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Eighteen
It felt more than a little awkward with his daughter sitting on his lap, a brand-new book open in front of him. She kept sending him shy, questioning little looks that shot right into his gut.
He’d missed so damned much with her. First smile, first words, first steps, first day of school. He didn’t even know if she could read yet. Or tie her shoes.
Those were milestones he’d never get back. To be angry with a dead woman over things he could never change—or get the answers he wanted—that wouldn’t help any of them now.
He still felt it, though.
“Daddy Nick?” she asked when the story was finished.
“Sweetie, you can just call me Daddy, ok?”
“Daddy? Will Noah have to go back to that place? And me go back to that lady?”
“No. You won’t. I promise. You have me now. And no one will ever let you or Noah go back to those places again.” Nick lifted her closer and stood. He carried her to her bed, ignoring how tense her little body was. He tucked her in and put the stuffed animal that had come with her under the blanket next to her. “I know this feels really weird, doesn’t it?”
She gave an exaggerated nod—looking very much like her cousin Nikki. In more ways than just physical. Nikki still could be a bit dramatic sometimes.
“I think it’s because it’s just new and different. That doesn’t make it bad…just different. I hope you and Noah like it here. Masterson is a good place for kids. I grew up here.”
“How come you didn’t getted to see me before?”
Nick’s breath caught on the words he wanted to say. He changed them quickly. “Because you were a secret. Like a special gift just waiting for me, just when we all needed each other most.”
“I miss my mommy. Why did she go to the heaven place?”
“Well…” Damn it. He was not prepared for this. Robin had said…answer her questions honestly. Don’t lie. But…age appropriate. What in the hell was age appropriate when describing death to a six-year-old? “What have people told you so far?”
“That my mommy’s heart stopped working, and she went to the heaven place. And that she wasn’t coming for me no matter how hard I cried. And I had to be good. So I tried to be really good. Then the Jude lady was there. The Jude lady has a pretty smile, instead of a mean one like that other lady.”
“That other lady? Was she at the last place you slept?”
“No. She’s the one who took me there. The lady at the last place wasn’t really mean. She just made me stay in the little girls’ room. With Sara, Melinda, and Aggie. We could come out at dinner time and to go to the bathroom. But we had to play quietly in there all day. She didn’t want to see us. Then Jude came for me and said I gotted to go with her. Then I came to you. And Noah came back.”
Nick thought he’d followed well enough. “Well, your mom’s heart stopped because…of the drugs—the bad medicines—she took. She didn’t mean for it to happen. It was an accident.”
Nova just stared at him. “It’s my fault. She said I gave her a headache all the time. The mean lady said mom took too much medicine and died. It’s my fault. I made her head hurt all the time.”
Tears. On his baby’s face. Nick didn’t pause to think what the best choice would be. He just acted. Like he had with any of his nieces when they’d cried. He pulled her daughter into his arms and held her. “It was not your fault, sweetheart. It was an accident. I promise. Mommy didn’t ever mean to take too much. No one is at fault. It was just an accident.”
He just kept holding her and rocking her until she slept. Wondering just what it was he was supposed to do next.
