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I’msofuckingsick and tired of understanding shit.
I understand why we have to wait. I understand why Steve had to beat my brother within an inch of his life, and I understand why Kas and I had to wait to be reunited with Alec. I’m so fucking understanding I could win the Olympic games if there was a category for world-class understanding.
No more, I vow to myself.
If we come out of this alive, I’ll become more demanding. Not unreasonably so, just enough that people don’t look to me to keep the peace. Wanting me to be the one who eats his emotions so others can let theirs out.
Not only am I done with this shit, I’m not loathing my calm tone and facial expression. On the outside, I’m the picture of calm—like I’m fine with just sitting here. On the inside, however, I’m so close to exploding I’m surprised I haven’t yet.
I watched Kas lose it, and I listened to Alec bitch and complain. They have a right to, but so do I. I’ve fucking earned it as much as they have, yet I can’t let it show. I know I need to remain calm because if I let go of my tight hold on myself, they won’t be able to hold theirs in either.
Fuck, I hate this ‘for the sake of mankind’ bullshit. Even so, it’s true.
“I can’t take this much more. Can’t we just go?” Kas asks for the tenth time. When Alec agrees, as he’s done every time, I can’t keep my sigh in.
“Guys—” No, fuck it. “Sure, let’s go,” I say, clearly shocking them both. They turn their heads simultaneously, looking at me like they can’t believe I just said that. Honestly, I can’t either. “I mean, what’s the point of us sitting here? Sure, waiting for the opportune time could save Mia’s life, maybe even ours. But what’s a life versus the discomfort of waiting? You guys are right. Let’s just storm the place and hope for the best.” I’m almost yelling, but I don’t have it in me to keep the peace any longer. I can’t fucking do it.
Why can’t they see this is hurting me as much as it is them?
“Sorry, CJ,” Kas breathes. “We’ll wait. Of course, we will. It’s just—”
“Hard!” Alec finishes Kas’ sentence, both of them looking at me with concern in their eyes.
Okay, maybe they can see just how much I don’t have control right now.
“Tell us a joke, Kas,” Alec demands, sounding worse than he did when we first got to him—he looks worse, too.
I know there’s no way Alec will be willing to hang back, just like I won’t ask him to. I think we all know he should, though. He can barely stand. His skin has a grayish hue to it, and some of his cuts are still bleeding. If it comes to a fight, I don’t think he’ll be able to hold his own, and that scares me.
We don’t need to say it out loud to know that getting Mia back won’t be as easy as just crashing the wedding, calmly walking up the aisle, and taking her hand. While I have no idea what’s in store for us, it won’t be pretty.
I’m internally arguing with myself, trying to decide if it would be better to somehow get Alec to safety when the door opens. We all stiffen, Kas and me moving in front of our wounded brother.
“Oh, it’s just you!” Kas sounds more annoyed than relieved when Lila enters the room.
Fuck me, it’s still a shock to see her like this.
“Steve can’t get away, but it’s time to make a move.” As she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, unable to stand still, I feel uneasy.
Before Steve left for the last time two hours ago, he made us promise not to leave the room unless he came for us. However, he was also the one who brought Lila in the middle of the night, assuring us they were working together.
Lila spent about an hour with us, filling us in on what’s happened to her. Apparently, Luis took her almost as soon as Kas and Mia left her house. She told us she didn’t know he was there while Mia and Kas visited, but that she figured it out when our girl mentioned hearing a phone ringing.
While Lila’s many injuries, and the maiming done to her body, are proof she’s disobeyed Luis, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to the story. I’ve had enough pets to know that everyone has a breaking point. Everyone. And Lila has never struck me as a strong person. She’s always seemed cunning and sly to me. But how can I really tell? Unlike Kas, I’ve never spent much time with the woman. A quick glance at him tells me he believes her, so that has to be good enough for me.
“Alright, let’s get going then!” I say, moving off the bed.
As Alec slowly stands up, he asks, “Have you seen Baby? Is she okay?”
“No, I’m sorry, Alec. I haven’t seen her at all. I’ve been busy in the kitchen.”
Walking over to the window, Lila reaches for something inside the plastic bag she’s wearing.
The fuck? Does that thing have pockets?
“Kas, don’t forget the bag in the bathroom,” Lila says before she pulls something small out from the black plastic covering her body.
Kas sprints into the bathroom, and as soon as he’s back, I see what Lila is hiding in her hand.
