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She didn’t move and so he drew to her, as though pulled by an invisible string. He lifted her against his waist and carried her back to the chair, where he sat them both down, her in his lap. “Do you need anything? A drink? Lunch?”
She shook her head, though she needed many things.
“Renata told me she loved me.” Jane froze. “That she wanted to marry me.” Jane felt sick. “That she would leave me if I didn’t propose.” Jane stared at him, curious and distressed in equal measure. Carter shrugged. “I didn’t love her. Not even a bit. I didn’t want to marry her. I didn’t propose. I left her. I left her without so much as a backwards glance. I met you, anyway, and so even without her ultimatum, I would have ended things with Renata.”
Jane was silent. Finally, she looked at him. “Why did you want me to know that?”
“Because Renata is nothing to me. She never has been.”
“Frankly,” Jane whispered, “It isn’t helping your cause to be so proud of your ability to have meaningless sex. After all, I have no reason to suspect that we are anything more than that.”
He swore with a soft frustration. “You have every reason. You know we’re more.”
Her heart turned over in her chest. “Do I?”
“The moment I saw you, I knew I wanted you. The moment I had you, I knew I needed more. I wake up every morning with one thought in my head. You.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “You do?”
He nodded. “In my world, I have become used to recognising what I want very quickly, and taking steps to protect my interests. I think of you as mine. I think of us as sacred. I am trying to do what I can to wrap what we share in
an unbreakable shield.”
She blinked. “What are you saying?”
He shook his head. “You have given up more than any person should have to, for a sibling. You have sacrificed so much. You have carried worries on your shoulders when most people are being frivolous and fun.” He kissed her shoulders, first one, then the other. “I need you to know that your decision is completely yours to make. You see, Jane, you’re not the only one out on a limb here.”
She continued to stare at him wordlessly.
“If you decide to walk away from me, I will be devastated, but I will accept it. God knows, you’ve already had too many people making claims on you. The last thing I want is to be yet another duty to you.” He gripped her shoulders, suddenly overcome. “You need to know that life is no longer just happening to you. You have money. You can walk whatever path you choose. Leave me. Study. Do what you want. Or stay with me.” He grinned. “Please.” Then shook his head. “Or not. But whatever you do, do it only because it’s what you want, not because you have a hand pulled up your back.”
Jane wriggled off his lap, to another timber chair, and she lifted her hands to her lips.
“Why would you do this for me?”
“Because you’ve had a shitty run. Because you could have been living an entirely different life now, and yet you aren’t. Because you deserve someone to fucking do what they can to help you, for once.”
Jane shook her head, the reality of her situation sinking in. She stood up and walked towards the glass doors that led to the terrace. “And what do you want from me in return?”
“I told you,” he said slowly. “I want nothing in return.” He stood. “At some point, if you decide to stay with me, I would like to talk to you about marriage. But not now. I want you to get used to the idea that you have real options, before you think about something as big as ‘forever after’.”
She froze, as though she’d been whipped. Carefully, slowly, she spun around. “What did you just say?”
“I will miss you, but you should travel. You should enjoy life.” His smile was indulgent. “Jane, I love you too much to ask you to sit tight with me in Manhattan. I love you too much to ask you to marry me at twenty three years of age.” He shook his head. “I love you just enough to let you go. To set you free, and hope that you see the world and still decide the only place you want to be, ultimately, is here, with me.”
She closed her eyes and reached out for a wall for support. “Carter, I think I’m going to pass out.”
He laughed, but her knees buckled, and he swore, grabbing for her and catching her just before she hit the ground. Her eyes flickered open though, her mouth tickled at the corners.
“How can you say you love me?” She asked, sounding, to both of them, like an entirely sensible person. “We only met a month ago.”
He nodded. “I told you. My job requires me to be swift at making decisions. And I never make a bad decision. I’m sort of renowned for it.”
She shivered. “It’s too much.”
He was very, very quiet. “It’s only too much if you don’t feel the same way.”
Jane’s brow furrowed. “Why would you say that?” She asked, truly stumped.
