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The sun is reaching in through the windows, though it is wintry and weak.
‘Hi.’ She smiles at me and my gut twists, like her hands have reached inside me and toyed with my organs.
‘Hi.’ My voice is gruff.
‘You slept.’ She reaches a finger out and touches my lip, tracing it in a way that tickles.
I frown. She’s right. I did sleep, and the whole night through. When was the last time that happened? Before she died. But I don’t want to think about Julianne now.
I don’t want to think about the way I treated her. About the impossibility of making amends, changing my actions, mending her heart.
Holly has this thing she does, when she’s trying to work out what to say to me. She bites on her lip and pinches her eyes together, just a little, just enough to make me know she’s worried she’s going to offend me or push me away.
It gives me enough time to prepare for whatever is coming. How long has she been watching me? And what has she been thinking about? An unfamiliar—no, not unfamiliar—a long-forgotten vulnerability creeps along my spine. A sense of being exposed and weak.
I swallow. Ignoring the feeling. Telling myself it doesn’t apply here.
‘Why don’t you talk about your family?’
Jesus. I wasn’t prepared for that. We were talking about this last night, though. In the kitchen. Before. Before everything.
‘Why do we have to?’
Her frown is infinitesimal...and instantly unpalatable. I don’t want to make Holly frown. I want to make her smile and laugh, to make her face contort with pleasure in a way that is evidence of her mind being blown.
‘We don’t have to. I’m just curious...’
Of course she is. A normal woman would be curious by now and Holly is no normal woman. ‘It’s family,’ I say with a roll of my eyes. It’s an act I’ve perfected over the years. A pretence that I’m long-suffering, like everyone else. Like I have a raft of aunts and uncles and siblings and cousins who drive me crazy instead of the paralyzing loneliness I have known almost my entire life. ‘Do you want to talk about your family?’
She frowns. ‘My family is...nothing special.’
I sense a reprieve, and also curiosity sparks inside me. Both push me to ask, ‘They must be to have made you.’
The compliment shivers across her flesh, goosebumps spreading before my eyes. Power thrills in my gut. ‘Tell me about them.’ I drag the sheet down, exposing her nakedness to me, my gesture possessive and unapologetically so.
‘I thought you didn’t want to talk about family.’
‘My family.’ Or lack thereof.
She rolls her eyes. ‘That’s not fair.’
‘Isn’t it?’ I grin, my fingers finding the curve of her hip and drawing invisible circles there, running figures of eight over her silky flesh until she exhales softly.
‘My parents are very conservative, both in the armed forces. My mother has an administrative role—it’s how they met. My brothers signed up as soon as they were eighteen. I don’t think my dad’s ever forgiven me for not doing the same.’
‘He must be proud of what you do.’
‘He hates shrinks,’ she says with a shrug.
‘Why?’
‘Does he need a reason?’
‘In my experience, there’s usually a reason.’
‘Like with you?’ she prompts.
‘Nice try, Doc, but I asked first.’
