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A few seconds later, he grunts as if he’s unsatisfied. A moment after that, he lifts me onto his lap where I sit curled up against his chest, held by him in the tightest cocoon possible. It’s warm and feels safe, and if leaving him now will allow me to continue having this in the future, I’ll do that. We can continue talking and getting to know each other before we see each other again. Before I can tell him about my dad. Then it won’t matter what’s going on with a blogger or whoever else.
That plan soothes my overloaded nervous system, and after a few minutes, breathing becomes easier again. I close my eyes and enjoy this moment, not knowing when I’ll be in Ryan’s arms again. What if this is the last time?
Don’t even think about that. Just enjoy this time.
I inhale his scent like it’s my favorite drug, while being surrounded by a blanket of comfort. Quite literally.
A yawn escapes my mouth, and Ryan pulls back.
His eyebrows draw together. “Do you want me to drive you home?”
My next inhale hitches at his question, and I hastily shake my head. “Oh no, I’m good, but thank you. But I should probably get going soon, so let me help clean all of this up.”
“Nope. My date, my cleanup.”
“I don’t mind.”
“I do though, so no cleaning up for you.”
“Thanks again for doing all of this. It was perfect.”
His smile is soft and warm. “I’m glad you liked it.”
“I really did.”
I climb off Ryan’s lap, and he gets up immediately, holding out his hands for me to help me up. Now that I’m not in his embrace anymore, I shiver in the chilly evening air. He notices and pulls me against his side.
Once we’re inside, my first stop is the bathroom, much to my tortured bladder’s delight. When I walk into the kitchen, Ryan’s holding out the sweatshirt to me. “Put this on so you don’t turn into a popsicle before you make it home.”
I tilt my head to the side and wrinkle my nose. “Very funny.”
But I’m not going to decline his offer since I really love the hoodie. It’ll be like a little token for me, a security blanket.
Ryan watches me with a strange look in his eyes as I put it on. A minute later, we’re next to the car. It’s weird not to know how long it’ll be until I see him again or how things will continue for us.
How very different of a feeling this is from the one that filled me when I left New York last week. What a difference a week can make indeed. Anxiety is still slithering through my veins like it’s my new best friend, but now it’s accompanied by bursts of hope. Sometimes, at least.
Ryan lifts his hand until it brushes against my cheek. I lean into his touch, welcoming the caress and all it entails. Maybe I’ve been deprived of intimate contact like this for too long because I don’t remember it feeling this intense. Every small caress from this man has me aching in a way I’ve never ached before. It’s addictive, and I already miss it.
We step toward each other, chest against chest, and his other hand joins my face, holding my cheeks like I’m precious. When our lips meet this time, it’s gentle at first, like we both know how fragile what we have is. Soon, the kiss turns frantic, like our bodies have a mind of their own and they know they’ll be deprived of each other for a long time.
We draw apart, our breaths escaping in harsh bursts. How can I feel so satiated yet so empty at the same time?
Ryan is the first to speak. “You’ll let me know your flight info? I’ll feel better knowing you made it home safely.”
Home. What a weird thing to call a place where I’m only going to be lonely again.
I push away those feelings and swallow. “Of course.”
He tugs me close for another hug before pressing his soft lips to my forehead. My eyes close right away, and I bask in the warmth of this moment.
The backs of my eyes burn, and I know my hormones are about to come out to play if I don’t hurry and get out of here. With that in mind, I step back, give his hand one more squeeze, and get in my car. Ryan opens the garage door, and I back out with a wave and a smile, knowing it won’t last long.
Why do I feel like I forgot something at his place?
That’s silly.
I shake my head and focus on the music that’s playing on the radio, trying to get rid of this deflated feeling that’s attempting to suck the air out of my lungs.
