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Jess shook her head. “Sorry. Not buying it.” She softened her words with a smile. “But whatever did or didn’t happen, and whoever was or wasn’t responsible, is water under the bridge. The question now is, what do you want to do about it? Maybe even before you answer that question, you need to ask yourself what you actually want—not what you think is expected of you, but what feels right for you.”
Dahlia sighed. “The truth is, I’m not really sure. Because I really, really like Hayden. Or, no. Let me be totally honest. I’m in love with the guy. I haven’t felt this way about someone since, well…ever. But, as crazy as it sounds, I’m not sure love is enough. It might just be that we’re simply too different, in terms of what we ultimately want out of a relationship. Hayden’s made it pretty clear by his actions, especially this weekend, that he wants—no, needs, a full-on, 24/7 slave girl he can completely control.”
She blew out an exasperated breath. “Shit, I barely lasted twenty-four hours, for god’s sake. While this whole Dominance/submission thing is super powerful and sexy as a fantasy, there’s no way I can be a 24/7 sub girl. It’s not who I am.”
“That’s not who I am either,” Jess said.
“Huh?” Dahlia replied, perplexed. “But you call him Master Cameron and—”
“I call him Master Cameron when we’re in our D/s mode. I call him that when we’re in a BDSM venue, or we’re involved in a scene. And, yes, I’m definitely sexually submissive to Cameron. But I’m not a 24/7 slave. It’s not who I am, either. And he gets that. He accepts it, and me, as I am. Not because he feels he has no choice, but because he’s in love with me, as I am with him, and we’ve figured out a relationship that works for us. Different from Cleo and Jack, because she’s a self-professed 24/7 slave who finds her greatest joy through expression of that dynamic. She’s herself. Not because Jack wants that for her, but because she wants it for herself.”
Dahlia was silent a while as she thought this over. Eventually, she said, “I guess maybe I don’t really know what Hayden wants or needs. We’re still so new.”
“Aha,” Jess said with a knowing smile. “And maybe that’s all this is, Dahlia. It’s just too new yet for you guys to have worked out your relationship dynamic.” She chuckled sardonically. “Sorry for sounding like Ms. Know-it-all. Maybe it’s my type A personality. But some of it comes from having been there, done that, big time.”
She shook her head ruefully. “At the beginning, Cameron and I totally sucked when it came to communication. It took us literally months to get together because we were both too stubborn, too scared, too stupid, or all of the above, to take a step back and figure out what each of us really wanted. There came a point where I’d pretty much written the guy off, deciding we’d never get together. Thank goodness he finally got his head out of his ass, and realized I was almost gone,” she added with a laugh.
“Sounds complicated,” Dahlia said.
“You could write a book about it,” Jess replied with a grin. “But enough about me. You’re the one hurting now, and so is Hayden. You say you’re falling in love. And, to be frank, I’ve never seen Hayden this shook up about a woman. Ever. He’s trying really hard right now to give you space. And you should definitely take whatever time you need to figure out what you want. But, Dahlia”—she placed her hand lightly on Dahlia’s arm, her expression earnest—“when you’re ready, reach out. Give him, and yourself, another chance. What’ve you got to lose?”
Chapter 29
Hayden was at the club late Sunday afternoon, having just completed the erotic physical for the latest auditioning pleasure sub. While he still enjoyed doing his part as Head Master, his heart definitely hadn’t been in it that day.
He felt like a man adrift in the ocean, a thousand miles from shore. This had never happened to him before. Usually, if a girl decided she was done, he was instantly done as well. More than one ex had accused him of having no heart, and he’d kind of secretly agreed with them. But it turned out he had one, and Dahlia had taken a scalpel to it.
It would be good to get back to the hospital, where he could immerse himself in his work. He wouldn’t have time to brood. Though he would, of course, still have to see her. They worked in the same department, after all. And he still valued her as a friend and as a fellow surgeon. Hopefully he hadn’t ruined that, as well.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t known the risks of getting involved with someone from work.
