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“P-people hear me, I g-get one of three l-l-looks. It’s either p-panic and fear because they’re a-fr-fr-aid they’ll catch it from me.”
I swallow at the pain that must cause him. I did notice it sometimes when we were in public together, but I never realized what the looks did to him personally. I think I just assumed he didn’t notice them, or they didn’t bother him...
Clearly I was stupid.
“What are the other two?” I push when he seems to get lost in his thoughts.
“Pity because I’m some kind of freak,” he finally says after letting the silence between us stretch out. “Those are b-b-bad, not as bad as when they look at you with di-di-dis g-g-gust as if you’re less than dirt on the b-b-b-bottom of their shoe.”
“How am I looking at you, Thomas?” I ask, like a fool. I want him to see what I see, though. I want to take away some of the pain I hear in his voice.
“You always l-l-looked at me like I could do anything.”
“Because I know you can,” I admit.
“Can I kiss you right now?” he asks, moving in closer to me so that his lips are barely an inch away.
“We shouldn’t…” I hedge, letting my teeth bite down to stop myself kissing him.
“I think we should.”
“Why?”
“I want to fix us, L-l-lyla. I don’t want to l-l-lose you.”
“The baby—”
“I want our b-b-aby, Sunflower. N-n-no matter what.”
“Thomas,” I breathe.
“It’s you that haunts m-me,” he whispers.
“I can’t be a replacement, Thomas. Not again. It would kill me.”
“You aren’t. You n-n-never were.”
I know I shouldn’t believe him. I shouldn’t allow his words to seduce me into forgetting what happened. But the truth is, I want his kiss. I need it more than I need my next breath. So, I stop myself from asking more questions and give into the kiss. It’s a sweet kiss, the passion between us rising and almost reaching the surface. I feel Thomas’s hand move against my neck as he holds me exactly where he wants me. He drinks from my lips, nibbling and sucking on them even as he pulls back. I force myself not to beg for more, even as Thomas places gentle kisses along my cheek, across my eyelids and then finally my forehead.
“We’ll get there, I pr-promise. Just don’t give up on m-m-me.”
We settle in bed, and my body feels tight as if it’s stretched taut and waiting for something else to happen. I want him to touch me. I want him to make love to me and take every decision out of my hands.
He does none of those things. He just pulls my body into his and holds me close. I let him, needing more, but realizing it’s not going to happen tonight and that’s probably a good thing.
Chapter 21
Thomas
I didn’t mean to fall asleep. My job is to guard Lyla and make sure she’s safe. I don’t remember exactly when I went out. I just remember somewhere in the middle of her snuggling into me and holding her warm body in my arms that I let sleep claim me. The truth is, I’ve missed her from the moment she walked out of my apartment. I wasn’t kidding when I told Lyla she lit up a room—she does. It’s deeper than that, though.
She lights up my world.
Last night was good. Some of her defenses fell, but I’m not stupid. I know she’s holding back from me. If I allow her to she’ll push me away. I can’t let that happen. She thinks I’m here because of the baby. I would never turn my back on my child, but I’m here because I missed Lyla. I’m here because I want her.
Her.
She wants me and I’m using that. I’m using every damn thing I can. Lyla can fight it all she wants, but she’s my future and I’m sure as fuck going to be hers. I can’t allow any other alternative. As I turn to look at her, she’s lying on her back, her blonde hair spilled around her pillow, long eyelashes fanned against her cheeks. Her pale skin is pink with the warmth of sleep. She’s magnificent. I don’t think I can handle her pulling away from me again. Last night was too good. It’s the first time I felt at ease since before she left. If I need to seduce her to have her? Then, I will. I’d do anything to keep Lyla. I’m never letting her go. She deserves better, but it turns out I’m a selfish bastard. I let her go once. I can’t do it again.
I carefully pull the cover away from her body. Her legs are bare, but she has on these little pajama shorts that I’m definitely going to have to get rid of. It won’t be easy without waking her, but I’m going to try. I slide a finger into the waistband on each side. There’s a chance she’ll call this off the minute she’s alert. I won’t like it, but I’m prepared for it just the same. Doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try like hell to make sure that doesn’t happen. I manage to curl my finger into her shorts and panties at the same time. I slide them down and over her hips. She doesn’t wake or fight me. She does make a soft noise that makes me smile. It sounds like she’s annoyed. What would be her reaction if she was awake enough to know what I’m doing?
