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Chapter 11 – Aidro
I paced my room, unable to shake the ache in my chest. Himari hadn’t spoken to me in three days, not even to annoy me about some biology crap she’d discovered, and not having that contact with her was making my skin feel like it was crawling with insects. No matter how many times I reminded myself that I was doing the right thing, the feeling wouldn’t go away.I knew she didn’t want to return to my bed, but I hadn’t expected her to completely stop talking to me . Humans were ridiculous.
Flopping onto my bed, I flipped through my sketchbook, touching the drawing I’d made of her face. I’d thought drawing would soothe me like it usually did, but it only made the ache worse. Still, I kept drawing, kept remembering.
She had always annoyed me with that science stuff. Why would she stop now? She never stopped when I asked her to leave me alone, so why disappear when I needed to see her the most? The more I thought about it the more that strange itchy feeling turned into irritation, and the more my body heated and my temper rose. My temper couldn’t get out of control, but it seemed like that ship had sailed. I hadn’t caught it early enough. I stormed out the door and across the field, stopping when I saw her laughing with her two human scientist friends. How could she be happy and flirting with them while my heart was being crushed from the inside?I took a slow breath, trying to control the way my body shook.
She dropped her head when she spotted me, avoiding eye contact, but I was having none of that. I stalked closer and grabbed her arm, tugging her over behind one of the shuttles and boxing her in, dominating her. I was bigger than her and she was mine.Her soft lips parted as she looked up at me, studying me carefully. Maybe just one kiss would be acceptable. But I was protecting her from the monster inside me, the one that came out if I lost control. And I felt like I was on a hair trigger as it was. A kiss would not help.
“I’m still the leader here,” I said.
“What?” She frowned, her eyebrows pushing together in confusion. She was staring at my lips.
“I’m still the leader here, and you still need to come to me with your reports.”
She smiled ruefully. “I didn’t come to you with my reports because you’re the leader, dummy,” she said.
“Then why?” I could have sworn that was what she had said.
“I came to see you. Because you’re fun to talk to. And sexy. And I thought you would be interested in them. I’m interested in what I’m finding, and...” She sighed. “Now I know you’re not, so I was trying not to bother you.” She patted my chest, letting her hand linger for a beat too long, then shook herself and slipped away, ducking under my arm. “It’s okay, I know you find me irritating. And you probably regret this, right?” She touched the scar on her neck and I ached to lick it, to make her understand what it was. Then she paused and took a deep breath, one that shook a little. “You definitely don’t think I’m your soulmate, do you? That would be insane, right?”
“Completely insane,” I said.
Her face dropped. “Of course. Well, nice talk. I mean, you might as well drop by and rip my heart out every day.” Her tone was sarcastic, with an edge of humor that made no sense, and I grabbed her chin and forced her eyes to meet mine.
“Why are your eyes wet?”
“Oh. It’s just a human thing. Allergies or something.” She blinked rapidly, like she was trying to clear the moisture away, but it just made the wetness run down her cheeks. I brushed at one with a thumb and she sighed. “It’s tears. You made my body physically express my devastation. Happy?”
“Why would that make me happy?” I asked.
“I don’t know. You seem to enjoy fucking with my emotions.”And fuck, her soft pink lips were so damn tempting, and my body was thrumming with a possessive note. She was mine. I had marked her, and I dropped my mouth to my spot on her throat. She whimpered, grabbing my shoulders and holding me for a moment, clinging to me before shoving me away. She stared at me hard. “Figure out what you want, Aidro.”Then she stormed off and I turned, walking back to the ship, only able to hold myself up until I was just inside, until I could collapse and bury my face in my hands.
“You look like you could use some of these,” Imnolla said, startling me. I wasn’t sure where the tall, elegant tholkon pilot had come from, but she was holding out a tin of little candies made from the gaza flower on Thol. Gaza flower was perfect, it made everything a little fuzzy and relaxed.
“I don’t understand humans,” I said, eating one of Imnolla’s candies. She laughed, shaking her head, and chewed one of her own.
“They’re certainly tempting. There’s a cute one I like. Her name is Meadow,” Imnolla said. I wasn’t sure I had met Meadow. “Which one do you want to fuck? Vega seems your type. Badass and slightly angry to go with your dark soul.”
“No, not Vega,” I said, chewing the candy slowly. “Himari.” Imnolla shrugged and moved on with a little wave. I was alone again, closing my eyes and leaning back, my arms draped over my knees as I let the buzz of the candy cloud my mind.
Uli appeared from somewhere, though I was too stoned to figure out where, and I waved to him. He sat next to me, shoulder to shoulder. My best friend, and the only person who really understood me. I leaned my head on his shoulder, craving physical affection. Uli was a physically demonstrative person, especially with me, and he wrapped an arm around my waist, rubbing my back. He was the only person who had been there from the beginning.
“I can’t be around her anymore,” I whispered. “But I can’t not be around her. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“You’re an idiot,” he said, shaking his head. “Talk to her. Make her yours. From the way she’s been moping around, I’m pretty sure she wants it, too.”
“What if I hurt her? I’m all fucked up. You know that. I don’t deserve someone like her.”
“You deserve her, Dro,” he said. “If she’s your soulmate, you deserve her. And she deserves you.”
“I’m afraid of what will happen if I lose control,” I whispered. He turned and hugged me tighter, pressing his forehead against mine.
“You love her?”
“Of course! She’s so annoyingly cute,” I muttered. “But I loved them, too. My parents.”
“No, you loved Omia. And Omia was crying, begging you to stop Dracoi from taking her, and you tried, Dro,” Uli said. “You were trying to do the right thing, and it ended in disaster. But you were only a kid. And they were the ones who were fucked up, not you. Giving your sister to that monster.”
“Fuck,” I said, breathing shakily as my friend held me tight. “I don’t know if I can take care of Himari the way she deserves.”
“I think you can. I think you should try.”
