AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘How can you not see what you are to me? Why do you need me to define how I feel about you by the way other people feel? Nothing about what we are has ever been experienced before. Do you truly believe this is just love? Such an insipid, boring, common description for what I feel! I despise that word, as though saying it changes a damned thing! Love is a feeling that can be transient and cheap, that many claim to have felt. The word is thrown about like emotional confetti. That’s not what we are! No one has felt this! Ever! I have told another woman that I loved her, and yet I never felt for her what I do for you! It cheapens what we are, to use that same word. You are my everything. You are like a universe that lives in my chest. Is this what you need to hear?’
She stared at him and could scarcely breathe for the flood of feelings rioting inside of her. ‘You have never, not once, told me any of that. How can I believe you truly mean it? I’d be stupid to trust you again.’
‘Believe me, cara, I would have told you sooner if I had understood my own feelings.’ His face was pale, and she didn’t doubt the truth of what he was saying. ‘I did marry you for the hotel. I didn’t care about you, or what you wanted. Not at first. I can’t tell you when that changed. I only know that, now? Now you are all I care about.’ He shook his head angrily. ‘Dio, when you talked about a pre-emptive custody arrangement the other day, I felt like you were bludgeoning me. Even then, I didn’t understand why I should have such an irrational response to your very logical suggestion. But I see now, Skye. I have been so in love with you this whole damned time that the idea of losing you again was impossible. Impossible.’
He stared at her for a long moment. ‘The first time you left, I was so angry. I was angry because I didn’t want to feel anything else. And when you came back, you wanted a divorce, and I thought I should give it to you. I see now that I signed the papers out of shame and guilt, out of a wish to undo the pain I had caused you. Out of a need for you to be happy, because I loved you. Because I loved you with all my heart.’
Skye shook her head, instinctively railing against his version of events that didn’t fit with how she’d felt.
His voice became more urgent, as he felt her pulling away from him despite everything he was offering. ‘And we were given a baby. A reason to fight. To fight for what we have.’
‘But the baby is gone...’
‘Yes.’ Emotions passed over his face. ‘And we will grieve that loss for ever. For the rest of our lives. But we will grieve together, because we are meant to be so.’
Oh, but her heart. The heart he held, the heart he’d broken, the heart that was now ripped into tiny pieces, the heart that was empty. It rejected everything he said. It had learned, at last.
‘You were right,’ she whispered, pulling back, away from his touch, standing straight. ‘Love is a lie. It’s all a lie.’ She forced herself to meet his eyes. ‘I can’t stay.’
He squared his strong jaw, his eyes warring with hers, his natural tendency to overrule and dominate combated by his newly discovered need to comfort his wife. ‘This isn’t.’
She bit down on her lip. ‘There’s too much pain here.’
‘But so much good,’ he murmured.
‘Not enough.’ She blinked, stepping away from him. ‘I have wanted love all my life, and I fell in love with someone who doesn’t even know what it means.’
‘I told you...’
She swallowed, trying to make sense of her thoughts. ‘I know it wasn’t just about the hotel. And I know it wasn’t just about the baby.’ Her voice cracked on the single word, as her dreams and hopes sped away from her. ‘You don’t like losing, Matteo. And if I walk out that door, you’ve lost.’
‘I don’t care about losing. I care about losing you!’
The distinction was an important one, but Skye was becoming more convinced of what she needed to do with every painful moment that passed.
‘You’ve already lost me.’ She blinked, but tears still filled her eyes. ‘You lost me the day you proposed, knowing it was just for the hotel.’ She lifted a hand, her trembling fingers running over his cheek. ‘You lost me the day you stood in front of me and vowed to love me for the rest of your life, knowing you didn’t feel that way. You lost me all the times you’ve told me that all we have is sex. You lost me a long time ago. I’m just making it official now.’ She pulled away from him, her heart no longer breaking. It simply ceased to exist. ‘I have to go.’
There was disbelief and desperation etched on his face. ‘Give me a chance. Another week...’
‘You need to understand, Matteo.’ The words echoed with the strength of her intent. ‘I don’t want to give you a chance. I don’t want you to change my mind. I don’t ever want to trust you not to hurt me, because I know that you will. You’re incapable of love, and love is all I really want.’ She cleared her throat and rallied her emotions as best she could. ‘I’d appreciate it if you’d pass my best onto Melania. Explain that I couldn’t stay.’
Matteo’s skin was pale beneath his tan. ‘Skye, I do love you. With all that I am...’
Her eyes were defiant but her voice was soft. Gentle. ‘It’s okay. No more lies. You can let me go. Let’s both pretend this never happened.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SKYE STARED AT the flowers. She admired the lilies with their pristine white petals. He says you are very soft. Like a petal.
Instinctively, she looked away. Towards the daffodils with their bright-yellow colour so like the sunlight of Venice. Her heart lurched and her eyes skidded onwards.
‘What’ll it be, miss?’
She blinked at the man standing like a flower-worshipping troll deep in the cave of his floristry van and tried to smile. She suspected it came off as more of a wince, as most of her smiles had done for a while.
Her eyes dropped back to the collection of blooms.
