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I wave my hand through the air. ‘And that’s it?’ I repeat angrily.
‘What more do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you I don’t love you? That I don’t love anyone? That hearing you say you love me is the absolute last thing I want?’
I spin away from him, my heart in a thousand pieces. I don’t love you.
‘All this time, you’ve accused me of living my life for other people, but at least there’s a purpose to my choices. You push everyone away because you’re terrified of getting close to another soul.’
‘I am not afraid.’
‘Liar,’ I mutter. ‘You stand there and tell me you don’t love me, but I don’t think you even know how you feel. You’re clinging to a self-protective mechanism you developed decades ago, even when it’s destroying your life.’
‘I’m perfectly happy in my life.’
‘How can you be when you’re so alone?’
‘Alone is the last thing I am.’
I suck in a deep breath, his words like a sledgehammer at my side.
I spin round to face him in time to see him pick up the contract. ‘You’re right, Your Highness. There’s no future here. You want more than I could ever give you—or anyone.’
* * *
‘It’s a beautiful day, Your Highness.’
I blink across at Claudia, a frown on my face.
‘Sorry?’
She gestures to the window I’m sitting at, pointing at the blue sky. ‘Why don’t we go for a drive into the country? Have a picnic somewhere, hmm?’
My smile is tight and dismissive. ‘I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s not necessary. I’m fine.’
We haven’t discussed the details of my love life. Three weeks ago, I came back to my apartment with tear-streaked cheeks and Claudia drew me into her arms and held me. Without knowing what happened—though I’m sure she’s guessed some of it—she knew I was devastated. Since then, she’s been a godsend, clearing my schedule as much as possible, minimising any requirements for me to go out in the world, to be seen and behave as normal.
I don’t feel normal.
I feel broken in a way that must be obvious to anyone who looks at me.
‘At some point, you’re going to have to face this,’ she says gently, propping her hips on the desk at my side, studying my face with worry.
‘Face what?’
Her sigh is just audible. ‘Whatever is making you feel like this. Why don’t you tell me about it?’
My eyes clamp shut. I remember how certain Claudia was that Santiago was every bit as bad as his reputation, but the truth is she was wrong. He’s nothing like people assume, but for me that’s even worse. Loving him was too easy.
‘I can’t.’ My voice cracks.
She sighs again. ‘Then tell me what I can do to help.’
I’m tempted to respond with ‘nothing’, but suddenly it occurs to me that that’s not true. My eyes widen as realisation starts to firm inside my chest. I rejected Santiago because of duty—a duty to my parents and my people, a wish to do them proud. Becoming another notch on Santiago’s bedpost would have been insupportable. I walked away from the only man I’ve ever loved because it was the right thing to do. And now I have to take the next step, cementing the break between us, making it impossible for me to change my mind. He was offering sex, that’s all. How could he have expected me to jeopardise my reputation for something he sees as meaningless?
I fix Claudia with a cool stare, but as I speak I feel as though my heart is turning to ice. ‘Would you contact Heydar for me? I’d like to meet with him for lunch.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘THANK YOU FOR meeting me,’ I say quietly, nerves fluttering inside my belly.
