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I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss her head. Since Gloria was killed, Nora has stepped up to being the mother to us all. Even though she’s only like ten years older than I am. She means well, they all do. I just don’t want it.
“I’m fine, Nora. Don’t waste your time worrying about me.”
“You’ll find someone else,” she says.
I laugh as I finish off my beer. “Never.”
I mean that more than I mean anything else. I will never love another woman. I’ll never try. The only thing I hope is that she does find someone else to love.
She deserves to love.
I deserve to suffer.
Chapter 2
Gillian
* * *
“Thanks for a nice lunch,” I say, unlocking my door. I step inside and block the opening so he can’t follow.
He grins looking me up and down. “You gonna invite me in?”
“No, I have things to do,” I lie.
“Oh yeah okay. I’ll call you.”
I close the door in his face and rest my head against it. “Ugh!”
I thought online dating was a great idea. I figured it was the path to at least some fun. I was so fucking wrong. I’ve been on several dates and every single one has been horrible. They are either not my type, too excited to start a future, or like today, still living with their mother.
I take a quick shower to get the nasty date off me and get dressed in black shorts and a white tank top. I pull my wet hair up into a knot on top of my head and go into the living room. I blow out a breath as I plop down on the couch. I should’ve known something was strange about this guy when he wanted to have a lunch date at noon on a Saturday. He told me at lunch that it’s easier since his mom likes him home for dinner.
I get grossed out all over and shake with disgust. No more online dating. This is it. I’m not looking for anything serious anyway. My heart is still crumbling in my chest. Walking away from Riley was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
When we first got together, I never expected things to turn into a relationship. He captivated me from the second I saw him. He gave off a bad boy vibe. But when he fucked me against the wall with his hands around my throat the first time, I knew I wanted that to continue. I wanted to see the limits he would push and how much I could endure. Fuck, did we push the limits. He’s twenty years my senior but you’d never know from his stamina. I will never find someone that fucks like that again.
It wasn’t just the sex though. He let me in when he said no one ever got in. He trusted me, talked to me, respected me. He treated me better than anyone ever has. He made me fall in love and I regret every second of it.
It would’ve been easier if he cheated or was just finished with me. I wouldn’t stay up at night crying at the loss of Rachel and Riley. She’s dead and he might as well be. He destroyed me twice.
My sister was fucked up, I’m not denying that. She did some really messed up things and hurt a lot of people. She was so hell bent on being a part of an MC, she didn’t even care which one after a while. She should’ve stayed with Kace. She wouldn’t have gone down the dark path she did. But she figured he was going to die and didn’t want to waste her time. It’s fucked up, but that’s what changed her. She wanted to be an old lady and nothing was stopping her. When she got together with Damon, it went from bad to fucking intolerable. She was involved in things I don’t even want to know about. Unfortunately, I do know that she helped torture Ivy and it makes me sick to my stomach. That’s not the girl I grew up with. That’s not how we were raised. If my parents were alive they would’ve killed her long before she was killed.
With all that though, she was still my sister. Still my flesh and blood. The only one left. I’m alone now and that is all on Shattered Souls. Riley didn’t pull the trigger, but he may as well have. But I’m moving on because forgiveness isn’t something I can find.
I moved from the little house I shared with Rachel and got myself a condo. It’s perfect for me. It’s not big, easy to keep clean, and I don’t need to do any yard work. I contemplated dying my hair, but I actually like my black hair, so I cut a few inches off. It may not be dramatic to a lot of people, but for me it is. It hangs just below my shoulders now and I love it.
I went to college for web development, so I’m extremely lucky to have gotten a job in IT at one of the local companies. I’m making great money and I’ve decorated this new condo to reflect myself. It’s all black and red.
My phone pings and I check it. I laugh when I see it’s from the dating site. I delete the message and toss my phone. No more.
I was considering going out to the bar tonight, see if I could get into a little fun. After the horrible lunch I just had, I think I owe it to myself. It’s been so long since I’ve go
ne out alone. I believe it might be just what I need.
I already showered, so I decide to spend my time looking through my closet to find something to wear. I dig deep in my closet and pull out my favorite pair of ripped jeans and my red sleeveless shirt.
“You look fucking hot, baby girl,” Riley says.
