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HARPER
There’s only somany text messages I can ignore from Ben before I go insane. If he at least used his phone to text me already, I could finally block him. But no, that jerk still uses an unknown number to contact me. The only silver lining is he hasn’t called again, probably knowing I wouldn’t pick up anyway. Most days I’m really good about deleting the text messages right away as well, but sometimes, I’m half asleep or don’t pay attention and open them.
Like this morning.
Unknown number: Sweetheart, I need to see you before I go crazy. I can’t live without you. Please forgive me.
If all of this had happened last year shortly after our breakup, my temptation probably would have been too strong and would have led me straight back to him. But now, there’s not even an inkling of desire to see him or to find out what he has to say. So much has changed in my life since my breakup with him that it actually seems like years since we were together instead of just last year. I have a feeling that doesn’t say anything positive about our relationship or our marriage.
In an effort to forget about him, and to also get out of the house before I suffocate in this apartment with Bacon, I decide to go for a walk. Mrs. Zimmerman sees me leaving and decides to tag along.
Despite being bundled up in my winter coat and decked out in a hat, scarf, mittens, and winter boots, I’m still freezing my butt off. And it’s only a few more days until March. Shouldn’t it be warmer by now? At least a smidgen?
Mrs. Zimmerman huffs after we cross the street, her outfit similar to mine. “I’m not so sure this was a good idea.”
“I was just thinking the same.”
“Well, we might as well tough it out for a few minutes now, so let’s go.”
We stroll a couple blocks until we’re at the park where we follow the path.
Despite the cold, it’s nice to walk around.
Mrs. Zimmerman pushes her hands deep into her coat pockets and looks at me. “So, how’s that young man of yours doing?”
I smile at the way she calls Ryan that, especially considering that he’s quite a bit older than me. Not that the age difference matters to me. Twenty, thirty, what’s the big difference? If he was divorced with children, things would be very different and even more complicated for us, but that would be the same no matter how old he was. Life changes the circumstances, not the age. At least, I don’t think it does for Ryan and me.
She chuckles. “You’re still smiling like a lovesick girl, so I take that as a good sign?”
“He’s doing very well, thank you for asking.”
This old lady is a funny bird, and I’m already used to her calling me a girl and Ryan a young man. I guess that’s how things are at an older age. She’s been feeding me all sorts of delicious cake during our visits and pried my secret out of me. Obviously, I spared her the details, but she knows the gist of what’s going on with Ryan and me. Which feels like a small weight off my chest.
“Do you know when you’ll see him again?”
Her question hits a nerve, and I pause for a moment before I fall into step again beside her. I’ve only asked myself the same question a hundred times so far.
Then I shake my head. “Not really.”
She hums under her breath. “But you want to see him?”
“I do.” The two words shoot out of my mouth like a cannonball. They also constrict the air to my lungs for a moment.
Every time I think about him, the desolate feeling in my stomach intensifies.
Mrs. Zimmerman bumps my arm with hers. “It’s not easy to be separated from the people we love, is it?”
I shake my head automatically until her words repeat in my head.
The people we love.
Is that what happened? Has Ryan weaseled his way into my heart without me realizing it?
Well, holy rackafratz.
I was never apart from Ben for more than a few days during our relationship. I never knew what it really meant to miss someone until now. Until Ryan. His absence has created something similar to a black hole in my heart, an emptiness like I’ve never experienced before.
“I hate it.” The admission finally flows past my lips, something I hadn’t even acknowledged myself.
