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‘You know, we haven’t talked about a nursery,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘That’s something you could help with.’
His whole face lit up. ‘Why had I not thought of this?’
Skye burst out laughing. ‘Uh-oh. Why do I feel like I’ve just made a very dangerous suggestion?’
‘You think three bedrooms will be enough?’
She shook her head. ‘One bedroom is definitely fine. And near mine.’
‘Ours,’ he said softly. He reached down and captured her hand. ‘I would like you to be in my room again, Skye.’
Danger lurked in the softly spoken statement. She made a small gesture of demur, knowing she could never concede that intimacy again. ‘Then we’ll both be waking up at all hours. Separate rooms are better.’ She tried to make the statement as light as possible, so that he wouldn’t know how her heart had thundered at the idea of surrendering all of herself to this marriage once again.
‘We’ll need a room for the nanny,’ he murmured, apparently still running a million miles an hour, planning for their baby in a whole new way now. One that Skye found, frankly, a tiny bit scary.
‘Hold up.’ She lifted a hand, pausing, turning to face him. ‘What nanny?’
‘You think we’ll need two? Perhaps a day nanny and a night nanny. How does this work?’
‘No, no, no. No nanny.’
Matteo’s expression showed confusion. ‘Skye, you don’t have to do this without help.’
‘You think I can’t do it?’
His sigh was exasperated. ‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘Because I’m going to be a great mother.’ She froze. ‘Aren’t I?’ Suddenly she was dizzy, hot and cold. She moved away from him, towards the wall of a building. She propped herself against it; panic pursued her. ‘Oh, God. What if I’m not?’ Her eyes were huge when they met his.
‘You are going to be an excellent mother,’ he said, moving closer, his large body framing hers.
‘But you don’t know that. I don’t know that. I didn’t... I never even knew my mother. I had a succession of stepmothers and wasn’t close to any of them. I have no idea what being a mother actually means. What if I’m terrible? What if I shout? What if I’m impatient? What if I don’t know the rules? Oh, God, Matteo. I’m not going to be any good at this.’
His face showed his confusion, and also a hint of amusement that she deeply resented.
‘This isn’t funny.’ She groaned. ‘I got so caught up in how much I’d love this baby that I never really thought about whether or not I’d be able to give our baby what it needs. What if I can’t?’
‘Skye?’
‘I have no clue what time babies should go to sleep. Or kids. What about when he’s older and he wants to watch a scary movie?’
‘Skye?’
‘And food? What do babies eat? What if I poison our child? What if I choke our child?’
‘How are you going to choke it?’ He stifled a laugh.
‘I don’t know! By feeding it caramel when it’s two months old. I don’t know!’
He dropped his mouth to hers, suffocating the words that were tumbling out of her on a wave of panic. It was a kiss of reassurance, a kiss of kindness. He kissed her and she responded, her body leaning towards his, her fingers splaying wide across his shirt. His legs, so strong and firm, stood on either side of her body, effectively imprisoning her against the wall.
‘We’re going to need a nanny,’ she said into his mouth, the certainty that she didn’t want to do this alone absolute in her mind.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I was wrong. We can get one later, if you feel it is necessary. If you want more freedom. Or if the baby isn’t sleeping and you need a rest. But I will be here. I will be holding your hand, just as you will be holding mine. This isn’t just your child, your responsibility. It’s mine too. We’re in it together.’
Slightly reassured, but still not convinced, she nodded. ‘Maybe we should just meet with a few agencies. Just in case.’
‘If you’d like,’ he shrugged. ‘Skye?’
