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She could cut back at work and spend proper time with Lexi, giving her the stability she deserved. She could finally buy some of the things they so desperately needed. Maybe even afford a little holiday somewhere. Lexi could have new shoes! Her first pair of new shoes, rather than the hand-me-downs and church charity shop pairs she’d made do with. A dress, like the one she’d seen in the store last week.
And all it would take was prostitution.
Her cheeks flashed with hot anger.
No way could Sarah sleep with a man – even this man! – so Lexi could have a new dress. How absurd!
Only it wasn’t about a dress, or shoes, or even a holiday. For four years, she’d been running like a hamster on a wheel, trying her hardest to get her head above water. Bill after bill had knocked her back under. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d woken up without her credit card statement swimming before her eyes.
A hundred thousand dollars? It was completely life-changing. It was an oasis of hope right in front of her, singing, taunting, flirting, promising a new life.
But at what cost?
“How can you even suggest this?” It was a soft, desperate request.
“Because I want you.” And his answer was every bit as decisive as her question had been uncertain.
She spun to face him, her hand slashing the air. “That’s not good enough. That’s not enough.”
That muscle twitched in his cheek again.
“I want you to the point of misery. I wasn’t lying; you are a fever in my blood. I left you and I thought … I thought I would forget you. I thought I would get over you. But here we are…”
She drew in a deep, unsteady breath. “We’re nowhere.”
“We’re both in hell, aren’t we?” He challenged softly.
“Why did you leave me?” The question, the deep, burning question that had ached inside of her like a deepening wound. “I mean, I suppose I can guess, but I want to hear you say it.”
“You were an aberration,” he said after a small pause.
“Gee, thanks.”
He held up a hand to silence her. “When she died –,”
Sarah didn’t need to ask for clarification. She remembered the gash that his mother’s death had left in his heart.
“I lost my mind. I should never have been with you.”
Sarah’s ache was spreading. “Seriously, keep talking. This whole thing is really great for my self-esteem.”
“It was a rare moment for me. I lost control. I shouldn’t have.”
“Oh my God, Syed. I swear, you are not saying a single thing I want to hear.”
His eyes, already inky, darkened to jet black. “The whole time we were together, I knew it was wrong. I knew I would have to leave you.”
Tears ran down her cheeks. “You should have had the guts to tell me that. You ran away.”
He had run away, she was right. For the very simple reason that he hadn’t been strong enough to look into her face and hurt her. So he’d stabbed her from behind, leaving a cowardly note and disappearing like a thief in the night.
Shame prickled along his skin at the wrongs he’d inflicted on this woman. That he continued to inflict. Apparently, where Sarah Smith was concerned, Syed had no restraint and no judgement.
“And now I’m back.”
“For one night?” She demanded angrily, rightfully offended. “To get me out of your system?”
“Do you want more, Sarah? Do you want a life with me?”
