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Maddox
The room was toofull of people. There were shifters in every corner. I tried to keep an eye on them all, but it seemed impossible with how many people were present. The formalities of this were a waste of time. Everyone treated it like a rite of passage when I considered it a business partnership—at best.
Ryder’s house sat outside of the city, where rural nature butted up against the urban sprawl. Trees surrounded the one-story ranch house, keeping it obscured from view. We gathered behind it like this was a typical cookout. There was even a smoker burning off to the side. It fille the air with the aroma of juicy meat.
I caught Addie’s attention. We should have been back at the quarry, looking for clues. Her lips twisted with acknowledgement. There was a bitter resignation burning the back of my throat. I couldn’t get out of this now, even if I wanted to.
For one thing, my beast leapt with palpable excitement. The damn wolf bounced up and down like a dog that had heard thew-a-l-kword. If my wolf thought I would play fetch, then it was wrong.
The pledge itself was easy. I bent the knee in front of Ryder and said the right words, even if my heart wasn’t in them. The man could tell. He extended his hand to help me up and held onto mine for a heartbeat too long as if the touch could create a bond where words had failed.
I let him have his way, though he wasn’t going to get anything out of it. This was all a means to an end. If this kept the man from hunting me down while I was busy, then so be it. Life had become complicated, but I wasn’t above doing what needed to be done in order to keep working.
After the pledge, Addie found me. She gave me a scrutinizing look and said:
“You shut down.”
Taken aback, I shook my head. “Excuse me?”
She poked me in the chest with her finger. A wave of her arcana rushed through me. I swallowed it down like water on a hot day.
“You’re going through the motions, but you’re not feeling anything right now. What gives?” Her lips formed a soft, questioning pout as she looked up at me.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. This parade meant nothing to me. I wasn’t going to stick around and become a part of thisfamily. There were other things that needed my attention. The pack functioned perfectly well without me.
Addie flattened her hand to my chest. The warmth from her touch spread across my chest, much to my surprise. Startled, I glanced down at her hand.
“You can’t live alone forever,” she said softly.
I shoved her hand away. The last time I tried to live with someone else, I’d disappointed them until they broke my heart. I didn’t have it in me to do that all over again. It was frustrating that I’d fallen for Addie. I wouldn’t let this pack have my heart, too.
Movement drew my attention back to the party. Ryder laughed with his brother, Morgan. The younger brother shook his head at whatever Ryder had said. Vi laughed and gave her boyfriend a soft punch in the shoulder.
“Not you, too,” Morgan said, defeated.
They had a chemistry that I couldn’t access. It belonged to them, and I would never find the formula that would allow me to interact with them.
“I’m not alone,” I muttered into my cup when I lifted it to my lips.
Addie crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not going to be here forever.”
The words were a kick to the groin. I nearly spit out my drink. Of course, she’d said it before, but I’d shoved the truth out of my mind, so I could ignore it a while longer.
Apparently, Reapers didn’t have long lives. Their fate threads were cut short because they had duties in the afterlife. No one knew what those duties were, but it seemed that they were inescapable. Even Bastien had been claimed by them after all he’d done to escape.
My beast moved my hand, taking hers and squeezing it tight. “You’re not going anywhere.”
It wasn’t a promise. It was a fact.
I wasn’t going to let anyone take her. My wolf needed her, even if I didn’t. If she…if she….I couldn’t bring myself to even think the word. It hurt too much, like a nail in my heart.
Not even Paige’s death had pained me this much. Losing my ex-wife had hurt, but not like this. The thought of losing Addie left me hollow. At first, I thought it was because I needed her arcana like I needed air.
The longer I sat with the thought, the longer I held her hand, the more I realized it washerthat I needed. I heard her laughter as she watched Ness and Vi tease their partners. The soft smile that curled across Addie’s face betrayed her jealousy.
I couldn’t be that for her, though. As much as I loved her, I couldn’t give her what she needed. I wasn’t a man made to be loved. While I could give love, it was never enough. It was never the right way.
For a moment, I allowed myself to entertain the thought. I imagined what it would be like to see her every day. If I could wake to her pink pout on the pillow beside me every morning, then maybe I could be a happy man.
