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CHAPTER FOUR
Roger
I don’t believe I can think of a single little girl I know who is as thrilled with being a little girl as Chrissy is. She is very affectionate and very… What is the word?
Girly.
That’s it.
She loves being girly. She loves when I order food for her and make decisions about what we’ll do or where we’ll go. She loves when I buy her coloring books or stuffed animals and she loves playdates.
The other side is a bit of a rude awakening for her. She isn’t used to being held accountable for anything at all. Part of this, of course, is because she only now has someone to help her be accountable to making progress toward her goals and her dreams. It is a sea change in lifestyle, though, a completely different way to look at life and an utterly new way to consider what she should or shouldn’t do. It has been a very interesting and rewarding process.
After five months, I see tremendous progress even though the only times she seems like she enjoys being a little girl less are times when discipline is involved. She hasn’t been spanked yet, although that’s part of our agreement. Typically, she won’t be allowed to color or play with her stuffed animals for a day if she doesn’t live up to her goals.
I think she is getting discouraged and I worry about that. In this relationship, like all of those in my past, I check in every few days to make sure the dynamic works for the little girl. She always says it does but I worry about what I see in her eyes. So, I know I will need to talk to her about it, and that makes for a little bit of trepidation as I get to the house.
She lives with me now.
Maybe she lives with me sooner than she should. Maybe that is part of what makes the changes hard on her. I’m not sure. I know, though, that I can’t imagine life without this little girl. I also know I can’t let her be hurt. I’m willing to move things at a slower pace if that’s what it takes to keep her safe, happy and secure. I stand in front of the door for a second, take a breath, and resolve to deal with it the right way and right now.
“Daddy!” she shouts as the door opens and she runs to me from where she has coloring books open on the coffee table. “Daddy! Daddy! I got promoted!” She leaps into my arms and I almost drop my briefcase to catch her. I hold her up with one arm and set my briefcase down while she kisses me all over my face. “Daddy! I got promoted Daddy!”
“That’s my girl!” I say with a laugh. I carry her to the couch, set her down and say, “Tell me all about it.”
She’s beaming and she says, “I got promoted because of you, Daddy!” She looks away for a second and a guilty expression flashes over her face briefly. “Um… I don’t know if you know, Daddy but sometimes I…” She giggles nervously. “Sometimes I just don’t want to be a little girl except for playing and for you treating me like a princess.”
I don’t expect that from her. “Go on, little girl,” I say.
“But I think it’s like when I see my niece. I only see her every few months or so, and she always looks like she’s grown a lot. My sister doesn’t see it because she’s right there and she grows just a little every day. I see the big changes and so I always see what a big change there is.”
“Okay…” I still don’t follow.
She says, “Daddy! What I mean is, I don’t like you telling me what to do and I don’t like when you give me jobs to make myself better at something. I don’t like it but I do it. But now, today, I got promoted. I got promoted and I’m the head server now, assistant front of house manager, and that’s because I’ve been doing the things you’ve suggested!”
“You think so?”
“I know so!” she squeals. “Plus, it makes me look at the rest of my life and I can see where I’m more successful in a lot of ways. Daddy, I can’t believe how incredible it is to have you. I mean, I can’t believe how much I’m growing, how confident I am and how much easier it is for me to take on a challenge! I might not be able to act all giggly about you correcting my behavior or telling me things to work on but Daddy, don’t you ever stop!”
With that, she leaps on my lap and starts kissing all over my face while she giggles and sings, “I got promoted. I got promoted. I got promoted.” She pulls back and smiles. “Know what else?”
I’m having such a great time. I smile and kiss her nose. “Tell me, pumpkin pie.”
She claps her hands. “Pumpkin pie! I love it!”
“Tell me, princess.”
“I like princess, too,” she says. She’s practically bouncing. “So the something else is I almost didn’t accept the promotion because I was afraid to be Vanessa’s boss because I can’t lose my best friend and guess what I did?”
“What did you do?”
“I used my words, Daddy!” she squeals. “I remembered all the times you made me ask questions even when it was hard and I asked if I could be promoted but not be Vanessa’s boss and it turns out I wouldn’t be her boss anyway because she’s in the kitchen. Can you believe that? If I hadn’t used my words just like you make me I might not have taken the job!”
She’s buzzing and happy as can be and I love to see her like that. Of course, I also love that the whole situation about the serious aspects of our dynamic has miraculously worked itself out. I like that a lot because I often tell Chrissy one of the keys to being happy is not believing you have to fix everything or control everything. Ironically, that was exactly what I intended to do until Chrissy worked it all out herself.
“Little girl,” I say, “I think tonight needs a celebration and you deserve ice cream!”
She giggles and kisses me all over my face again. “I’ll get ready Daddy!” she shouts as she leaps from my lap. Then, she spreads her arms and strikes a pose. “Ta-dah! I’m ready!”
I laugh and say, “What am I going to do with you, little girl?”
She blushes and asks, “You mean after we have ice cream? I can think of a few things, Daddy.”
Me, too. I can think of a great many things to do when we get back.
