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6
“Um. Is that it?” I said.
Xavier’s sharp gaze darted up. “As it happens, I’m not used to having to tell this story.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
“Because most people in London have already read about it in the bloody papers.”
His tone cut across the table like a knife. Clearly it was a sensitive subject, and I had the good sense to let him breathe a bit while I processed the fact that at some point since the last time I’d Googled him, Xavier had gained enough notoriety to make the British tabloids. His restaurants must have been more successful than I realized.
I cleared my throat. “All right. Why don’t you start with her name?”
“I—her name was Lucy.” His throat tightened. “Lucy Douglas. Our, ah, fathers were close. Neighbors, actually.”
“Fathers?” I repeated.
This I knew nothing about. Even back then, Xavier had been completely mum about his dad. Had said at the time he never knew him.
Apparently, that was a lie too.
Xavier swallowed. “Er, yeah. They were both involved in, ah, local politics.”
“Councillors, were they?” I wondered. “Which district?”
“Er—“ He polished off about half of his beer in one go, then set down his glass. “Forgot you knew a bit about British politics.”
“Enough to understand what I read.” I tapped the cover of my book. “So what happened?”
He exhaled heavily. “Lucy and I were mates, is all. Said we were engaged to get her parents off her back, but we never actually planned to marry. She died shortly after I returned home. She was sick. Cancer.”
Another silence lay heavily over the table, dulling the casual clinks and slurps of the café. First his mother, then his fiancée? How much grief had Xavier had to suffer as a young man? Even worse, had the girl known about his betrayal?
That feeling in my chest dropped like a stone, lodging itself in my stomach the way it always did when I thought of those days.
“Poor girl,” I said unsympathetically. “And I suppose she died thinking you loved her too? While you were off sleeping with me.”
His head snapped up. “Not that it’s really any of your business, but I’ll have you know I never cheated on her with our little fling.”
“Not my business? That’s right, I forgot, I was just some piece of ass you were hitting on your way back to England, right?” I shook my head, fighting the urge to get up and run away from him again. I didn’t want to have this conversation. It was just like I had thought. “You really haven’t changed. Still a heartless bastard.”
“We were never more than friends. We only said we were engaged to get her parents off her back. It’s just when I found out she was sick, I couldn’t leave her. Not for a piece of ass, as you put it. Not when she was dying.”
I gripped the rim of the teacup, wishing to God I could throw the thing against the wall. Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but here. The walls filled with books seemed to be closing in on me. Like every one of the volumes was about to topple off and bury me under their words. Not out of anger. Out of shame.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I’m being unfair.”
“Yeah, you bloody are,” Xavier agreed. “But I was unfair to you too back then. So there’s that.”
I looked up. “You were?”
He nodded. “I was. The email. It wasn’t the right way to end things, Ces. Not after—not after what we had together.”
So it wasn’t just me.
Somehow, it was a small comfort. But other questions emerged out of it.
What was it you thought we had?
