AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Jane’s eyes flew to his, searching for truth, needing some kind of confirmation.
“I don’t know what to say. She was pretty confident.”
He shook his head slowly. “She was pretty wrong.”
“Carter… I need to think.” She put a hand on his chest.
He lowered his face, and brushed his lips lightly over hers. “You need to feel.” He corrected, kissing her properly, and moving his hands back, so that his fingers could pull through her mane of shining brown waves. “Feel this, and trust this,” he whispered in her ear, pressing his body against hers so that she could feel his arousal.
“It’s just sex,” she groaned, lifting her arms above her head so that he could pull her dress free. He lowered her to the ground, so that they were concealed by the heavily tinted glass that made up the railing of the terrace.
“Is it?” He asked with a small smile, lowering his mouth to her breasts, while his hands slid her underwear from her body. He paused only long enough to undo his pants, and push them partway down his body, before entering her swiftly. “Is this just sex?”
Confusion was swamped by desire. Doubt was driven out by pleasure. Worry was completely dissolved by pure, over-riding love. She didn’t answer. She didn’t trust herself, lest she say the three words that were suddenly tripping on the tip of her tongue, desperately clamouring to be expressed. I love you. She thought it, over and over again, as he moved within her and brought pleasure, as a blanket, to wrap firmly around her. It was terrifying and yet it was security.
Beneath the sprinkle of stars, with a view of Manhattan, she let herself ride an intense wave of pleasure in Carter’s arms. But as soon as she came down from that crest, she wondered if it would be the last time. She knew one thing for certain. She loved him too much to stay in his life, waiting for the axe to fall. If Renata was right, that day would come, and Jane would be left with only a broken heart and bittersweet memories. She wriggled away from him, and reached for her dress.
When she spoke, her voice was unsteady. “I’m going to get going.”
“What?” He stood and quickly pulled his clothes back to their usual state. “This is ridiculous. Renata is a woman who means nothing to me. Why would her word have more weight with you than mine?”
Jane’s lips twisted into a half smile. “It isn’t that.” She shook her head. “I just need to think. Can you… just give me a few days?”
He pressed his lips together, and she could see the he was waging an internal battle. “This should not be so complicated,” he muttered, as he had done in her apartment the night before.
“But it is!” She said, her temper finally fraying to breaking point. “You hired me to sleep with you, for God’s sake. How can we ever separate anything else out from that?” Her voice cracked as tears clogged her throat. “If we spend more time together, you’re always going to wonder if it’s because of our financial situations. And I’m always going to wonder if you’re using me for sex. And,” she put a hand in the air when he went to interrupt her. “And I’m always going to be wondering when you’ll get sick of that. That’s not even thinking about your father. My sister. Your embarrassment of what I used to do – no matter how you dress it up, I know you, Carter, and I know you don’t want to answer questions about your lover’s history as a well-paid escort.”
She ran a shaking hand through her hair. “I have to go.”
He was almost paralysed by the speech. She had enumerated so many issues that his head was spinning. “All that matters is where you want to be. Do you want to be here?”
She closed her eyes. “I don’t have the luxury of thinking only of myself.” She turned her back to him. “Would you mind?”
He expelled a sigh as he pressed his fingers against her zip and slowly lifted it up her body. “I think you’re being overly-dramatic for no reason.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Maybe.” She shrugged. “Tell me this, then. What do you want from me, Carter?”
He frowned. “I don’t want anything from you.”
“From this? What do you want?”
“I just want… you.”
“But for how long?” She bit down on her lip to stop herself from saying anymore. She knew she was coming close to being dangerously needy.
“Is that what you’re wanting? Some kind of guarantee?”
She lifted her slender shoulders and turned her head away from him, pretending interest in a rustling pot plant in the corner of the terrace. “To be honest, I don’t know what I want, or what I need. This is all really new to me.” She lifted a hand to keep her hair from breezing past her face at the same time he did. Their hands connected, and he wrapped his fingers around hers. She tried to smile, but it was a watery imitation. “I think we both need some time.”
He nodded, but he didn’t agree. Time awa
y from Jane felt like he was asking to be sent to hell. He didn’t want time, but he said nothing, for her sense of distress was too great for him to address. He had no experience with situations such as this. When he had left women in the past, it was because he was ready to finish a relationship. The very notion that Jane might leave him was unwelcome.
“Don’t think too long,” he said, pulling her towards him. “I’ll miss you.”
Not the three words she was longing to hear, but they were welcome nonetheless. She looked up at him with all the strength of feelings in her eyes. “I’ve thought about Anita for so long… I don’t even know what I want. But I know that this is a little too much. A little too real.” She lifted a finger to his lips to silence him. “I’ll call you.”
* * *
