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It was a very slow, painful, excruciating process. My heart and my mind didn’t believe it at first. That was the first thing I felt: astonishment. And now that I think about it, that amazement was the best. If I’d known what was coming next... Because from there I went to anger, then to pain, and then the last phase came: hatred. That was the hardest to accept, even though my body burned with the hate I felt for her. But it wasn’t easy. Hating her wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy to accept that I would never see her with the same eyes, my Queen of the Desert; that I would never touch her again, kiss her. I had to become someone else to do it. I had to become an Alex who scared even me. But it was necessary. It was either that, or a complete breakdown.
“Did he ever exist?”
I don’t understand her question, but I don’t want to keep wasting my time either. And it’s probably the fourth time I’ve said this, but... I need to get out of there.
Right now.
I set myself in motion. I walk across the hall and down the stairs at full speed with Priscila at my back, calling “Alex! Alex! You’re a coward! Alex!”
I need to get out of here, to get away from this whole damn house that smells like her again, but when I open the front door, Hugo is right there.
Fuck.
What is he doing here?
Probably we’re both having the same thought at the same time, but he’s the first to say it aloud.
“What the hell are you doing here? What have you done?”
“Nothing,” Priscila, who’s already next to me, cuts in. “He just came to get laid but he’s leaving now.”
She shoves me to get me out of her house completely and closes the door with such a bang that even I am startled by it.
“I thought you were over wanting to hurt my sister,” Hugo says once we’re alone outside.
“I am over it, fuck. This was a mistake.”
“Yours, or hers?"
“I don’t know, both I guess.”
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make any more mistakes where my sister is concerned.”
“Hugo, I...” I have no excuses and he knows it. Lying isn’t even an option. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“What are you doing here, by the way?” This is not his house and it’s not sociable hours.
“Nothing. Are you staying for breakfast?”
“It’s three in the morning.”
“Yeah. That’s right. I’ll go home. See you tomorrow, Alex.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I stay there for a few seconds, at the Cabana’s front door, watching him walk away. I think I understand Hugo, I’ve thought that for a while now, but at the same time... I don’t understand him at all. I turn toward the door and rest my forehead on the wood. Fuck. I bang my head a couple of times. It took me fifteen days to go to bed with her. Fifteen days.
I need to go to the docks, remind myself why I hate her. That’s something I hadn’t felt the need to do for a while, but lately I do need it, and that pisses me off. A lot. Because the moment I saw her at the cove I felt something, I felt my heart racing, and that I couldn’t afford under any circumstances.
I go to my parents’ house first, to pick up Dark, who comes to greet me as soon as he hears the doorlock. Anticipating that I was staying out late, I left him here to sleep, but since I’m going for a walk to clear my head and then home, I’m taking him with me.
All the way I mull it over, brooding. Until I’m there. At the docks, I can let my feelings roam free. I’ve been holding them in all these days since she came back. But this is my place. The one place I allow myself to let go.
The day Priscila was flying back to town, I took refuge at Jellyfish Cove. It had been years since I last went to that place, but I felt the urge. When I realized that there was a couple in the water, I asked them to get out; that’s my job. Well, not really, there were never lifeguards in this place, but I didn’t want anyone in the cove and since I went there straight after work, and I was still wearing the red swimsuit... I took advantage of it.
Seeing Priscila coming out of the water then... I don’t know how I was able to remain standing. I was stunned. Amazed—although I think I hid it well. I was aware her plane would be landing at any moment, but I never imagined that I would find her at the cove. And with a guy, no less. Her boyfriend, I thought.
