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RYAN
The last twodays have been a blur. I can’t describe it any other way. My body, my brain, everything was working on autopilot. I got up at five every morning and had breakfast, then a training session followed by lunch and another training session and dinner. Training this vigorously at my age definitely feels different than a decade or two ago. Now I pretty much get home in the evening and pass out from exhaustion. The last two nights were even worse since I had the business meetings in the evening, as well.
Although my focus has been off because I’m constantly thinking about Harper.
Harper.
Gorgeous Harper. Sweet Harper. Fun Harper. Sexy Harper.
PregnantHarper. Harper growing a baby inside her body. Our baby.
Mybaby.
How the fuck am I going to wrap my head around that?
I’ve always wanted kids but never thought it would happen like this.
The result of a one-night stand.
To make things even more difficult, the woman I accidentally got pregnant lives on the other side of the country. How is that supposed to work out? It’s almost impossible to imagine my child living almost three thousand miles away from me. How often would I even be able to see her or him in a situation like that? So many questions I’m not sure I’ll be able to get answers to anytime soon. Who knows what things will be like later this year?
I take a deep breath and focus on my task of getting everything prepared for the morning before I go through the motions of getting ready for bed. It’s been a long day—a long week really—and I need a good sleep so I can face Harper tomorrow. I’ll take her out for breakfast, and then we go from there. I want to spend as much time with her as possible so I can get to know her better. My phone vibrates in my hand as I walk from my en suite bathroom to my king-sized bed, and I open the text message.
Jace: Hey, dude. Are you coming over tomorrow?
Shit. The baby bomb has fried my brain. Jace, along with Noah and Hunter, are professional swimmers like me, though quite a few years younger, but I’ve been friends with them for several years now. Good friends. Best friends. All of us single due to our stressful and focused careers. Sunday is the only free day the guys and I have, and we usually hang out at Jace’s place.
I met them during swimming camp. At that point, I’d already had one Olympic Games under my belt but always liked going back whenever I had the chance. Meeting new people, competing against younger swimmers, keeping up with the competition. Something I’ve always enjoyed.
The screen turns off in my hand, bringing me back to Jace’s text.
Ryan: Sorry, but something came up.
I don’t like keeping the baby news from them, but I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. How can I do that if I’m still having trouble coming to terms with it? And what if something happens to the baby? Or Harper? My stomach recoils at the thought. Suddenly, it makes sense why so many people wait for a few months before they make their pregnancy announcement.
Let’s not forget the fact I got her pregnant during a one-night stand. There’s nothing wrong with having one-night stands, but it also makes things more complicated for us. A lot more complicated. Like getting to know the mother of your future child after you spent a wild night with her. After you were buried deep inside her and started a new life.
If I’m honest, I thought of her a lot after New Year’s. I wouldn’t have said no to another round or three with her and was disappointed when I woke up and she was gone. She was funny and passionate, and man, could she kiss. In the bedroom we were a definite match. She made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t felt in so long, ignited so much passion in just one night that it felt like we’d known each other for years instead of hours.
But I’m not sure what she expects from me as a dad, or if she wants anything to do with me personally beyond me being the father of her child. If she doesn’t, I will have no other choice but to respect that decision, but the thought alone leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Which is good in a way, I suppose, since it shows where I stand with her, or rather, where I’d like to stand. I want to get to know her and build as good of a relationship with her as possible. For our baby.
My phone vibrates again.
Jace: Anything I can help you with?
Too late for that now.
Ryan: Not really, but thanks.
Jace: You know it. Get some sleep, old man. You looked exhausted today.
Ryan: Thanks, dickhead.
But Jace isn’t wrong. I haven’t slept a lot or well since Harper’s visit.
Jace: Welcome.
This exchange does the trick, and I smile. It feels good to have people like this in my life, even if I keep Harper and the baby a secret for now. I know they’ll have my back and support me when I tell them.
