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Chapter FOUR ~ Heartbreak in Time
“That was pretty impressive.” Grant whispered with a low, but sweet tone that filled the surrounding air. I couldn’t breathe and his hand gently caressed my face. “There’s just something about you. I’m just so taken by you.”
I couldn’t speak, think or move. This magnificent man had me completely captivated. The red glow highlighted his face as his forehead touched mine and my heart beat pounded in my ears. Blood rushed throughout my body and heart rose.
“And I you.” I breathed once I could finally process words.
His hand lifted towards my cheek and softly caressed my hair. The attraction was real and raw, but it has taken me by complete surprise. I couldn’t believe the pull I felt towards this man, it’s undeniable and I knew he felt it too. Whether it be our creativity that connected us or our physical attraction towards one another. It doesn’t matter because we definitely felt it.
“I’m not sure what’s happening here, but I-I need to get this done.” I stammered firmly as I pulled away and pointed towards the door. Knowing full well what’s happening here, but not wanting to admit it to myself. Wanting to remain professional and needing to get a hold of ourselves. For the sake of both of our careers. “You should probably go.”
“You’re right, I should go.” He said, backing away with my body craving his nearness. Missing his body heat and touch. “I will see you at the next shoot.”
Just like that, he’s gone.
I’m left with my thoughts and feeling a sense of loss. Not understanding why he came on so strong and then quickly pushed away. Probably for the same reason as me, realizing our careers are on the line and we need to remain professional. No matter what we’re feeling for one another. I’m still left confused and alone in the darkroom. A place where I always felt so confident and sure, but now? I’m unsure and lost.
What the hell is happening to me?
***
I’M SITTING IN MY APARTMENTon a gorgeous Sunday morning. Admiring the beautiful view with the sunlight streaming through my windows from outside. I sat in deep thought with how my dream career has been coming along. The rest of the work week had been busy, but in a good and productive way. I got some great shots from my first photo shoot and had been going over them with the team. It consisted of Merlin and some members of the media department. We went over which photos to choose, backgrounds and what we’re looking to achieve with each individual photo. It’s all done and just needs to go through editing. Grant’s unneeded for any of it, and I haven’t seen him for days since our first encounter.
Boy, what a first impression it was.
My skin left feverish just thinking about it and repeatedly running through my mind. I couldn’t understand how I could feel such an undeniable attraction towards him. I thought maybe it’s because he’s famous and I’m just so star-struck by him, but realized it couldn’t be that. It couldn’t be that because when I’d gazed into his eyes and felt his touch, I knew he could feel it too.
“Why me?” I groaned and Iaid back against the oversized pillows on my couch.
I wish I knew the answer because I don’t know what I’m doing with this. These feelings of lust and attraction. I’ve never really had a serious relationship and kept to myself because dating had never worked out for me. I’ve had the odd one-night stands, but that’s it. My rule was not to cuddle or get too close. My dreams and passions have always come first.
My mother was always drowning herself in her career. Knowing she did it so she didn’t have to think about the one person who’d left us. Just deciding one day to leave and never look back. It was her and I growing up because my father left when I was just a baby. My mom always told me it had nothing to do with me, and my father had to go find himself. He always loved me and he just needed time, but I knew differently. I knew the truth, but never told a soul. The day I found my father was a day like no other and one I won’t ever forget.
***
THE SUN GLARED FROMthe bright blue sky and I looked up through my sunglasses at the beautiful day. This is the day I meet my father for the first time. It’s not the first for him because he left when I was just a newborn, but for me, it’s the first of many. The first time I’d see him, hear his voice in person and get to call him dad. These are all the things I’ve been hoping, wishing and praying for. Now they are finally here. I smiled to myself with excitement, but my hands fidgeted and my nerves took over. College is about to start soon, and it’s the perfect time to do this. I had this planned out for years and waited for the right moment. Mom doesn’t need to know because she always had enough going on at work. She needed to focus, and this was my choice.
My choice to finally meet my dad.
I found him through family members and ended up tracking him down in a small town. It was a good three-hour drive, but that’s what he insisted. I contacted him through text because I didn’t want to speak to him over the phone. My nerves got the best of me and I liked the idea of hearing his voice in person. Rather than hearing his voice for the first time over a short two-minute phone call. I gazed around the park and sat on the park bench. Arriving early and he’s now late. Glancing down towards my watch, I’m not sure what to think and my hands fuss. Playing with my dress and the minutes tick by.
Is he okay?
Did he get held up by a train?
Was he even coming at all?
Suddenly, my cell phone rang, I pulled it out of my pocket and fumbled to get it open. Anxiously waiting to see who it is with my heart picking up pace and I read the message, “Look to your right, I’m over by the playground.”
I stood up immediately and looked around the park. My eyes landed on the only playground in sight and squinted. Trying to see my father walking towards me and envisioning him smiling at me with his arms outstretched. All happy and proud to be reunited. Waiting for me to run into his embrace and all those past years forgotten.
Instead, my heart sank and I won’t see the happy ending I’d imagined. Tears welled up in my eyes and reality set in. It’s a small town with no one else around. That’s why he picked this spot, so I could see what he wanted to tell me. Far away in the distance, there’s a small playground where two kids played with their father and he smiled at them. He watched as they cried out with joy and set off chasing them throughout the playground. A boy who appeared to be nine years old and a little girl who looked to be a few years younger. Watching on with sadness and regret piercing throughout my body. I watched as my father played with his children. Something he should’ve done with me. Something that was taken from me and I could never get back.
My cell phone dinged, my hand trembled, and I brought the phone closer to see the text. The last text I’d ever receive from my father and the last time we’d ever speak. “This is my family, don’t contact me again. Leave me alone and leave us alone. Your mother meant nothing to me, and so did you. That’s why I left. Go live your life and leave mine alone.”
I wept as my entire being shook, and tears blurred my vision. The pain was unbearable and uncontrollable. I wanted to scream, to cry out how much I hated him for doing this to me, but what would that achieve?
How could he do this to me?
To his own daughter, who longed for him more than life itself. I looked back towards my father as he played with my siblings and those two children whom I’d never know. Thinking back to myself as a small child and wanting to have what they did. Craving to feel my daddy’s arms surround me, needing all that and so much more. He’s hurt me like no other, but I don’t want that for my siblings because they deserve better. They deserved more than what I had to live through. Watching them one last time through tear-filled eyes, taking in the sight of them before turning away and never looking back.
