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“Hey Brooke, the usual?” the barista asks.
“No, not the usual. I want an egg sandwich and an iced coffee. By the way, my name is Brooklyn,” I say and move to the side.
This month since I’ve been home has been miserable. I don’t think I’ve smiled once. Hank and I do nothing but fight, and that’s because all I’ve done is try to change him. I’m trying to turn him into someone he isn’t, someone that I want him to be. That’s not fair to him or to me. I’ve been hoping the girls from work ask to go out, but they haven’t. They just want to know what it was like to hang out with Renegade and every time they bring up Fitz, I die a little more.
I haven’t talked to Poppy since I texted her to tell her I made it home safely. I’m sure she is just as disgusted with me as Fitz is. As much as I’m disgusted with myself. The guilt I feel from walking away from him is something I’m not sure will ever go away. The only thing I can do is try to avoid talking about my trip.
“Brooklyn,” the barista says and I grab my breakfast thanking her.
Once I get to work, I sit down at my desk and instead of going over emails like I normally would, I do something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I go onto the Renegade fan page and look to see when they will be here. I don’t look at any pictures or read anything, I go right to the tour schedule. I look to see when they will be in this area and close the site. I blink back tears knowing they will be here in two weeks.
“Hey Brooke, you want to go out tonight and get a few drinks?” Cora, one of the tellers asks.
“Please, call me Brooklyn and yes, you know what I would love that,” I say.
The look of shock on her face is priceless and if I had it in me to laugh I would. I just give her a forced grin and she returns it with a huge smile.
“Okay great. We are going to leave from here, grab some food and then to go to the bar. You can follow or hop in with us,” she says, leaning against the door frame.
“I’ll follow. Thanks Sara,” I say and she walks away still smiling.
Ever since I got home I just feel this need to do something. The routine no longer works for me. I don’t want to do the same thing day in and day out. I want to have fun and that is not how it’s been. Speaking of not having fun, I pick up the phone to call Hank. Might as well get it over with.
“Hello?” he answers and I hear him typing away.
“Hey it’s me. I just wanted to let you know I’m going out after work with the girls,” I say and sip my iced coffee.
He’s quiet for a minute and then he clears his throat. “Brooke, you go out and do whatever it is you need to do. Tomorrow we need to talk,” he says.
I know exactly what it is we need to talk about, this relationship. It’s not working anymore. New York changed me, Fitz changed me. I’m no longer the girl who wants the routine life, I’m the girl who wants to go out and have fun. Laugh with friends, get drunk and have crazy hot sex. Hank can’t and won’t do any of those things. I tried several times since I’ve been back to get him to just let loose and make me feel sexy. I’ve worn my new panties and he was disgusted by it. I bought new lingerie and he told me I looked trampy. I did my hair and makeup and he said I looked like I belonged on the corner. He’s not once touched me, not once told me I look beautiful or sexy or hell even nice. I need more and Hank is not it.
“We definitely need to talk. I won’t be home until late, so maybe it’s best if you just go to your place tonight,” I say, not even feeling bad.
“I packed my things this morning,” he says and I shake my head. Of course you did.
“Alright, well I’ll call you when I get up tomorrow and maybe we can meet for breakfast.” I toss my empty coffee cup in the garbage and lean back in my chair.
“That doesn’t work. I’ll stop by on my way to the gym,” he says with no emotion at all.
“Okay, bye.” I hang up and don’t even wait for him to say anything.
I’m just done at this point. Change is scary, bu
t if I learned anything in New York, it’s that I’m capable of a hell of a lot more than I give myself credit for. I mean shit, I ran from the paparazzi, put myself in multiple sexual situations and never once had the same schedule. That week was by far the best week of my life and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it every single day. My thoughts always go back to the nervous girl I was stepping off the plane to the heart broken one that got back on. So much happened in a week and sure I didn’t deal with it well, but I’d go back and do it all again in a heartbeat. I try to just think of how much that trip changed me, turned me from a naïve girl to a brave woman, because if I think of Fitz and how I fell for him, I’ll never be able to move on.
For the next few hours I keep myself busy with work and when the bank closes, I am so thankful. I no longer like being here. Like so many people, I just do it for the money, but a month and a half ago I thought I loved it. I’m so damn confused about everything now, I hardly know which end is up.
“Brooklyn, we’re all proved out. Easy night. Must be a sign to get our drink on early,” Jessica says, laughing as she flips her red hair.
I wish I could laugh with her, but I’m not ready yet. “Must be.” I look around to make sure everything is off and locked. “Alright, let’s get the hell out of here,” I say and we all leave.
I follow Cora, Jessica and Sam, who drove in one car, to a small diner. We get out and head inside, picking a red booth in the back. I pick up my menu, which is hard to see in the dim light of this fifties themed diner.
“Brooklyn, what made you finally decide to come out with us?” Sam asks.
I put my menu down and look at them. They are all staring at me, waiting for some kind of incredible story or something. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just looking for a change,” I say and pick my menu back up. Not so much to look for what I want, but to hide behind it.
“Is there something going on with you and Hank?” Cora asks and I sigh, putting my menu down again.
