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“I know.” She looked down at the table. Their discussion had returned to dangerous ground.
“I mean it, cara. I would do anything to return to that time in your life and help remove some of the pain you felt.”
She nodded, but she didn’t agree with him. The pain she felt wouldn’t have been alleviated by Carlos’s presence. Not when their marriage had been in tatters.
“You spent twelve months pushing me away, Carlo. Were you really so surprised when I went?”
He watched her thoughtfully. He had pushed her away. She was absolutely right. And he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to explain why. “Yes,” he said with a tight grimace. “But that was my fault. I was stupid to believe…”
“Believe what?” She whispered, her heart slowing to a painful thudding rhythm against her ribs.
That love would be enough? He almost rolled his eyes at the cliché that came to mind. He was Carlo Santini. He’d made a fortune out of nothing. “We were married,” he said with the black-and-white sense he was renowned for. “I intended that to be for the rest of our lives. For better or for worse.”
Jane’s heart ached. “You’re blaming me?”
He shook his head. He hadn’t meant to.
“Yes, you are. You think I didn’t stand by our marriage vows?”
His laugh was harsh. He didn’t want to fight with her, and yet… “Well, you did leave me.”
“You gave me no choice! What did you think, Carlo?” She put her hands in her lap and fidgeted with her fingers. “Did you honestly think that we had a good marriage?”
He had thought love would be enough. His eyes were intense. “You let Alessandra needle you into thinking otherwise.”
Her laugh was a harsh bark. “Yes. Alessandra was a bitch to me. I see that now. I was young, and I was jealous, and I was in love with a man who didn’t seem to want me anymore.”
“Didn’t want you anymore?” He contradicted with incredulity. “How can you say that?”
“I don’t mean sexually,” she whispered with a twist of her lips. “Sex was great. In the end, it was all we had. And that’s not enough.”
“What did Alessandra say to you?” He thought of the beautiful blonde he’d been stupid enough to think might be a friend for Jane when she had first moved to Rome.
“It doesn’t matter now,” Jane muttered, looking towards the doorway as Anna entered.
The older woman seemed a little embarrassed, perhaps because of the way she’d tattled to Carlo and forced Jane into joining him for this excruciating post-mortem of their marriage. But she couldn’t be cross with the lovely housekeeper.
When Anna had placed the delicious selection of meals before them, and discretely bustled away, Carlo fixed Jane with his rapier sharp stare. “It does matter. I would be fascinated to know just how she undermined your confidence to such a degree.”
“It was only partly Alessandra.”
“Then tell me the part she did play.”
Jane lifted her glass and cradled it in her hands. Alessandra had been a particularly beautiful and insidious companion. She’d seemed friendly enough, at first. In fact, in those early, happy days, when their marriage had been new and exciting, Jane had actually hoped she might become friends with the glamorous local. But once Jane trusted Alessandra, the cruel comments had begun. Poor Carlo. He meant well, when he married you. But men like him cannot keep it in their pants. Jane had been able to laugh it off. After all, Carlo wouldn’t cheat on her. You should have taken a leaf out of my book. Used him for sex, but never got serious. Never mind that Carlo hadn’t given Jane that chance. He’d refused to take her innocence until they were married. What had upset her more was the information that Carlo had been sexually involved with Alessandra, a woman he still welcomed to his house like a valued friend.
And she was stunning. Tall and slender, with legs that went forever an
d hair a shining white. Her black eyes seemed to whisper mysteries, and her fingernails were red talons, always painted the same colour.
Darling, you are better to leave him now. How can you allow him to humiliate you like this? You must have some pride left. I know you love him, but surely you can see that Carlo is not built for love.
And he hadn’t been.
Jane shook her head. “Suffice it to say, she only helped me see what I already knew.”
“Which was?”
“That our marriage was a mistake.” For years, she’d told herself the words she now said to him. “I found you desirable. I was young. Inexperienced. And I mistook that for love. I didn’t have any understanding of sex, or love. Was it any wonder that I thought we were living out some kind of fairy tale?” She shook her head with self-derision. “I was a stupid kid.” She lanced him with her cloudy blue eyes. “I understand that now. How wrong I was to believe it all. One kiss from you and I was ready to agree to anything you wanted.” She bit down on her lower lip, her even white teeth massaging the pillowy pink flesh in a way that drew Carlo’s gaze. “But there’s one thing I’ve never understood.”
