AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I can feel my eyes burning, a sick knot forming in my stomach.Connor was right,I think despondently.He was right all along.“So that’s why you brought me here,” I say tightly, pressing my lips into a thin line. “That’s what this has all been about, since I ran into you in that hotel elevator and ever since—all the kisses and pleas and romantic lines—it’s all been about seducing me to get me to side with you and Liam against Connor, use any influence I have with him to get him to back down and let Liam be.” I laugh darkly, shaking my head. “Well, you picked the wronglass, Niall, because I don’t have any fucking influence with Connor. You’re out of luck.”
Niall lets out a long breath. “You’re wrong about that, lass.”
“About which statement? You using me, or my being the wrong girl for that?” I ask tartly.
“The former.” Niall shakes his head, his dark blue eyes fixed on mine. “In the beginning, lass, aye. I might have had ideas that I could convince you to speak to Connor on our behalf. But I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve wanted you for years, before you were with Liam and during, though I kept it to myself because I knew I could never be deserving of a lass like you—that you were always meant to be a McGregor’s.”
“You’re right about that. And Iama McGregor now, and this—” I gesture around the apartment, setting my beer down with a heavythunk, “—this was a mistake.” I get up quickly from the couch, intending to leave, but Niall leaps to his feet too, and before I can get more than a step or two away I feel his hands on my waist, pulling me back, spinning me around.
He pulls me into him, and his body is as hard and solid as I remember it, warm through his t-shirt, his thighs muscular and powerful against mine as he pulls me tight, hips to hips, belly to belly, one hand reaching up to tangle in my hair as his full, soft mouth comes crashing down on mine.
When Niall kisses me it’s always hungry, desperate, like he’s starving for my mouth. His kiss is a tsunami of desire, a tidal wave that could sweep me away or drown me in it if I let it, his passion a living, breathing thing. His strong, long-fingered hand grips my waist, holding me to him as his tongue ravages my mouth, and I feel myself panting, breathless as I lean into him. My hands press against his chest, pushing him away or trying to bring him closer, I’m not entirely sure which. I can feel my heart pounding, and when he’s kissed me so thoroughly that I’m breathless, he pulls back, his forehead pressed to mine as he gasps for air too.
“Everything I told you was true, Saoirse,” he murmurs, his hand stroking through my hair, his thumb over my cheek, cupping my jaw gently. “All of it. How much I’ve longed for you, wanted you, dreamed of you in my bed and beside me and everywhere else. How much I wish I could have said anything that would have convinced you not to marry him, even though I know I never could—and I respect you for that too, for your devotion, your commitment, even when you know it can never make you happy. You’d never break your word once you give it, you’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever known, and Saoirse—”
He breaks off, sucking in a breath as if swallowing words he knows he shouldn’t say. “I’ve had feelings for you for years, Saoirse, feelings that don’t just end with lust. I thought Liam was an idiot for not marrying you. But you’re married now, and I know you said that you and Connor had an agreement, but—”
“We do.” I pull away from him slightly, needing a tiny bit of space to think, to breathe. “After I give him a baby, I can do as I please. Take lovers, if I wish. He’s tried to tell me he doesn’t want you to be one of them, but part of that arrangement is and always has been that we won’t ask questions about who those lovers are.” I let out a breath, and I can see the hope on his face as he catches his hands in mine, pulling me closer to him.
“Then I’ll wait,” he murmurs. “I’ll wait until you’ve fulfilled your part of the deal, and then—”
“Can you be happy with that?” I look up into his gorgeous eyes, his handsome face, and feel an ache in my chest that tells me, deep down, that this is selfish. That even if it’s what Niall is saying he wants, I can only ever be half a person for him. I can only ever give him the parts of me that Connor doesn’t want. My loyalty will always be to my family first—and that’s Connor and our future children now. “Can you be happy with a relationship where you’re second? No marriage, no children, always being a secondary part of my life?”
“What about love?” Niall’s thumbs rub over the backs of my hands, his gaze searching mine. “In an arrangement like that, could there be love? After all, that’s the one thing Connor can’t give you.” He reaches up, brushing his fingers over my cheek. “He can give you money, power, influence, children, anything else you want. But not love.”
If he could, I’d never want anyone else.The thought comes into my head so clearly that for an instant, my eyes burn with tears. I look up into Niall’s chiseled, handsome face, at the yearning I see in his eyes, and I nod.
“I can’t say yes now,” I say softly. “But maybe. I think there’s a chance for that.”
“Then I can wait.” Niall takes a breath. “I never wanted marriage or children, Saoirse. I never have. But I do want you.”
He doesn’t give me time to respond. His mouth crashes back down onto mine, hot and needy, the ache of years of longing in that kiss, longing that can’t be satisfied just yet. I can feel how hard he is, heavy and straining against my thigh, his hips rocking against mine as he devours my mouth, and before I know it we’re on the couch, my head against the throw pillow tossed carelessly on one side as he sinks between my legs still fully clothed, my dress pushed up around my hips.
“We can’t—” I breathe against his mouth. “I can’t—”
“Aye, I know, lass,” Niall groans, and I feel the thick ridge of him through his joggers, rubbing against me between my thighs. “I just want to feel you under me for a moment, just like this. I won’t take off a stitch of clothing, nor yours. Just—” he breathes in, his forehead against mine, our noses brushing together as one of his hands goes to my breast, cupping it through the silky fabric of my dress as he grinds his cock against me, groaning. “I just want to feel you, Saoirse.”
Hefeels incredible, hard and solid, the weight of him pinning me down but gently enough that I’m not afraid, the warm scent of him filling my nostrils, smoky and musky, the slightly worn fabric of the couch under my thighs. It feels like the kind of thing I might have done in college if I were an ordinary girl, made out on my boyfriend’s couch in his apartment—not that any guy I encountered in college ever looked like Niall.
I don’t know how much time passes like that. Niall doesn’t push me, doesn’t try to go further. He doesn’t so much as try to put his hand inside my dress to touch my naked breast or up my skirt, and though I’m aching for his touch, my nipples stiff and hard and my pussy drenched with arousal, I don’t try to push him to go further either. I have a suspicion that he doesn’t trust himself, that if he touches an inch of me beyond my lips or face or thighs that he’ll lose control and beg me to let him fuck me.
We just kiss, fully clothed, and there’s a pleasure to it that I hadn’t expected, to just kiss and touch without an expectation that it’ll lead to sex, or even orgasms some other way. I can feel Niall’s thick, heavy erection pressing against me, and when the kissing heats up again he grinds into me, letting me feel just how aroused he is, how big, but he doesn’t try to go further or even get himself off. His control is impressive, I can only imagine how much he must be aching, but he ignores it.
Finally, I glance at the clock and realize we’ve lost track of time. I have no idea when or even if Connor will be home tonight, but I know I can’t stay here all night making out with Niall. “I need to go,” I whisper, and he nods, rocking against me once more with a deep moan as he kisses me.
“I’ll be thinking of you tonight, lass,” he murmurs, pressing his cock hard enough between my thighs that there’s no question of what he’s talking about. “Thinking about the day when I can make this real.”
I don’t know what to say to that—I can’t tell him I’ll think of him, because when I’m with Connor,he’sthe only one I think of. So I just kiss him instead, sliding my fingers into his silky black hair and brushing my lips over his once more.
When I step outside for my Uber, I feel as if I’ve left some magical bubble, some place where I’m insulated in a different life. As if those moments with Niall were part of some other existence, something that has nothing to do with my life out here, or my marriage, or anything else.
But I know that’s only a fantasy. Niall is very wrapped up in all of it, inextricably linked with Liam and Connor and this whole web of intrigue, and I need to be very, very careful.
I have a bargain to complete. A job to do. And a heart to protect.
When all of this is over and the dust settles, I want to still feel whole.
17
