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2
It wasn’t a different life per se, but this one small corner felt like a different universe from my own.
Four hours later, Matthew and I stood on one of the swankiest blocks in New York City. Only a few houses down from Central Park West, the lush brownstone belonging to Jane and Eric de Vries towered several stories above the street, with a set of enormous double doors that were probably solid mahogany. Through the open bay windows, the sounds of music, clinking champagne glasses, and posh people’s laughter bounced into the night air.
And I felt like I was going to vomit.
Kate had arrived in time for ziti, bearing an armful of suits for Matthew and a single dress for me sent with Nonna’s blessing from her actual closet. I’d waffled several times after being zipped up in the slinky black dress. It wasn’t until Kate had finally grabbed my shoulders and forced me to stare at myself in my full-length mirror that I’d actually seen what she had.
“Damn,” I had said. “I mean, I still kind of want to sleep. But I clean up pretty nice.”
I did, too. Nonna’s dress fit like a second skin, accentuating the hourglass figure that had gotten a little bit more so after Sofia. The added height of heels made my ankles look dainty and small, and my eyes glowed against the cat-eye makeup Kate had applied. My hair wasn’t even frizzing, spilling over my shoulders in sleek spirals.
From her place behind me, Kate smiled. “I told you so.”
I continued to stare at my reflection. But the longer I did, the stranger I felt. The tiny hairs on my arms stood up, along with goose bumps. Nerves. The person in the mirror…she was pretty, yes. But she wasn’t me. Not anymore.
She was a fraud.
“I know what you’re thinking, Frankie. Stop it.”
I bit my lip. “You don’t know.”
“Yes, I do. I know that look. It’s the same one you gave Nonna when you said you were going to go to community college instead of interviewing for that scholarship at Columbia.”
I scowled. “It is not.”
“It is. You were scared then. And you’re scared now.” She tipped her head. “It’s just a party.”
“With all these fancy people. You’re used to them. Matthew is too. But that’s not me, Katie. These people are Cartier and personal trainers. I’m dollar store bracelets and the YMCA. It’s a totally different world.”
“It is,” Kate agreed. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for them. If anything, they aren’t good enough for you.”
I snuffed and tried to turn away. “Please.”
But my sister’s hands kept me firmly in place.
“You’re different than the rest of us,” Kate informed me. “Smarter.”
“Come on, Kate—”
“Just listen,” she said, her fingers tightening above my collarbone. “The rest of us were so eager to grow up. To jump out there, get into trouble. But you were always reading your books. Because you knew what you wanted from day one. You were going to go to school. Become a professor, travel the world, live in London. Dedicate your life to that quiet passion.”
I gulped and found myself blinking back a few stray tears. I tried not to think about the past. Those things that had almost been within reach. What’s done was done, right? There wasn’t any point of mourning what might have been.
“And then Sofia came,” my sister continued. “I know you love her, Frankie. But it’s not right that you have to give up all your dreams forever just because of one little girl.”
“Kate, I didn’t give up all my dreams,” I said, blinking furiously to stave off the tears. I swung around to face her. “Matthew and this house. We have a nice life. I can’t really complain.”
Kate didn’t argue, but she didn’t agree either. Instead, my sister just squeezed my shoulders again, this time with more kindness.
“Go to this party. Meet some new, interesting people. Think about what’s outside of P.S. 058 and Arthur Avenue and New York City, for crying out loud. There’s still a whole world out there, waiting for you to grab it, Frankie. And after all these years, you deserve your chance.”
Grab the world? Kate wanted me to grab this world? How in the hell was I going to grab anything if I puked all over Nonna’s lovely dress?
I no longer felt like that beautiful woman in the mirror. I felt like my daughter playing dress-up.
I chewed on my lip, then stopped. God, the last thing I wanted was to have lipstick on my teeth in front of these people. This was the nicest house I had ever seen. The people in it were no doubt all rich, accomplished, beautiful, perfect.
