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‘Fucking me isn’t what you hoped would change you. It was all of this. You came to London because you didn’t want to be the defender of men like Donovan any more. You came here because you’re running from who you are. I’m just a part of that.’
‘No! You’re all of that. You’re so fucking good, Olivia! You’re some kind of angel. I actually thought that being with you could give me some kind of fucking redemption. Or clarity. Something. But all it’s done is put your future in jeopardy. See? Even when I’m trying to be good, I fuck it up.’
‘Wait a second,’ she says, frowning. ‘What’s in jeopardy?’
‘Nothing!’ I’m exasperated. ‘But that thing with Dash could have been a disaster. That was a bullshit thing to do to you. You were right to be pissed about it. What if he found out about us, Olivia? What then? You’d have lost your shot at the CPS—see? My decision, my mistake. You’re all good. I’m not. I did what you explicitly asked me not to and it could have ruined everything you’ve been working towards.’
She swallows, her beautiful, delicate throat knotting so that I see her pain and feel it lodge inside me. ‘But he didn’t find out,’ she says with a simplicity neither of us feels.
‘That’s beside the point!’ I drop my hand and step back from her. ‘I did what I wanted without thinking about what was good for you. Sooner or later, this will be bad for you, Olivia.’
She shakes her head.
God, she’s fighting this and now that I’ve seen the truth of our situation I can’t ignore it. I want her, I want to pretend this is fine. But I can’t.
‘I came here to sa
y goodbye.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
SHE CLEARLY DIDN’T see it coming. Her lips part and her breath whooshes out. ‘Goodbye?’
I nod but it feels like a torment to agree to this. It was my idea, my choice, but witnessing her shock, her hurt, makes me want to chase all those words down and eat them back up. But I can’t. This is the right decision. For the first time since meeting Olivia, I’m going to do what’s right. ‘I’ve got an urgent case. I have to fly back tonight.’
‘A case,’ she mumbles, and her eyes slice through me. ‘Why you?’
‘Because it’s my job.’
‘But you have a partner. And loads of people who work for you. Why does it have to be you?’
‘The client’s asked for me personally.’
Her eyes are loaded with an emotion I hate seeing in her: disappointment. It slams into me like a tsunami as her comprehension dawns. ‘Because you’re the dragon-slayer. You can get anyone off, even the guiltiest of bastards.’
I clench my teeth together.
‘Is it another Donovan?’ she demands. ‘A murderer? A rapist? Who are you going to liberate with your brilliant mind and understanding of the law?’
‘I can’t discuss it,’ I say, my jaw tight.
‘Damn it, Connor, this is me!’ I don’t react. ‘At least tell me what the charge is.’
I turn away from her, staring out of the window. I see my car, and it’s a tether to my life—my real life. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say with conviction. ‘It’s someone accused of doing something bad. Isn’t it all a matter of degree after that?’
‘Something bad to who?’ she pushes, and my back straightens.
‘Does it matter?’
‘Someone like me?’ she demands and I feel it again. Some kind of visceral fury, violent and commanding. ‘Did this client—’ she spits the word ‘—hurt someone? Like Donovan hurt a girl just like me?’
I clench my jaw. If anyone ever hurt a hair on Olivia’s head...
‘Think about how you’d feel if you were the victim. The victim’s family.’
‘Damn it!’ The words are angry, heavy, dark. I shake my head, unable to look at her. ‘Stop complicating this. I’m a defence lawyer. This is what I do. Just drop it, for Christ’s sake.’
‘But you don’t want to,’ she says, refusing to let the subject go.
