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There’s a tentative knock on the door. It has to be London. She’s so worried. Holland is out of the country or she’d be here too. I’ve gotten messages from her.
I’m so proud of you.
We need girl time when I get back.
You’re doing the right thing.
I need every scrap of encouragement. I knew when I filed for divorce that I couldn’t back out. Roman doesn’t forgive. “Come in.”
London pokes her head inside. “Jacobi and Cannon would like to talk to you.”
Because the day hadn’t been bad enough. “Cannon’s here? What about Kase?” There’s a sense of freedom around Kase that has nothing to do with him being off the market. There’s an air of acceptance around him, like he doesn’t bother with judgments; he’s got enough on his mind.
The air Cannon has around him offers only more of the same attitude my parents and my husband have around me.
I can handle Jacobi and Kase. They’ll make me feel justified, like I have a right not to be stalked and to stop the person doing it. Cannon’s focused silence around me makes me think of all the harsh things Roman would say in the moment.
“Kase is busy with his own work.” She picks at the hem of the T-shirt I suspect is Jacobi’s. “We only want to help, Penni. I think you really need it.”
She comes in and sits on the bed next to me. I stare at the floor, the phone still clutched in my hand. It rings, but when Roman’s name appears, I toss it onto the bed, face down.
London grabs my hand. “You never talked about him much. Was it that bad?”
“It wasn’t that good.” I let out an exhale. It should’ve been a flashing neon sign that I didn’t tell my best friends much about meeting Roman and getting married. He’d been married before and tragically lost his wife. I didn’t want our wedding to bring up sad memories, so I’d let him plan it.
He chose a destination wedding. My parents were invited but no one else. We married at a paradise resort, and Roman swept me off my feet in the honeymoon suite. When we returned to his home in Bel Air, it didn’t take long for me to realize the grave mistake I’d made.
“I don’t know why he married me, London,” I say quietly. “He came into my life this confident older man. He made me feel like a princess. I was struggling with school and trying to work to afford my classes, and my parents were full of tough love.” I lift a shoulder. “Except for you and Holland, I was invisible, and Roman made me feel seen. It was seductive. It worked. He was an easy way out for me, but I don’t know what I was to him.”
I pull at the skin around my nails. The cuticle of my middle finger is already an angry red. I fold my fingers around each other. I have to start preparing for a competition. This is no time for janky nails.
“Was he abusive?”
I like how London asks in the past tense, as if it’s all behind me. As if the divorce is over and I’ve moved on to the healing stage. Makes it easier to tell the truth. “Not physically. Emotionally, yes. He’s demeaning and insulting. He loves to tear me and what I love down. I imagine that he says what my parents are thinking.”
“Oh, Penni.” She rubs my back. “No one deserves that from the person who’s supposed to be a partner. And you don’t know about your parents. They might’ve been worried this whole time too. Do they know about the divorce?”
I blow out a hard breath. “No. I’m afraid Father is going to be irate. What if Roman severs ties? That has to be why he stayed with me.”
“Cowles Shipping is huge, with a good reputation. Your dad can find someone else if Roman flakes.”
“Father’s closer to him than to me,” I answer bitterly. My father isn’t much older than my husband. God, I’m a stereotype. They’re business colleagues and they’re always in meetings together.
“Just keep reminding yourself that you don’t know for sure. Your dad might’ve been extra nice to Roman to make you happy.” London pulls me up. “I hate to keep pressuring you, but the guys are waiting and it seems important. I don’t want them invading your safe space in here.”
Which reminds me that this isn’t my space. I’m paying for a lawyer and a private detective. I had to cancel classes today. I’m not sure how I’m going to afford my own place, but I need to figure something out. I don’t want to impose on my friends.
For a girl who made a huge move to assert her independence, I have to rely on a lot of people. Including the brooding man in wrinkled clothing.
