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“I don’t know, I wish I fucking knew. The only thing I know is I’m confused right now,” I say with my voice a bit raised.
He sits quietly for a few minutes, and I wish he’d hurry the fuck up because I’m getting restless waiting on his reply.
Rubbing his hands on his jeans, he locks his green eyes with mine. “What are you confused about?” His voice is low and deep, very sexy.
“If I knew that it wouldn’t be a problem, would it?” I close my eyes and shake my head. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get all pissy with you. I just need to take some time to think.”
“It’s alright. Why don’t you go take a walk on the beach, clear your head? I’m headed to the gym, and I’ll grab pizza for dinner,” he says and gets up kissing my cheek. “You’ll figure it out.”
I hope he’s right because something needs to give here.
Taking his advice, I drive down to the beach and take a walk along the shore. It’s crowded being that it’s beautiful out, and I’m grateful because there is so much to look at. At the same time, I’m not trying to figure things out, which is the point. I sit down in the sand and look out at the water, and without thinking twice I pull out my phone and dial.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mom. Can I stop over to talk?” I ask, sounding like a teenager in trouble.
“That is something you never need to ask. Your father and I will be dressed before you get here,” she says and hangs up.
Fuck, what am I doing? This is just going to turn into her saying the opposite of what I want to hear. Nonetheless, I get into my car and make the short drive to their house. I park and look up at the house for a minute before getting the courage to get out.
Walking inside, I find my mom sitting at the table with a cup of coffee for us both. She smiles and nods for me to sit. “I sent your father to the garage. What’s up? Is everything alright?”
“I don’t know,” I sigh. I tell her everything that happened last night and how it went when I talked to Henry this morning. She doesn’t interrupt, she just lets me get it all out. “So, I’m not sure what is holding me back.”
She nods her head and tucks her blonde hair behind her ears. “Have you and Henry had sex yet?”
Here we go. “No.”
“Why?” she asks, searching my eyes.
“I don’t know, Mom. I just wanted to take things slow I guess,” I say, holding tightly onto my coffee cup.
“Taking things slow is fine, but what you need to figure out is why you want them to go slow. I mean you’ve slept with guys on the first date, so what makes this different?” she asks, raising her eyebrows.
I rub my temples and blow out a breath. “If I knew that I wouldn’t be here.”
She laughs and reaches across to rest her hand on mine. “I can’t answer that for you. That’s something you need to figure out. If it’s because you aren’t attracted to him, no need to be with him because that’s not something that will change.”
“That’s not it, I’m attracted to him.”
“Well, why do you think you aren’t ready to sleep with him? Think about it, don’t just rush out with ‘I don’t know’. Think about what it is that is holding you back, what it is that might be scaring you,” she says with a grin.
She’s right. I know what my problem is, I just don’t want to admit it to anymore, especially her. Hell, I don’t want to admit it to myself.
“Thanks, Mom,” I say, smiling.
“I’m always here for you. Now, how did you like that new dildo? It made you see stars, didn’t it?”
And she’s back.
“Honestly, I haven’t used it.”
“Oh sweetie, that’s part of your problem. You have too much sexual buildup. You can’t possibly think straight like that. Go home, have yourself a good orgasm, and it will all become clear,” she says nodding in agreement with herself. “Take your dad and I for example…”
“No thanks, please I don’t need an example,” I yell.
“Silly girl, I’m just trying to say that neither of us can function well until we’ve had sex or made each other come in other ways.”
