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Chapter Nineteen
I stared, unable to move or breathe for a few shocked moments. Asher now gripped both edges of the table, bunching the linen tablecloth and sending his knife and spoon clattering to the ground. The sound broke me out of my stasis, and I jumped out of my chair.
“Come on, baby. Come on…” I tugged Asher to his feet with one arm, and with the other, I motioned for the maître d’ to get his ass over here. “Get our car, please.Now.”
He nodded and hurried away.
“Come on, Asher,” I said gently but firmly. “Walk with me.”
Like a zombie, Asher got up and followed me through the restaurant. The car screeched to the curb just as we stepped out onto the sidewalk. The driver read the direness of the situation and hurried to open the door. We climbed inside.
“Where to, ma’am?”
“Um, back to my place,” I said and turned to Asher. “We’ll go there and plan what to do next, okay?”
He didn’t move or respond but stared out the window, his breaths coming in short, shallow gasps. I took his hand in mine and held it tight, as if I could channel some kind of comfort to him, even as my own heart was breaking for Morgan and Nalani.
This can’t be. It can’t be…
I wanted to ask how, but I couldn’t torture Asher like that by making him say it out loud.
Where it can’t be taken back.
I harbored a wild hope, as if something could happen thatwouldtake it all back and make it right. Asher could get another phone call, one that said, we’ve made a mistake. Everything is just as it should be.
But it wasn’t.
And won’t be ever again.
At my condo, I opened the door with shaking fingers and stripped out of my coat. Asher stepped into the living area and began pacing in small circles, his harsh breaths coming faster now. He tugged at his collar, then tore off his tie and let it fall. His suit jacket went next, crumpling in a heap on the floor.
I could barely hold my phone, but I got a grip on myself—Asher needed me to not fall apart. “Who do I call?”
“I have to…I have to get back,” he said, his voice gruff and thick. “I have to get to Kal. We should’ve gone straight to the airport. Get the first flight back. Tonight.”
“There aren’t any at this hour,” I said in a small voice.
Asher’s head whipped around to me. “What?”
I recoiled at the bloodshot, almost crazed stare in his eyes. “I’ve made the trip so often… There won’t be any flights until tomorrow morning.”
“I have to get back,” he said, not comprehending. “I can’t be here right now. I can’t…fuckingbe hereright now…”
Hyperventilating, he turned in a small, panicked circle, as if looking for a way to escape. My preliminary art mock-ups for the Red Bull campaign were all over my coffee table. With an agonized roar, Asher swept everything off. A glass paperweight hit the wall and shattered while papers fluttered to the floor. He was breathing hard, his eyes wild and tear-filled as they glanced around the room, seeing nothing. Seeing a future without his brother in it. I had no idea what to do, except he was in so much pain and I wanted it to stop.
“Asher…”
I reached out my hand, fingertips brushing his shirtsleeve, then taking hold. Then pulling him to me. Then tucking myself into him and wrapping my arms around him. Giving him something to hold on to. The tension in him vibrated against me, the grief that was like a deep, thrumming electrical current that needed an outlet.
He stiffened, and I thought he’d push me away, but then his hands grasped at me, making fists in my dress, my hair, over and over. Finally, his arms wrapped around me, held me tight, clinging to me as the first wave crashed. Holding Asher in those moments was like trying to hold the ocean—an energy bigger and more powerful than me in my arms, rocking me, tossing me on the current of his pain that I couldn’t begin to fathom but felt running through him. My heart ached to the point of breaking and I closed my eyes against his chest and held on.
I won’t let you go. I’ll never let you go…
Dry sobs heaved against me and then he thrust me away with shocking suddenness and resumed pacing, scrubbing his hand over his mouth.
“I have to get back. I have to…”
I nodded frantically, trying to think. “Okay…maybe a private jet? Silas! I’ll call Silas.”
