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He knew he was missing something, that she was concealing something, but he wasn’t going to push it. Not now. She was too good at dissembling and dodging to maintain whatever ruse it was she’d created.
“In any event, my mother coped. And through it all, she was so cheerful with me. I realise now, as an adult, that it must have been very difficult for her to maintain a facade of happiness when life kept dealing her such terrible blows. She managed remarkably well. And then, I lost her.”
Cassandra could see the way he was shutting off from those emotions, because they were too painful to discuss. “My nanny was a little like that, I think.” Cass said, changing the subject to spare his feelings.
“Ah ha. So while your mother and father were being hands off, as their rank encourages, you were cared for by a nanny.” He chewed on that bit of information. Why hadn’t he expected it?
“Nanny Kline,” she said, grinning as she remembered the chubby woman who’d kissed her hurts better and taught her to bake. “Oh, she could put a positive spin on anything! She was a marvellous woman.”
“Was?” He probed gently.
Cassandra looked away. “We lost touch. Shortly before I left Hervey Manor, Alyssia let her go.”
Benedict laced his fingers through Cassandra’s. “You were nineteen years old. Rightly too old to still have a nanny,” he pointed out pragmatically.
“You don’t have to leap straight to her defence, Ben.” She snapped, pushing up into a sitting position, dragging the white sheet with her to cover her breasts.
“Hey, hey,” He whispered, touching his finger to her shoulder gently. “I’m not defending her just for the sake of it. You were too old to need a nanny.”
“She wasn’t just a nanny,” Cassandra huffed. “She was a second mother to me all my life, and then, she was like a mother to me. When dad sent me away to school, it was Nanny Kline that would come to visit, write me letters, send me gifts, tell me local gossip. They could have found another job for her. She’d worked for the family twenty years, and sacrificed so much along the way.”
Benedict tried to remember that there were always two sides to every story, but at that moment, he felt a rare surge of anger towards his cousin for being so insensitive.
“Cassandra, you need to speak with your father before he leaves. I believe there are circumstances that you’re not aware of. That might explain why he enrolled you in boarding school.”
She threw him a look that was burning with intensity. “Oh, I know just what circumstances he was thinking of. How inconvenient it would be to have a mournful, difficult teenager moping around the house when he was trying to kick things off with his new wife!” She poked her tongue out in disgust. “I would have cramped his style.”
“It sounds like you did plenty of that anyway.”
She stood then, pulling the sheet with her and wrapping it around herself.
“Stop thinking that you know everything about me! Whatever Alyssia has told you is because she has her own axe to grind. You must see that? It isn’t fair that you have this knowledge of me not based on what you know about me.”
“I don’t know what I know about you.” He responded tersely, dragging a hand through his hair. “I do know that you must stop playing the victim.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do!” She yelled, tears of anger and emotion springing to her eyes. “That’s why I ran away.” She sucked in a deep breath and made an effort to calm down. “You know, growing up as I did, amongst the nobility, wasn’t great. I know there are lots of kids out there, like you, who have it really tough. And maybe I should count my blessings. But being kept at an emotional distance by your parents for much of the time is soul destroying. I’m not denying that I ran off the rails after mum died. As a teenager, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of.” She was too distracted by her memories to see the look of respect that crossed his face.
“Such as?”
“Oh, I just got caught up in a bad crowd. Nothing sinister. Just very spoiled and entitled teenagers and I went along with it. The drinking, partying, everything. It wasn’t me. You know that’s anathema to me, but I was running away even then. Not geographically, but emotionally. I drank to numb the pain, and I partied because I thought then no one would notice how miserable and alone I was.” She shook her head. “It didn’t work. I hurt people, like my father and Alyssia, and so I did the only thing I could. I started a new life for myself.”
Benedict had to turn away or else he might have pulled her against him in a giant bear hug. He couldn’t afford to believe her. The way she put it made her actions seem so reasonable. She had been a terrified, distraught nineteen year old, and with no help whatsoever, she’d turned her life around spectacularly.
Stealing was something he would never condone, but she said herself what a bad headspace she had been in.
What if he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life? Letting her go because of stories his cousin had told, and deeds from years ago, suddenly seemed ridiculous.
He had to hold onto his reasons. He had to remember that this could also be a con. He had to obliterate thought from his brain so he didn’t do something stupid and beg her to marry him.
He crossed the room and lifted her easily, holding her to his chest. It was so unexpected that her lips parted into a round sign of surprise as he carried her back to the bed and plonked her onto the mattress.
“What are you doing!” She squawked, but a small smile was playing at the corners of her mouth.
“I can’t resist you when you’re all fired up and angry. It’s very cute.”
She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t going for cute.”
“I know. You can be indignant again later. But I want you, Lady Cassandra Hervey, and time is not on our side.”
