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“London, this is all new to me. I don’t do relationships. I don’t let my heart get involved, but with you, I did. This is real, and I’m terrified of something happening to you because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t make it out alive. I know this is new, but I’ve been yours since New York, whether you knew it or not. So, just bear with me. Let me get the hang of this relationship thing.” I rest my head on her chest in total shock I admitted all that out loud.
“Hey, I get it. I’m terrified of this too. I’m scared that it won’t work, that you’ll find someone else, that things will come between us. I don’t normally let people in, and I let you in. That may not seem like a big deal to most people, but to me it’s huge. Not only did I let you in, but I feel safe with you. That is actually bigger than letting people in. So, how about we both let each other get the hang of it? It’s something new to both of us.”
I hold on tighter and wish she would tell me why she’s always so scared and shuts people out. I know she’s holding back, but right now is not the time. We both need to get the hang of this, and she needs to trust me.
I lift my head and she smiles at me. “I think we make one hell of a power couple. Sexy author and hot model, the world will want to be us,” I say. She bursts out laughing, and it was just the thing we needed to lift the serious feel. “All right, I’ll put my club away and take my caveman ass home.” She stands up and we both laugh.
“Hey, I kind of like the caveman. Don’t lose him altogether.” I lift her up and she wraps her legs around me. She kisses me as if this is the last time we’ll see each other. When I break the kiss, I squeeze her ass and smile.
“I’m not going to war, sexy, I’m just going to the gym.” She laughs and I put her down. “Although, I’m not complaining. That was one hell of a goodbye kiss.”
She shakes her head and stares at me, completely serious. “It’s not goodbye, Blake, it’s see you soon.”
My girl had her heart broken. I can feel it. Someone did her wrong, and she’s afraid of losing everyone. “I’m not going anywhere, I already told you that. I won’t make you talk about something you don’t want to talk about, but I wish you’d tell me what he did to you.”
She takes a step back, her eyes wide in complete shock. “I really need to get writing. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
I blow out a breath and kiss her cheek before making my way to the door. She needs to trust me more, and I have to accept that. “Until next time, London,” I yell through the house as I let myself out. She doesn’t come to the door until I start my truck, and when she does, she holds her hand against the glass, so I do the same on my truck window. She closes the door and I pull away.
I go home before I hit the gym since I need to change. The whole way there, I keep thinking of how she reacted when I said that. I need to figure out how to get her to trust me, and I might need to talk to Jax. He got Kallie to finally trust him, and I could use a bit of advice. Luckily, when I pull up, he’s still home. I go inside and then check for him out back. I take my cigarettes with me and find him sitting there with Kallie on his lap. Damn it, I don’t know if I want to talk about this with her here, but maybe she can give me a woman’s point of view.
I sit down and they look over at me. “Well, I guess you had a good night. You know, since the house isn’t sound proof and all,” Jax says. I just grin as I light a smoke.
“Jax, don’t give him a hard time. He’s finally into one woman, at least for now,” Kallie comments.
I turn my head to her, clearly pissed. “She’s not just a woman for now, she’s it for me. Don’t ever fucking question that again.”
She stares at me with wide eyes, and Jax reaches over and grabs the collar of my shirt.
“Don’t ever talk to her like that again, or you’ll have my foot so far up your ass, you won’t be able to sit again. Got it?”
I push his hand off me, but I can’t be pissed at him because he’s totally right to be defending Kallie like that.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Kallie. I didn’t mean to snap at you. This whole fucking thing is new to me, and I don’t know if it’s too soon to say shit like that or what I should be doing.” I say, pushing my hands through my hair.
She reaches over and squeezes my arm. “Blake, that was probably one of the most honest things you’ve ever said to me. Of course, I accept your apology, and as for if it’s too soon, not if that’s how you feel. If you love her—”
I hold up a hand and laugh. “Whoa, no one said anything about love. I’m not there. I just feel a connection to her, I care a lot about her, and I feel an overwhelmingly strong urge to want to protect her, but love…not yet.” She and Jax look at each other and smile.
“Okay, so you don’t love her yet. Everything you just said, that’s how it starts. Don’t be afraid to tell her that. She more than likely feels the same way but is scared to say it,” she says, smiling.
I put out my cigarette and figure I might as well keep going. “Here goes nothing. I just told you how I feel, and I told her the same thing. She told me she doesn’t let people in normally and that it was huge she let me in.” They both nod, as if they already knew. “Then she told me I make her feel safe and that was bigger than her letting me in. It makes me feel like she had her heart broken, so I said I wish she’d just tell me what he did, and she almost got offended. She told me she had writing to do and she’d call me later. I feel like she needs to trust me. How do I get her to trust me?” Kallie gives me an almost sad smile and, Jax gives me a grin that says I’m on my own. “How did you get Kallie to trust you?”
“Brother, listen. Every woman is different. What worked for Kallie may not, and probably won’t, work for London. Everyone has a past. She probably did get her heart broken. Most people have.” I give him a smug smile and he laughs. “Muts don’t get their hearts broken, they give out the broken hearts.” Shit, I’ve really been an asshole if I made even one woman scared like London.
“Blake, the only way to get London to trust you is time. You need to prove that you aren’t going anywhere, that you aren’t going to lie to her, and that you are faithful to her. Most women have either been cheated on, dumped, or lied to. The longer you’re with her, the more she’ll trust you. Trust is a very fragile thing. You can’t take it for granted. Look at us. We both leave for days at a time. He’s with beautiful models. I’m with sexy male models. We need to trust that our love is strong enough to deal with that. I trust Jax with my whole heart, and I know he trusts me the same. That’s where you need to be, but it’s earned, Blake, it?
?s not just handed out,” she explains.
I stand up and bend over to hug her. She’s caught off guard, but I need to prove to her as well that I’m a good guy. I just like to be the funny prick.
“Thanks, Kallie. You are one smart woman. Now, if either of you tell anyone about this conversation, I have no problem burying you alive.” I leave them laughing as I go inside to change for the gym.
***
It’s been a few days since my talk with Jax and Kallie, and I’ve taken their advice. I’ve just been taking each day as it comes, letting London know I’m not going anywhere and that I’m not out to hurt her. We’ve had many late-night phone calls that have us laughing, talking, and giving as much of ourselves as we can. It seems to be easier for me, but as I admitted to Jax, I’ve never had my heart broken, so I’m more trusting. I think that after a few months she’ll see I’m genuine and not out to break her heart.
I just got home from work and I have a shoot. It’s with a new photographer and I’m excited. She’s new, but her photos are amazing. Each one is different and I really love that. We’re going to do a shoot on the beach, and I’m glad it’s close, because after it’s finished, I’m going to London’s for dinner.
