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“Yes! That you needed me somewhere other than your bed.”
“That’s bullshit,” he contradicted, knowing he should be playing this smarter and saying what she needed to hear now. Only he couldn’t fight his true nature, and he needed to be honest with her. “You just weren’t listening. I gave you more of myself than I knew I had to give. I’ve never had a relationship before, Finn! I didn’t know what the hell I was doing! All my adult life has been about taking what I wanted and making it work for me. I stuffed up! I admit that. But every time I looked at you, you must have seen how I felt. When I reached for you in the middle of the night, that wasn’t just
because my body was turned on and looking for a quick fuck. My God, I reached for you because I needed you. Because I needed to feel you, and smell you, and taste you.”
She was shaking. Her mind was reeling. “That’s just sex.”
“It’s never just been sex with us!” He yelled, dragging a hand through his hair. “You were there with me. I know you felt what I did.”
“Stop it,” she shook her head from side to side, her hair loosening about her face. “Even when you went back to Manhattan, you asked me to come in the most noncommittal way possible. You wouldn’t have cared if I’d said no. You would have just replaced me.”
“How could I ever replace you? I’ve slept with a lot of women, Finn. I’m not going to lie to you. But I have never asked a single one of them to stay. To live with me. To wake up next to me. To eat with me. To laugh with me. I have never called one in the middle of the day just to hear their voice, as I did with you every day. Do you really think I could ever replace you?”
A sob tore from her body and she spun away from him, her every sense was besieged by hope and wonderment. Had Connie been right after all? These were the words of a man in love. A man who didn’t believe in love, who was nonetheless experiencing it.
“I judged my mother so harshly for her dramatic lifestyle choices and yet here I am, willing to do anything you ask of me. I would give away my fortune for you. I want you. And I’m begging you.”
She spun around to face him. “You don’t beg. And you don’t ask twice.”
“Don’t. Don’t repeat my stupid, idiotic assertions back to me.”
She bit down on her lip. “For how long?”
“For how long what?”
“For how long do you want me? Another week? A month perhaps? I can’t leave you again. You speak of being broken and yet you’ve no idea.” She pulled the blanket more tightly around her shoulders. “If I have to leave you again, it will break me beyond repair.”
“Then don’t. Don’t ever leave me.”
Her eyes widened. Her heart raced. But she wasn’t ready yet. She couldn’t believe. It was asking too much. “Why are you here?” Her words were soaked with tears. “Why did you come back?”
“You know that. I saw you with Anton Fuller and I felt like I’d been shot. I had held onto my anger. I had wanted to hate you. To feel fury at you for disregarding the uniqueness of what we feel for one another. And then I saw you with him and my whole fucking house of cards went out the window. You kissed him like you used to kiss me. I will never forget the sight of it.”
“I didn’t,” she whispered, hating the idea of hurting him. Suddenly it mattered more than anything that she at least relieve him of that pain. “It wasn’t like with you. He’s a nice guy, but he’s not you.” She bit down on her lip. “There were two more before him.”
Caradoc gripped the back of a chair for strength. She saw the gesture and though she loathed that she’d pained him, her heart soared. Only love could wound like that.
“I called them my fake Caradocs. They were rich. Powerful. Successful. I was desperate to find someone like you. I thought if I did I could fill this enormous hole in my chest. But there’s no one like you. And they were poor, poor imitations.”
“I hate it. I hate that you’ve been with … I hate to think of you with three other men since we … since you left. It would drive me insane if I let it. But I can’t blame you. I let you go. I will never make that mistake again.”
She shook her head. “I dated them. I didn’t sleep with them. Caradoc, do you really think I could? After you? I was in the same boat you were. It makes me feel sick to imagine another man’s hands …”
“Don’t,” he ground out, his voice gravelly. “Let’s not then. Let’s just … leave it that neither of us could accept it’s over.”
“But it is, isn’t it?” She said slowly. “I mean, nothing’s changed?”
“Everything’s changed,” he contradicted grimly. “I’ve tasted life without you and it’s not for me.”
“So?” She prompted, waiting, hoping.
“You hold all the cards, Finn. Tell me what you need. How will this work for you? What do you want? What can I give you to fix this?”
She laughed and shook her head. “You’re an idiot.”
He was confused. He had felt that they were so close. That she was listening and on the brink of agreeing with him. Had he really read her so wrong?
“Caradoc, you’re in love with me.”
