deciding I might as well cut right to the chase.
‘Go on.’ He looks as relaxed as anything, sitting in a black armchair with his legs kicked out in front of him.
‘You know why I’m in Singapore and how I feel about being here.’ I bite down on my lip. ‘I do love my family but I find these trips incredibly stressful.’
