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Life replaced the sight of death. His face was all I could see as his beautiful eyes peered into my soul and his determined body language spoke to me. His chest rising and falling. Feeling mine trying to do the same as I nod my head and try to focus. His face is spinning before me as he holds me up and my legs wobble.
I’m having a panic attack.
“Good, now keep breathing...” Dante encouraged me as he nodded his head and squeezed my arms with reassurance. “Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, Cassie.”
The world slowly stopped spinning, and my vision cleared. But my body's exhausted, like I had run a marathon race, and my minds overwhelmed. My legs felt weak, and I knew I couldn’t complete the job.
I’m a fool and an utter failure. I should’ve known better and I should’ve listened. Instead, I let my stubbornness get the best of me and now just felt embarrassed.
“I need to sit down...” I breathed, as I barely got the words out and felt winded.
“Come on, let’s get you to my truck.” Dante whispered as he threw my arm around his waist and headed for his truck.
I leaned my body weight against him and let him do all the work. Feeling my feet drag me the rest of the way while he holds me up. Not wanting to continue on as my feet give out in front of it and he lifts me effortlessly into his arms. Holding me close as his masculine scent surrounds me and I let myself fall against him. His warmth consumes me as he holds me in his powerful embrace and takes me away. But it doesn’t last long, and he places me snuggly back in the passenger seat.
“Now do as you’re told and stay here.” Dante ordered, as he pointed at me and gave me a stern look. “I will finish the delivery; you don’t have to worry about it.”
All I could do was nod my head at him and he closed the door firmly. Leaving me alone inside with my thoughts and he finishes what I should help with. But I can’t. I can’t even bring myself to do the one job I used to. This isn’t my first time with a funeral flower delivery. There had been many others before it. But this one was just too much and too soon after Matthew’s death. The memories of everything were too great and too much for me to bear.
They take me back and flood my mind. The way it felt that day to know it was the last time with him. That we were there to put him to rest, and he was never coming home ever again. The way my heart raced, and I wanted nothing more than to flee. To get out of there and never come back. The same feeling that takes over my body now and wouldn’t let me go.
I didn’t dare look at Dante, and I knew he could do this on his own. I couldn’t bring myself to look back at the sight that I just wasn’t ready to see yet. Even though it wasn’t him, it still hurt the same. The pain was still too real and my emotions too raw. Tears formed in my eyes and blurred my vision. I tried to blink them back, but it’s no use. They fall down my cheeks and my body trembles. Feeling my emotions get the best of me, and I let them. It’s just too hard and too much.
Suddenly, the driver’s side door opens, and Dante gets inside. I can’t bring myself to look at him, but can feel his eyes on me. “Shit...”
I hear him rustle as he comes closer and pulls me into his arms. Kissing the top of my head as I cry and he holds me tightly. His warmth surrounds me and I just let it all go. All the pain, loss and fear. Letting it all slip away as he holds me close and doesn’t let go. I can feel his hand caress my hair and find my chin. Tilting it up to meet his deep brown gaze.
The sadness is all I can see in them, mixed with pain. The worry he has for me is overwhelming, but my lips inch towards his. Wanting to feel them upon mine and take away my pain. Replacing it with passion instead of so much sadness. Wanting to feel something other than death.
Regret shines through his gaze, and he turns his face away. “No, we can’t...”
I stared at him with confusion, and the rejection stung like a bee sting. I pulled away from him with embarrassment and my cheeks burned bright red. I’ve gone and made a complete fool of myself. He didn’t want me like I’ve been thinking and it’s all in my head. Those stolen moments together had meant nothing except my own misunderstandings. Not only was I alone with my pain, but now had to suffer from a complete embarrassment of my doing.
I had tried to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him. And I wanted him to want me. But he doesn’t and I need to get out of here.
“I-I’m sorry, I’m just a silly idiot.” I muttered as I reached for the door handle and couldn’t look at him.
Suddenly, his hand gripped the back of my neck and pulled me towards him. “Fuck it...”
That’s when his lips devoured mine.
